In Which I Remind You We're College Students

Iggins! and I are both trapped in the hell that is finals week, so posting will continue to be spotty up until next week. Sorry for the hell that must put you all through. On the bright side, GEEEAUUXXX SAINTS! 13-0!!! What a great time to be a LIFE LONG SAINTS FAN. Certainly wouldn't want to be stuck with those poor, 5-8, listless, aimless, hopeless Bears fans. Those sonsabitches must spend every night drinking paint thinner and curling themselves into the fetal position, begging for sleep or death to take them away from the pain of consciousness.

Weekly Picks, Bandwagon Edition

Now two games separate Red and I as Oregon State had to go and fail once again. But life is grand, for we are Saints fans!

Sigh.

Here are the picks:

(7-4) Philadelphia @ (6-5) Atlanta

Iggins!: Chris Redman, eh? Philadelphia wins.

Code Red: He went to Louisville. That has nothing to do with anything, I just felt the need to point it out. Philadelphia wins.

(1-10) St. Louis @ (4-7) Chicago

Code Red: Oh thank god. For one week the pain will stop. Or ease significantly. Or not. Or who gives a shit because I’m a lifelong Saints fan. Bears win.

Iggins!: Yeah even I can’t pick against the Bears here. Thank God I’m a Saints fan. (But seriously I have been a Drew Brees fan since he went to Purdue so this website suits me).

(2-9) Detroit @ (8-3) Cincinnati

Iggins!: Wow this game’ll be… fun. Bengals win.

Code Red: Bengals.

(3-8) Oakland @ (6-5) Pittsburgh

Code Red: Steelers.

Iggins!: Rapey should be back. And even if he isn’t… it’s the Raiders. Steelers win.

(5-6) Tennessee @ (11-0) Indianapolis

Iggins!: The Colts have been flirtin’ with disaster for weeks now and this week they play unstoppable God-man Chris Johnson and my boy Vince Young who can’t seem to lose. I’ve got Zulu Cthulu for the win. Titans win.

Code Red: God DAMNIT. Stop him! STOP HIM NOW! Colts win.

(7-4) Denver @ (3-8) Kansas City

Code Red: Guh. Sadly Denver’s losing streak is long over with opponents like this. Broncos win.

Iggins!: I hate myself for doing this but Kansas City wins.

(7-4) New England @ (5-6) Miami

Iggins!: Insert ESPN comment about Bill Belichick after a loss, New England wins.

Code Red: Insert ESPN comment about Tom Brady being more NOW. New England wins.

(11-0) New Orleans @ (3-8) Washington

Code Red: Undefeated, bitches! Geaux Saints!

Iggins!: 16-0 Bitch! Saints win.

(1-10) Tampa Bay @ (4-7) Carolina

Iggins!: Delhomme is back to his old self again and Freeman has been knocking at the door against really good teams for weeks. Tampa Bay wins.

Code Red: Eh, why not? Tampa Bay wins.

(5-6) Houston @ (6-5) Jacksonville

Code Red: The Texans will win this game. Or they won’t. Those are the options. Texans win.

Iggins!: That was very diplomatic of you. Texans win.

(8-3) San Diego @ (1-10) Cleveland

Iggins!: And the race for the first overall draft pick is on! San Diego wins.

Code Red: Cleveland’s going to have it. San Diego wins.

(8-3) Dallas @ (6-5) New York Giants

Code Red: Dallas isn’t That good, and the Giants have to do something at some point. Giants win.

Iggins!: Yeah, but the Giants suck. Cowboys win.

(5-6) San Francisco @ (4-7) Seattle

Iggins!: It’s too bad that Alex Smith’s resurgence isn’t leading to wins for the Niners. 49ers win.

Code Red: You cannot WIN WITH EM. 49ers win.

(10-1) Minnesota @ (7-4) Arizona

Code Red: Arizona, because fuck you, that’s why. Cardinals win.

Iggins!: Thank you for giving me a win. Minnesota wins.

(6-5) Baltimore @ (7-4) Green Bay

Iggins!: Baltimore hasn’t shown greatness yet this season so I can’t imagine they’ll beat Green Bay at Lambeau on Monday Night. Packers win.

Code Red: I’m a bitter, spiteful, hateful man. Ravens win.

