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Thursday, September 29, 2011

Prognostication Bukakke, NFL Week 4.

Panthers (1-2) at Bears (1-2):
Code Red: Please God, let them get something figured out here and get healed up/back on track before the MNF game in Detroit. Bears win.

Iggins!: If I were not a Bears fan I would pick Carolina. But I am, so DA BEARS win.

Mrs. Code Red: Bears.

Lions (3-0) at Cowboys (2-1)
Iggins!: The Lions have had a very pleasant schedule, haven't they? The Cowboys have no business posing as a 2-1 team. Lions win.

Code Red: I know I said I'd stop hating on the Lions, but Dallas at home is a tough draw. Cowboys win.

Mrs. Code Red: I really don't know. I guess the Cowboys, because I want the Lions to lose?

Vikings (0-3) at Chiefs (0-3)
Code Red: Well, Minnesota has to get a break at some point. Adrian Peterson should be the difference here. Vikings win.

Iggins!: The Chiefs showed signs of life last week, and the Vikings will probably lose after being up 35-0 at the half. Chiefs win.

Mrs. Code Red: Chuckle chuckle chuckle. Vi..kings?

Bills (3-0) at Bengals (1-2)
Iggins!: I am riding the Bills to prognostication glory. CIRCLE THE WAGONS. Bills win.

Code Red: No reason to hop off this bandwagon this week. Bills win.

Mrs. Code Red: Bills. Obviously they're somehow actually good.

Titans (2-1) at Browns (2-1)
Code Red: Tennessee has been surprisingly good. The Browns have been playing it way too tight the last couple weeks. Titans win.

Iggins!: Yeah, what the hell? The Titans aren't supposed to be above average! Titans win.

Mrs. Code Red: I don't care? The Titans?

Redskins (2-1) at Rams (0-3)
Iggins!: The Rams look terrible. Redskins win.

Code Red: Really, really terrible. Redskins.
Mrs. Code Red: Sexy. Rexy. Redskins.

49ers (2-1) at Eagles (1-2)
Code Red: Well, my Bears angst is calmed somewhat by the EaglesFail. They should get back on track here, though. Eagles win.

Iggins!: The 49ers are 2-1?! Good God. Eagles win.

Mrs. Code Red: I think Michael Vick is a scam, but the 49ers suck. Eagles win.

Steelers (2-1) at Texans (2-1)
Iggins!: The Steelers appear to be mediocre, and even against the Saints the Texans fought hard. I'll take the Texans here.

Code Red: Houston has to prove they aren't the Texans anymore. Steelers win.

Mrs. Code Red: Texans, because even without Arian Foster (FUCK HIM)* they look good.

Saints (2-1) at Jaguars (1-2)
Code Red: Ha. Saints win.

Iggins!: Saints win.

Mrs. Code Red: Saints.

Falcons (1-2) at Seahawks (1-2)
Iggins!: Wow there are a lot of good 1-2 teams in the NFC right now. Falcons win.

Code Red: Seattle is not one of them. Falcons win.

Mrs. Code Red: Falcons. They're much better.

Giants (2-1) at Cardinals (1-2)
Code Red: That Cardinals secondary is certainly bad enough to lose to Eli Manning. Giants win.

Iggins!: The Cardinals have not yet figured out how to play offense. Which is odd. Giants win?

Mrs. Code Red: Giants.

Patriots (2-1) at Raiders (2-1)
Iggins!: The Raiders are a good team, they just don't match up well against the Pats. Patriots win.

Code Red: The Raiders could shoot out with the Patriots just as well as they did with the Bills, but Tom Brady will probably be too much. Patriots win.

Mrs. Code Red: Do the Patriots ever lose two in a row? Patriots win. WELKAH.

Broncos (1-2) at Packers (3-0)
Code Red: Well, this should be quite the brutalization. Packers win.

Iggins!: There are states in which showing this type of disgusting massacre would be illegal. Packers win.

Mrs. Code Red: That's humorous. Packers.

Dolphins (0-3) at Chargers (2-1)
Iggins!: The Fins... wow. Maybe even moreso than the Vikings these guys find a way to lose. Chargers win.

Code Red: Damn you. Keep picking your beloved Dolphins, moron! Chargers.

Mrs. Code Red: Chargers, and Philip Rivers better have a damn good day.*

Jets (2-1) at Ravens (2-1)
Code Red: The Ravens are the better team, and they're at home. Ravens win.

Iggins!:Rex Ryan, I will reiterate, is an idiot on offense. And that will doom him until he starts acting like the Raiders instead of the frigging Saints. Ravens win.

Mrs. Code Red: I guess I'll play defensive bukakke. Ravens win.

Colts (0-3) at Bucs (2-1)
Code Red: Well, this must have looked like a much better game in the offseason. Bucs win.

Iggins!: Lots of fantasy points for Blount here. Bucs win.

Mrs. Code Red: Bucs.

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