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Thursday, November 17, 2011

Prognostication Bukakke, NFL Week 11

Jets (5-4) at Broncos (4-5)
Code Red: Much as I loathe the cult of Tebow, I find this Broncos experiment with 1940s football to be quite interesting. It shall fail miserably against the Jets defense, but it shall be a gloriously entertaining failure. Jets win.

Iggins!: Actually the Jets run defense hasn't been as great this season. This'll be close, but I'll take the Jets.

Code Red: Allowing just 3.7 YPC in their last four, I believe. Much like the Bears, they appear to have straightened their defensive issues out, although Rico Mirerez is still there to torpedo their chances.

Mrs. Code Red: I would imagine the Jets' defense is much better than the Chiefs. Blitz him, what's he going to do? Jets win.

Raiders (5-4) at Vikings (2-7)
Iggins!: So last week I picked a couple games I shouldn't have and lost a game in the standings. I told myself I wasn't going to do that this week. Oh well. Vikings win!

Code Red: Well, I guess that means I roll with Oakland.

Mrs. Code Red: God dammit, Iggins!, I wanted to be alone in my Vikings pick. Vikings win.

Bengals (6-3) at Ravens (6-3)
Code Red: The Ravens beat good teams, but play poorly against bad teams. The question is, do they view the Bengals as a good or a bad team? Bah. They've won when I've needed them and Iggins! is crushing on Andy Dalton. Ravens win.

Iggins!: In the sense that Andy Dalton is basically Joe Flacco in his rookie year? Sure then. The Ravens are pretty easy to understand. If they RUN THE BALL they will win. If they run the ball FIVE TIMES like they did against Seattle they will lose. I'll take the Ravens but... I mean they haven't learned yet.

Code Red: Those sonsofbitches better run the goddamn ball. Daddy needs a big game from Ray Rice this week. Also, my Microsoft Word now saves and auto-completes “sonsofbitches” thanks to my frequency of use. Awesome.

Mrs. Code Red: How are the Bengals 6-3? I like Andy Dalton, I feel bad for him that he's in the same rookie class as Cam Newton. Ravens win.

Bills (5-4) at Dolphins (2-7)
Iggins!: This is a solid choice for an upset but I want to believe in the Bills. COME ON BUFFALO. Bills win.

Code Red: Both of these two teams need to end their streaks. Bills win.

Mrs. Code Red: The Bills are sliding, but I don't think they'll slide that far. Bills win.

Jaguars (2-7) at Browns (3-6)
Code Red: Oh God, why? That Jags defense is good. Cleveland's offense is brutal. Maurice Jones Drew may be the difference? Jags win.

Iggins!: This game will happen and nobody will know. Jaguars win.

Mrs. Code Red: Well, go for broke seemed to work okay for me last week, so Browns it is.

Cowboys (5-4) at Redskins (3-6)
Iggins!: Good to know the Redskins are just as awful as we all thought. They did the start strong thing last year too. Cowboys win.

Code Red: I think if the Redskins have learned their lesson, they give Shanahan one more year, because I think he has a plan, and he's done a decent job of rebuilding their defense. I think he's had his eye on this year's draft to make his move for a QB, and I have a feeling it'll be Matt Barkley. Anyway, none of this changes the fact that it'll be the Cowboys who win this game.

Mrs. Code Red: My heart says Sexy Rexy, but my head says the Cowboys.

Buccaneers (4-5) at Packers (9-0)
Code Red: Sonofabitch. Packers win.

Iggins!: Packers win handily.

Mrs. Code Red: Stupid Packers. Packers win.

Panthers (2-7) at Lions (6-3)
Iggins!: I want so badly to choose Cam Newton here, but his team just ain't winning. Lions win.

Code Red: Oh fuck it. Save us, Cam. My rage at that bitch Matthew Stafford has not yet abated. Panthers win.

Mrs. Code Red: Yeah, I don't think they'll lose to Carolina. Lions win.

Cardinals (3-6) at 49ers (8-1)
Code Red: I'd love if the Bears or someone else can trip up Green Bay and the road to the Superbowl ran through San Francisco. That would be...odd, but better than a trip to Lambeau. 49ers win.

Iggins!: If the Bears lose to the Packers in the NFC Title Game again there will be oceans of blood. 49ers win.

Mrs. Code Red: I'll take a gamble and go with the 49ers.

Seahawks (3-6) at Rams (2-7)
Iggins!: What a great game this is! Seattle is rolling, so I'll take the Sea Chickens to win.

Code Red: Seattle's a shit team, but their run defense is pretty good. Their pass defense isn't good, but the Rams have shown no ability to take advantage of something like that. Seahawks win.

Mrs. Code Red: I guess I'll take the underdogs. Wait, who are the underdogs? They both sucks. The Seahawks apparently only beat good teams, so I'll go with the Rams.

Chargers (4-5) at Bears (6-3)
Code Red: I'm no longer afraid that this Chargers team is a typical “waiting for a late run” Chargers team. They're just not very good. Rivers looks like 2009 Cutler, trying to do far, far too much on a team that doesn't have much to offer around him. The Chargers have been gashed by the run and have allowed a QB rating of 96 to opposing passers this year. The Bears win, 28-14.

Iggins!: Yeah the Bears should win this handily, but due to this being a pivotal week for my fantasy team, I'm hoping Ryan Mathews scores a couple TDs. Bears win.

Mrs. Code Red: F*&k you Philip Rivers. Go Bears.

Titans (5-4) at Falcons (5-4)
Iggins!: I approve of the ballsy OT fourth down call. It didn't work, because he isn't Les Miles, but I approve. Falcons win.

Code Red: I think it was incredibly stupid, but I appreciated it since it brought a swift end to that OT game and brought the Bears game onto my TV. Falcons win.

Mrs. Code Red: Hmmm...Falcons.

Eagles (3-6) at Giants (6-3)
Code Red: More prime time EaglesFail! Giants win.

Iggins!: Yeah they suck something fierce. They're like the Knicks from the 00's. Giants win.

Mrs. Code Red: Giants. Most def.

Chiefs (4-5) at Patriots (6-3)
Code Red: God dammit. The Pats have a shitty defense, and yet again their soft schedule is going to lead to 12-13 wins and everyone will forget all about the shitty defense. Sigh. Pats win.

Iggins!: PALKO TIME. My wife is giddy with anticipation, she's been calling for Palko since the preseason. Humorously, I think this game will be close, but the Pats should win. Pats win.

Code Red: Because backup quarterbacks who look great in the preseason are always highly successful in real games. Just ask Todd Collins and Brian Griese!

Mrs. Code Red: I will not be shocked if the Patriots lose this. Patriots win, though.

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