Weekly Picks, Championship Edition

Isn't life grand as a Saints fan? Great QB, no media problems, no losses. Life is peachy. (sobs uncontrollably). Here are our records up to this week:

Iggins!: 123-67 Overall (46-32 NCAA, 77-35 NFL)

Code Red: 124-66 Overall (53-25 NCAA, 71-41 NFL)

So as you can see Red's lead over me has shrunk to one tiny little game. Although The odds of me overcoming a seven game deficit in the NCAA standings are rather small, we still differ on 4 games this week, and bowl season is yet to come! So on to the picks:

#16 Oregon State @ #7 Oregon

Iggins!: I predicted this game would be for the title weeks ago, and I also predicted the winner. I ain’t no John Kerry, Oregon State wins.

Code Red: Ah ha! But you are John Kerry in that you will lose to a man widely regarded as a moron and a failure! ….wait. Oregon wins.

Ohio vs. Central Michigan

Code Red: I am deeply, deeply disappointed that Temple’s comeback season ran out of steam and kept them from making the MAC title game. Oh well. They’ll still get ten wins and I feel less guilty about the manner in which Dan Lefevour will destroy Ohio. Central Michigan wins.

Iggins!: Ohio is coached by a guy who got date raped, and that’s pretty much what Lefevour is gonna do here. Central Michigan wins.

#5 Cincinnati @ #15 Pittsburgh

Iggins!: The Big East sucks, and Wanny is just evil enough to pull this upset. Pittsburgh wins.

Code Red: The Big East sucks, but Wanny is just incompetent enough to finish a season that started at 9-1 with 4 losses. Cincy wins.

Arizona @ #18 USC

Code Red: Ooh. Tough call. Both of these teams are good, but slightly below the upper crust of the Pac 10 this year (that was just an excuse to point and laugh at USC’s plight). I’ll go with the home team, I guess. USC wins.

Iggins!: USC has had the two most crushing defeats in the history of the Colosseum this year, both to teams who look suspiciously like Arizona. So I’m taking Arizona for the final blow to USCs season. By the way did anyone see the ESPN piece on the kid with eye cancer? Holy shit that was sad. Arizona wins.

#1 Florida vs. #2 Alabama

Iggins!: The National Title Game! This is tough, but picking against Tim Tebow is pretty damn unsafe. Florida wins.

Code Red: This will end just like last year. As evenly matched as they are in most other areas, the team with the better quarterback will be the one that wins. Florida.

#3 Texas vs. #22 Nebraska

Code Red: Seriously, someone get out the charts and shit and explain to me how Nebraska resurrected itself in order to make it to the Big 12 title game. Texas wins.

Iggins!: Well you see, Red, the biggest competition they had in the Big 12 North was K-State. They are 6-6. Texas wins.

#10 Georgia Tech vs. Clemson

Iggins!: Two opposing forces at play here. 1) The ACC Rubber Band Effect which clearly states that any ranked ACC team must lose when playing against an unranked ACC team and 2) Clemson’s history of failing when it counts over and over again. In the end I can’t pick against Clemson. Clemson wins.

Code Red: TRIPLE OPTION BCS YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH . Paul Johnson’s GT actually defies the ACC malaise by running an entirely unconventional offense and refusing to settle for a 21-14 score in every game. They will not be stopped, despite a minor setback to Georgia. Georgia Tech wins.

Week 14 College Rankings

1. (-) Florida (12-0)- This week they finally settle things with Alabama

2. (-) Texas (12-0)- I'm supposed to believe Nebraska is a threat to Texas? I say nay. Lock in that title game.

3. (-) Alabama (12-0)- See Florida

4. (-) Boise State (12-0)-They wrapped up another perfect regular season and, with Oklahoma State and Pitt both losing again, may have increased their chances of getting an At-Large BCS bid along with TCU.

5. (-) Cincinnati (11-0)- They'd better beat the Wannstache this weekend, or the Big East has no way to deny their absolute suckitude.

6. (-) TCU (12-0)- I still like Boise State more.

7. (+1) Oregon (9-2)- Oregon and Ohio State flip flop after their bye weeks because I realized I made the mistake of ranking Ohio State over Oregon.

8. (-1) Ohio State (10-2)- See above.

9. (+4) Iowa(10-2)- Iowa moves back into the top ten. Oh joy.

10.(-3) Georgia Tech (10-2)- The loss to Georgia was a minor setback on the course to world revolution which the Triple Option has plotted. It shall nevertheless overthrow the bourgeoisie and their "passing games" in the BCS!

