Tampa Bay 24, Cincinnati 21
Yet another Bengals loss that can be directly attributed to former SKO-Mancrush Carson Palmer and his ragged former-armcock. Oh Carson, I don't care if you're too young to retire, do it now while I can still remember you the way you used to be (sobs hysterically). Oh, and Josh Freeman is still a pretty good young quarterback.
Not like Carson was, though (sobs again).
Detroit 44, St. Louis 6
I did not see this coming at all. I really liked the Rams going into this game. They had a 2008 Falcons vibe about them with Bradford playing non-rookie like and the defense looking pretty not-awful. Well, this happened. I'm happy for the Lions and their fans (except the ones still bitching about the Calvin Johnson no-catch), but the sad thing here is that the Rams may still win their division.
NY Giants 34, Houston 10
Yep, they're still the Texans. I really hope they can somehow get it together and win this division, because I really like the Schaub-Foster-Johnson triumvirate on offense, but Jesus, they just can't ever seem to take the proverbial next step.
Baltimore 31, Denver 17
That's more like it. I'm happy for Kyle and his record-setting numbers, and I'll skip my weekly explanation of why those numbers are hollow (okay okay, just a little bit: he's on pace to throw only 25 TD passes on nearly 700 attempts, because once again this offense is the ultimate example of why yardage=/=points) as long as he continues to put up those great numbers while McDaniels still loses the game.
Atlanta 20, Cleveland 10
Yawn. Also, the Browns have now lost both Jake Delhomme (is that a loss?) and Seneca Wallace to high ankle sprains, meaning Colt McCoy will likely get his first NFL start against Pittsburgh. That poor sonofabitch.
Indianapolis 19, Kansas City 9
I really think Kansas City should give Brodie Croyle a shot at quarterback soon. Matt Cassel is terrible and he is the only thing keeping this team from being a legitimate contender. Okay, Todd Haley doesn't help, but the biggest problem is Cassel.
Jacksonville 36, Buffalo 26
Both of these teams suck.
Washington 16, Green Bay 13
So Al Harris, Atari Bigby, Nick Barnett, Morgan Burnett, Mark Tauscher, Jermaine Wiggins, Clay Matthews, and Aaron Rodgers are now hurt. The funniest part about all of that (and it's funny enough as it is) is that the Packers were still be an underachieving group of crybabies with all of those guys in the lineup. Suck it, Green Bay.
Arizona 30, New Orleans 20
I have no idea how the Cardinals overcame Max Hall's pedestrian, Jake Plummer-like numbers (168 YDS, 0 TDs, 1 INT, 65 rating) to put 30 on the Saints, but I do know that the Saints aren't going to recover from this funk until they get Pierre Thomas back and start running the ball. Also, the fact that the Cardinals are in first place despite being outscored by 50 points this season should make you weep for the state of football out west.
Tennessee 34, Dallas 27
The Cowboys 1-3 start can only be eclipsed in hilarity by the 1-4 start they will hopefully send the Vikings to next week. After that they can go 3-13 for all I care (with a final win against Green Bay, of course).
Oakland 35, San Diego 27
LOLChargers special teams. In their three losses the Chargers have gained nearly twice as much yardage as their opponents (1413-747) and have outscored opponents' offenses 49-35, but they've given lost all three thanks to 3 return TDs that killed them against KC and Seattle and two blocked punts that led to Raiders' scores. That's both sad and funny, because Phillip Rivers is a dickhead and I enjoy watching his herculean efforts go to waste.
Philadelphia 27, San Francisco 24
Mike Singletary is not a good coach, people. I know that that's probably some kind of heresy coming from a Bears fan, and he was certainly an outstanding linebacker, but he's just 13-17 as a head coach and he's just been woefully unimpressive this season. His clock management against the Saints was abominable, his hiring of Jimmy Raye as offensive coordinator is only matched in stupidity by his firing of Jimmy Raye two games into the season, and his handling of Alex Smith is shameful. Watching his little sideline tirade was painful. I don't care how Smith "responded." Smith really wasn't playing that poorly before the bitchfest, and while his two fumbles sucked, I didn't see Singletary tearing into Frank Gore for his two fumbles earlier in the game, or for his piss poor 2.9 yards per attempt. I'm really not an Alex Smith partisan, but the mark of a bad coach is singling out any one player, especially the quarterback, on a team that flat out sucks. Ever since his "I want winners!" rant, Singletary's shown no culpability whatsoever for his team's shortcomings and obviously jettisoned Raye and attacked Smith in order to deflect criticism from himself. Not impressive. /rant ended.
NY Jets 29, Minnesota 20
The Vikings suck. I think I addressed this point well enough last night.
That's enough for now. Look for Prognostication Bukakke tomorrow.