Code Red: 23-9
Mrs. Code Red: 22-10
Kansas City Chiefs (2-0) @ Philadelphia Eagles (1-1)
Iggins!: Much better slate of games this week. The Chief defense is very stout, but their offense still has something to prove. In the end, I think both of these teams rack up the yards, but a Chiefs stop or two clinches it. Chiefs win.
Erik: You can already see the cracks in the Eagles, despite their furious production. They moved too fast against San Diego and left enough time for Philip Rivers to get in field goal range at the end, refusing to give up on the blur even when it was counteractive. The Chiefs’ defense is considerably better than San Diego’s, and Alex Smith is as safe with the football as anyone. A couple key stops carry the Chiefs to victory.
Code Red: I would like to pick the Chiefs here, as I think their defense can expose some previously unseen weaknesses in the Eagles protection schemes, but home teams generally win on Thursday nights and I just can't pull the trigger. Eagles win.
Elyse: Chiefs. Honestly, I just think they are a better team, even if the Blur is fun to watch.
Green Bay Packers (1-1) @ Cincinnati Bengals (1-1)
Erik: I really think the Bengals are too good to be a 1-2 team, but I don’t think they can keep up with Rodgers here. A good defense will make it closer than people might think, but the Packers still take a commanding win.
Code Red: Oh why the fuck not? GAMBLING TIME. BENGALS AT HOME.
Elyse: I'll take the Packers, sadly, but it'll be no easy win. Packers win.
Iggins!: Kyle and I are on the same page here: great Bengal pass rush will mess with Rodgers all day and Dalton will cruise through the porous Packer secondary. Bengals win.
St. Louis Rams (1-1) @ Dallas Cowboys (1-1)
Iggins!: Like I said, much better games this week. The Rams put together a strong comeback last week, and their defense really tightened up in the second half. I feel like this almost put Jason Garrett out of a job.
Erik: Tony Romo is at his worst against a resilient, patient defense. Rams win.
Code Red: If Jerrah was gonna fire Jason Garrett this early in a season why even keep him after back to back fuck ups the last two years? Rams are decent, but I like the Cowboys at home.
Mrs. Code Red: I feel like the Rams are just the more disciplined team. This just seems like the exact kind of winnable home game that the Cowboys tend to screw away. Rams win.
San Diego Chargers (1-1) @ Tennessee Titans (1-1)
Erik: I’m not sold on San Diego yet, given the fact that they’ve struggled in the fourth quarter in both games this year, other than the drive to win on Sunday. As long as that tendency is there, all the improvements in the world can’t save you from the ghost of Norv Turner. Still good enough to beat the Titans, though. Chargers.
Code Red: Is there anything to be sold on? Everyone thought they'd have a dogshit defense and that their offense might win them a few games and that Rivers might be slightly better under a non-Norv coach. That's all that's happened. They're still a six win team, but so is Tennessee and I'll take the one with the offense that doesn't suck. Chargers win.
Elyse: Uhhhh....Chargers? Don't burn me again, Rivers. We've been down this road too many times.
Iggins!: Wow, lots of hate on the Titans considering how decent they’ve looked the first two games. The Chargers love to disappoint, and they would have last Sunday too if Vick didn’t have to leave for a few plays. Titans win.
Cleveland Browns (0-2) @ Minnesota Vikings (0-2)
Iggins!: Two crap teams and the less crappy one is at home. Vikings win.
Erik: The Vikings have a lot of good players, but both units have pretty severe deficiencies that prevent them from consistent quality. The Browns, on the other hand, are pretty much exactly that but worse. Vikings.
Code Red: That Browns defense is legitimately good. Maybe a top ten unit. But their offensive line has gone from unheralded but good to incredibly awful, and it's already gotten Brandon Weeden killed and neutralized Trent Richardson. Now they get either the statuesque Jason Campbell or the always forgettable Brian Hoyer under center, and the Vikings get a feel good win by brutalizing either one. Vikings win.
Elyse: The Vikings suck, but not Browns-level suck. Browns-level suck is a special kind of suck. Vikings win.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-2) @ New England Patriots (2-0)
Erik: The Bucs have so much talent that it’s almost difficult to believe they’re 0-2, but they’re just a tremendous mess in execution. Patriots win, advancing to 0-3 despite looking like utter shit thanks to an extremely favorable schedule.
Code Red: Meh. They have a poor man's Forte and Vjax on offense. Their defense is great, but the amount of talent they're squandering has been greatly overstated. Patriots win because goddammit that dogshit schedule of theirs pisses me off every year.
Elyse: The Patriots look like a big hot pile of poo, and yet no one has come along to flush 'em down. Pats win.
Iggins!: This bullshit Patriot schedule, I swear. Pats win.
Arizona Cardinals (1-1) @ New Orleans Saints (2-0)
Iggins!: Nice morale booster for the Cards last week, but this ought to bring them back down to earth. Saints win.
Erik: The Saints may not be back in Super Bowl form, but they’re certainly back in fighting shape with Sean Peyton back. The Cardinals are better than they were a year ago, but with Fitzgerald hurt and Drew Brees on the other side of the ball, not much else matters. Saints.
Code Red: Sorry, Carson. The love affair takes a week off. Saints win.
Elyse: Saints. They're just better.
