How to Rate A Quarterback

The other day an esteemed colleague of mine and I were debating quarterback rating as a viable method for evaluating quarterbacks. This foolish fellow may have been attempting to argue that Win-Loss record was a more valuable tool for measuring a quarterback's worth, and I wholeheartedly disagreed, as I do not believe that 19-12 Rex Grossman (70.2 career QB rating)is a better or more valuable quarterback than 17-20 Jay Cutler (87.1 career QB rating). So,what is the greatest indicator of a great quarterback?

Touchdowns? Brett Favre has more of those than anyone in history, but that's counterbalanced by the fact that he's the all time interceptions leader.

Completion percentage? By that count Jeff Garcia (61.6 career) is better than Troy Aikman (61.5), and I just don't buy that.

Yards per attempt? Well that would make the so-so Jake Delhomme (7.9 ypa last year) one of the best quarterbacks in the league.

So what metric Truly defines great quarterback?

Simply put, there isn't one. Or at least there wasn't one till now. Gentlemen, I introduce to you the Kyle Orton Quarterback Rate-O-Meter, or KOQROM for short. It's based on a highly complicated and secretive formula which takes into account win-loss records, QB rating, yards per attempt, passing yards, touchdowns, interceptions, facial hair, blood alcohol content, the number of comparisons John Madden makes of said quarterback to Brett Favre, and a variety of other factors. Using the KOQROM system, we wind up with the following league leaders at quarterback

(Scale runs from 0-275.6)

1. Kyle Orton, 256.8
2. Ben Roethlisberger, 221.4
3. Brett Favre, 217.3
4. Tony Romo, 206.9
5. Donovan McNabb, 199.6
6. Jay Cutler, 191.8
7. Phillip Rivers, 188.7
8. Matt Schaub, 186.8
9. Gus Frerrote,178.4
10.Trent Edwards, 169.4

Clearly the system works.

Most. Valuable. Quarterback. Evar.