11.(-) Penn State (10-2)- They had better not get an at-large bid over Boise or TCU. Given that they've played two good teams and lost to both of them. Holy hollow ten win season Batman!

12.(+3) Virginia Tech (9-3)- They can still salvage a ten win season, and they have a young corps of players that will return next year (including this year's star freshman runningback, Ryan Williams (1538 yds, 19 tds) who will pair with last year's star freshman runningback, Darren Evans, who has been out for the year but rushed for 1,265 yds and 11 tds in 2008, to form the most terrifying runningback duo since Cadillac Williams and Ronnie Brown took Auburn to an undefeated season in 2004).

13.(+3) Oregon State (8-3)- Oregon State has somehow climbed to #13. Be afraid, people. Be very, very afraid.

14.(+3) LSU (9-3)- God damnit. Why won't they just drop out of the top 20 for good and stop passing off their mediocrity as something slightly better than that.

15.(+3) Miami (9-3)- Miami could win 10 games for the first time since 2003.

16.(-4) Oklahoma State (9-3)- That loss to Oklahoma was unforeseen.

17.(-9) Pittsburgh (9-2)- Ha! Back where you belong, Wanny. After a loss to Cincy and whoever the hell it is they'll get in their mid-tier bowl game, Pitt's once-promising season will collapse in pure Wanny fashion.

18.(+1) Cal (8-3)- I'm still not sure they won't find Some way to fuck this up. Tedford does not win in December, damnit.

19.(+3) BYU (10-2)- So BYU's quarterback can't say he Hates his rival, Utah? Damn Mormons. Let Max Hall hate who he wants to hate. His hatred will make him powerful.

20.(-) USC (8-3)- Nothing to see here.

21.(+4) Houston (10-2)- Meh.

22.(-8) Clemson (8-4)- Damnit Clemson. For a second there I thought you'd finally do something un-Clemsony and beat teams you're supposed to beat. But no, so now a crushing defeat at the hands of the Triple Option is all you have to look forward to.

23.(NR) Nebraska (9-3)- Woah. How'd that happen?

24.(-) Central Michigan (10-2)- Yep.

25.(NR) West Virginia (8-3)- Well, this is unexpected.

A Poll, Because I'm Still Too Disgruntled to Write

After a whole day of reflection and soul-searching, I still haven't come up with anything to say about the Bears-Vikings game (why I care, given that I'm a life-long Saints fan, I don't know). It went about as poorly as I expected, other than the team only giving up four sacks. Cleveland managed that, so, in your face, Jared Allen. There's no other way to describe this team right now other than what it is: a complete and utter fucking disaster.

My illustrious comrade on this blog, Iggins!, seems to think three playoffless seasons brought on by injuries (not Lovie's fault), poor coaching changes and decisions (replacing Rivera with Babich, keeping Ron Turner, running the Cover 2 long after the personnel no longer suited it, all of which Is Lovie's fault), and awful personnel decisions (Angelo's fault indeed, but also Lovie's, as he was the one who insisted Danieal Manning/Adam Archuletta were better options than Chris Harris, he's the one who insisted the team draft Cedric Benson, he's the one who still runs the Cover 2 even though the personnel no longer suits it), Lovie's just a guy with a bunch of bad luck who shouldn't be fired. I maintain my long-held stance that everything Iggins! says is wrong, and that Lovie (and Jerry) should be run out of town. Hub Arkush (I know. It's not much) says the Bears have talked specifically to Bill Cowher and that Cowher "would be very interested" in the Bears job. Shanahan's also an option, as is Jon Gruden (I'd be okay with two of those. I won't tell you which one I don't like, but I'll give a hint: "That guy is a football player. He came to play football!") But that's all speculation for now. Since I don't want to keep grumbling, and honestly, nothing I'd bitch about would be any different than what I've bitched about with increasing frequency all season long, here's a poll:

Who Will Coach the Bears in 2010

• 
  
  Bill Cowher


• 
  
  Mike Shanahan


• 
  
  Jon Gruden


• 
  
  Mike Leach


• 
  
  Lovie Smith because you know this is a waste of time and the McCaskeys are cheap bastards


• 
  
  Ditka!


• 
  
  Dick Jauron (He's Available!)


• 
  
  Charlie Weiss


• 
  
  My Balls


• 
  
  Other

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