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Sunday, October 27, 2013

Progkakke Week 8

Progkakke Standings:
Iggins!: 71-36
Code Red: 67-40
Mrs. Code Red: 67-40
Erik: 62-45

Carolina Panthers (3-3) @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-6)
Iggins!: I’m on board the Cam train when he plays shit teams. Panthers win.

Erik: To be fair, you’re pretty much always on board the Cam train. But yeah, Panthers.

Code Red: He's often been in front of the Cam train, if you catch my drift. Panthers.

Mrs. Code Red: I'm tempted to take the Bucs, but my two longshots worked out last week and I'm scared to press my luck. Panthers win.

Cleveland Browns (3-4) @ Kansas City Chiefs (7-0)
Erik: Poor Browns. They looked like they had something going for a minute there, and now they’re going to be 3-5. Chiefs keep it moving, but people still won’t acknowledge that they’re good.

Code Red: Who the hell have you heard not acknowledging that the Chiefs are good? Everyone I know has the exact same opinion of that team: man it's going to suck when Alex Smith costs them a superbowl. Chiefs win.

Mrs. Code Red: Going out on a limb to take the Chiefs here.

Iggins!: I'm interested in how good the Browns can be with Campbell, but against the Chiefs it's hard to see them winning. Chiefs win.

Dallas Cowboys (4-3) @ Detroit Lions (4-3)
Iggins!: This is a tough one. Two teams with records that reflect what they are so well. Just one step ahead of average at all times. I guess I have to go with the home team. Lions win.

Erik: The Cowboys seem to get better and worse depending on how good their opposition is, which is strange. But yeah this is pretty much a tossup, I guess I’ll actually factor home field into my decision and pick the Lions.

Code Red: I'm going to take the Cowboys because it's worked for me this year.

Mrs. Code Red: Lions, I guess.

Miami Dolphins (3-3) @ New England Patriots (5-2)
Erik: Weird-ass penalty call or not, the mere fact that New England needed overtime against the Jets is a pretty damning thing. I’m not as high on the Dolphins as I was anymore, either. Lamar Miller should have a good day against one of the worst run defenses in the league, but the Pats should still pull this one out.

Code Red: Dolphins are sinking fast. Pats win.

Mrs. Code Red: Tempted to take the Dolphins as well, but they're struggling and with Gronk fully armed and operational, I'll take the Patriots.

Iggins!: The Pats are bad! I think this'll be a shootout, and someone will win on the final drive. I'll take the Dolphins to win, because I can gamble like that.

Buffalo Bills (3-4) @ New Orleans Saints (5-1)
Iggins!: The Bills’ defense is pretty damn great, and it has caused havoc in a few games this year, but betting against New Orleans in the Superdome is a poor idea. Saints win.

Erik: Betting against the Saints is a bad idea in general, I think. They may not be the best team in the NFL, but they can score a whole lot of points real fast and Rob Ryan is still getting pretty good production out of basically nobody. Saints.

Code Red: I actually do think they are the best team in the NFL. Saints win.

Mrs. Code Red: I don't think they're necessarily the best team in the NFL, but that's not at stake here. Saints win.

New York Giants (1-6) @ Philadelphia Eagles (3-4)
Erik: People are going to want to say the Giants are back, but Jesus Christ are they not back at all. Still, the Eagles are dealing with two injured quarterbacks and the Giants pass rush at least looked like they might not be entirely dead. Eagles should still win, though.

Code Red: Again, NO ONE IS SAYING THESE THINGS. Who are the crazy people in your head that are rallying around a 1-6 Giants team? SHOW ME THESE PEOPLE. Eagles win.

Mrs. Code Red: Yeah, for real, I have heard literally no one say this about the Giants, and they're a New 
York team and I listen to ESPN Radio all day, for crying out loud. Eagles win.

Iggins!: Iggles win.

