Welcome, loyal SKOfans, to the first in a (hopefully) long series of interviews with a true titan in the industry, ESPN Chicago. It is a true honor and priviledge to be able to gain additional insight into what we see on the television through people who a-
DID YOU SEE THE J'MARCUS SACK?!?!?!
Er... I thought I was going to be interviewing someone FROM ESPN Chicago? Like, Wright or Dickerson? Who... who are you?
Yes, I mean, clearly, I see a voice is coming from a giant sign that says "ESPN Chicago" bu-
You're a giant mass of digital data programmed to give Chicago sport news?
A WHA? I'M JUS A SIGN. I LEARNT TA TALK WHEN I WAS JUS A LIL BABY BUDWEISER SIGN AT A BAR IN DOWNTOWN CHICAGO.
But... don't you have writers? Michael C. Wright, Jeff Dickerson...
DEM'S MY TWITTER NAMES. YOU LIKE EM? MADE EM MAHSELF! DA C IS FOR COCKS... AND THE D IS FOR DIC-
I get it! This... this explains so much...
AREN'T WE GONNA TALK 'BOUT DA J'MARCUS SACK?!
-uh, er, yes! Yes, that is why we are here. I think I can hazard a guess, but what were your thoughts on the performance of the offensive line?
HOOWEE. DAT J'MARCUS SACK. HE IS CLEARLY DA WORST OFFENSIVE BLOCKY GUY DA BEARS HAVE EVER SEEN. CANNOT BELIEVE HE ACTUALLY GAVE UP A SACK! HE REALLY NEEDS TO GET IT TOGETHER!
Well, sacks do sometimes happen, and J'Marcus is only a few weeks removed from moving back to RT, AND it's the first game of the preseason... I feel like we probably shouldn't jump the gun! In fact, right after the game you said something similar...
YAH BUT DEN I HAD TIME TA THINK ABOUT IT, AND I REALIZED J'MARCUS AIN'T NEVER GONNA LEARN AND EVERYTING IS HOPELESS.
That's a pretty bleak outlook considering this was preseason game 1...
I WRITE BOUT DA CUBS TOO, YA KNOW.
OHHHHHH... yeah, I forgot about that. Moving on, Jay had a pretty nice night, yeah?
NAH HE TREW A PICK.
Sure, but it looked like Alshon cut off his route, and after that he moved nicely and only threw one incompletion...
BUT HE TREW A PICK AN DAT MEANS DA OFFENSE DINT ACCOMPLISH A WHOLE LOT.
Well they played less than a quarter, and only really ran simple plays, but they were very efficient. It seemed like they weren't really trying to do much, yeah? Because this is preseason game 1? And, again, didn't you say not to worry earlier?
RIGHT AFTER DA GAMES I AM SOOOOO CRAZY AINT NO WAY IMA GONNA GIVE A SMART OPINION.
But... in your case it seemed to be the opposite this week. My God, your natural state is madness, and your irrational state is rationality!
YOU USED A WHOLE LOTTA BIG OL WORDS THERE.
This is incredible. Uh... oh yes, moving on, what did you think of the Bostic interception return? We surely must agree on this.
DAT WAS PRETTY DAMN AWESOME. BUT I TINK WE SHOULDN'T COUNT OUT DJ TO START JUS YET.
That is... a very intelligent opinion! I agree, Bostic looked very comfortable and made some smart reads, but he's still young and can learn a lot from D.J. Williams. He also sounded very humble after the game.
HE'S A REAL BEAR DAT ONE. BUT REALLY IT WAS DA SAME OL STORY, HUH? DEFENSE CARRYIN DA OFFENSE!
I knew there was a catch here.
CUTLER AIN'T DA ANSWER! DIS OFFENSE IS GONNA BE DA LAFFIN STALK A DA LEAGUE!
Well, that's all the time we have for today, ESPN Chicago. Remember, SKOfans, preseason game 1 means less than the results of the game of Settlers of Catan I played with my cat last night. I'll see you after next week's game!
AN I'LL BE BACK TOO!