Detroit Lions (1-1) @ Washington Redskins (0-2)
Erik: A lot of noise is being made about RGIII, but the rest of the ‘Skins really haven’t looked great this season either. It doesn’t get any easier for poor Robert against a savage Lions front seven, and that secondary won’t even slow Megatron down. Lions.
Code Red: That whole roster is awful. People let that winning streak against largely hapless teams at the end of the year blind them to how utterly terrible that defense is, and they're still the Redskins so salary cap hell and a lack of draft picks thanks to the king's ransom they spent for RG3 means he gets to spend the next few years getting the Cam Newton treatment. WHY DOESN'T HE LOOK LIKE A LEADER WHILE HE'S WATCHING HIS DEFENSE GET SHREDDED AGAIN, AL?. Lions win.
Elyse: Lions, because the Skins defense is bad. Y'all waste a lot of words explaining things that don't need explaining.
Iggins!: Yeah, basically, the [REDACTED]s are a bad team. What else can be said? Lions win.
New York Giants (0-2) @ Carolina Panthers (0-2)
Iggins!: I made the mistake of taking Cam against these guys last year: not again. Giants win.
Erik: This game is going to be a comedy of errors, but Eli at least puts up a lot of points while doing it. Giants.
Code Red: I have no idea, but I can't imagine even Eli can keep up this turnover-palooza he's on. Giants win.
Elyse: Despite the fact that the Giants kinda suck, I have a hard time ever picking Carolina. Giants win.
Houston Texans (2-0) @ Baltimore Ravens (1-1)
Erik: Ray Rice is reportedly questionable. Without him, there’s pretty much nothing to stop the Texans from just pulling Joe Flacco apart in the secondary. Texans.
Code Red: Matt Schaub looks really good so far, now that he finally has a legit #2 WR in DeAndre Hopkins. Texans win.
Elyse: Texans, both of them are surprisingly less good than I thought they'd be, but the Texans are less less good.
Iggins!: Y’all is crazy. The Ravens aren’t losing this game at home. Ravens win.
Atlanta Falcons (1-1) @ Miami Dolphins (2-0)
Iggins!: The Fins have looked surprisingly above average, and Atlanta has a lot of injuries. I’ll take the upset special here. Dolphins win.
Erik: I’m apparently bullish on the Fins this year, as of right now I have them winning the slippery shitpile that is the AFC East at 10-6 or 11-5. I still don’t think they’re ready for Atlanta on their best day, but Atlanta is on something considerably worse than their best day. Dolphins.
Code Red: If Atlanta was healthy I'd take the Falcons here, but that already questionable defense is decimated by injuries and they've already struggled to protect Ryan. That Dolphins pass rush won't help. Dolphins win.
Elyse: Falcons, because I don't trust Miami yet.
Buffalo Bills (1-1) @ New York Jets (1-1)
Erik: Well, this certainly will be a game of football. Bills, I guess?
Code Red: It's amazing how similar these two teams are and yet how utterly different the atmosphere surrounding them is. Neither is expected to contend and both are starting rookie QBs, both could easily be 2-0 or 0-2. Yet the Bills are legitimately energized by their new coach and a surprisingly competent-looking Manuel, while the Jets have gotten as much positive press as the Gestapo and the best I could say about Geno Smith is that he might someday strive to be Kyle Orton. Bills win.
Elyse: This should be....interesting. That's not the word I really want. Bills.
Iggins!: Er… uh… well, I don’t want to lose a game in the standings, so Bills win.
Indianapolis Colts (1-1) @ San Francisco 49ers (1-1)
Iggins!: If I were the Colts, I would just lube up, bend over, and accept it. 49ers win.
Erik: Pretty much. 49ers.
Code Red: Hey now, I predict Luck will go down valiantly in defeat. He keeps it close for 2 to 2 ½ quarters, but 49ers win by double digits.
Elyse: the matching records do no justice to how uneven this matchup is. 49ers murder the colts.
Jacksonville Jaguars (0-2) @ Seattle Seahawks (2-0)
Erik: Well, Jacksonville has officially proven wrong everyone who said the Raiders were the worst team in the NFL. This is basically a bye week for the Seahawks.
Code Red: MY EYES. THE GOGGLES. THEY DO NOTHING. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqfOxm_1BE0 Seahawks do something that should be illegal.
Elyse: Oh my. That's unpleasant. Seahawks win.
Iggins!: Massacre is too cheery a word. Seahawks accidentally start Armageddon.
Chicago Bears (2-0) @ Pittsburgh Steelers (0-2)
Iggins!: Pittsburgh is terrible. Bears win, 30-13
Erik: Yeah, they’ve got a lot of very serious problems and essentially no positives. Bears win, 30-10.
Code Red: Their defense will still limit the big play, so I don't predict 30 points, but they also can't pressure like they used to and the Bears only need to be patient and muster a couple long scoring drives to put this away. Bears win, 21-10.
Elyse: Bears. 24-10.
Oakland Raiders (1-1) @ Denver Broncos (2-0)
Erik: They may not be the worst team in the NFL, but the Raiders are still pretty bad. Not that it matters, there aren’t many teams in the league right now I’d take against the Broncos.
Code Red: What idiot was behind giving the Raiders MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL?! I might as well do laundry. Broncos win.
Elyse: It really isn't fair that the Broncos are that good AND get a schedule this soft. Broncos win.