San Francisco 49ers (5-2) @ Jacksonville Jaguars (0-7)
Iggins!: The Niners are picking up steam! DANGER NFC. DANGER. At least it allows me to think that, hey, the Bears probably weren’t making the playoffs anyway. SAN FRAN WINS BABY.

Erik: This one’s kind of a freebie, but the Niners are definitely starting to wake up. Niners.

Code Red: They just kind of started running the ball a lot, and that works out for them PRETTY WELL. Niners win.

Mrs. Code Red: UPSET SPECIAL, going to go off the deep en...naw, I'm just kidding. Niners win.

New York Jets (4-3) @ Cincinnati Bengals (5-2)
Erik: Rex Ryan is about to fall ass-backward into an 8-8 season and keep his job. The Bengals, despite their best efforts, are sitting at 5-2, and should be able to pressure Geno Smith into handing them a sixth win. Bengals.

Code Red: The Jets have been up and down all year and the Bengals just beat a good team on the road which should totally result in a letdown this week. Jets win.

Mrs. Code Red: Bengals, because I just never pick the Jets.

Iggins!: The Bengals are starting to play much better football, and they have the defense to fluster Geno Smith. Bengals win.

Pittsburgh Steelers (2-4) @ Oakland Raiders (2-4)
Iggins!: This game could actually have a lot of intrigue in it. The Steelers have won two straight (albeit over 2 shit teams) and the Raiders are recovering from being sacked on 9% of their plays against KC. I’ll roll with the Raiders to win.

Erik: I’ll never trust the Steelers again. Raiders.

Code Red: I sure as hell don't trust Oakland. Steelers win.

Mrs. Code Red: For reasons unknown I really hate the Steelers. I guess I'll take The Raiders.

Washington Redskins (2-4) @ Denver Broncos (6-1)
Erik: The Colts just put on a “How to Neutralize Peyton Manning” clinic: get a lot of pressure on him and never ever stop. You cannot give him time, or he’s going to ruin your asshole. The Redskins have neither the talent nor the stamina  to do that. Broncos.

Code Red: yes, pressure IS bad for quarterbacks. I agree. Broncos win.

Mrs. Code Red: I will ride that Broncos train until they undoubtedly lose a playoff game they shouldn't. 
Broncos win.

Iggins!: Kyle's default retort to every PeyPey diss now is to say "Yes, that IS an adverse condition for a QB". Broncos win.

Atlanta Falcons (2-4) @ Arizona Cardinals (3-4)
Iggins!: The battle of non-threatening birds! Seriously, at least a raven is an omen of death. Anyway, good for Atlanta getting a win, but these Cardinals just stick around, they have a good defense, and Atlanta has no defense. Cardinals win.

Erik: Get ready for the exciting, hard-hitting, 3-yards-per-carry return of Steven Jackson! Cardinals, though, for real, the Falcons are bad.

Code Red: Yeah, the Falcons can't take advantage of AZ's shitty pass protection the way most teams can, and their defense is bad enough to let the Cardinals score 20+ points, so Cardinals win.

Mrs. Code Red: Cardinals. I hated the Falcons when they were overrated, and now I just enjoy their suckage.

Green Bay Packers (4-2) @ Minnesota Vikings (1-5)
Erik: Minnesota couldn’t stop the hapless Giants, they don’t have a chance of stopping the hap… hapful?... Packers.

Code Red: ALL OF THE HAP. Packers win.

Mrs. Code Red: ….Packers.

Iggins!: Packers win.

Seattle Seahawks (6-1) @ St. Louis Rams (3-4)
Iggins!: Well these night games suck. Seahawks win.

Erik: I’m just watching for the Tebow chants, anyway. Seahawks.

Code Red: who the f*&k is  even starting for St. Louis at quarterback? Kellen Clemens? Oh, God. It's Kellen Clemens. Seahawks do unspeakable things.

Mrs. Code Red: Kellen who? I've never even heard of such a person. Seahawks win. 

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