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Sunday, September 30, 2007

Why We're Here




Hello, Welcome to Start Kyle Orton. This is a website started by myself, Kyle Morris, and my good friend Travis Franck for many reasons. Reason Number 1, of course, is to tout the merits of one Kyle Orton as Chicago Bears Starting Quarterback. However, there's only so much that can be touched upon on that subject and we also will discuss, quite frequently, our love of Chicago Bears football in general, as well as Chicago Cubs baseball, College football (I am a fan of the 4-1 Fighting Illini, Travis is a fan of the beleagured who gives a shit 2-3 Hawkeyes. "Look! another Bootleg!"), and maybe if we're just that godawful bored, basketball. But to best give a sense of our purpose, I'll relate it to you as I would relate it to this 7 year old bears fan, who we will name Timmy

Kyle: Hi Timmy, how are you


Timmy: I'm Great!!


Kyle: That's great Timmy, now Timmy, do you like football?


Timmy:YEAH!!!!


Kyle: And who is your favorite team Timmy?


Timmy: I like the Bears! Yay Bears!


Kyle: Now Timmy, what's your favorite football play?

Timmy: I like when the quarterback throws a touchdown!

Kyle: Well, Timmy, if you like that play, why the fuck are you a Bears fan?

Timmy: Umm! You said a bad word!

Kyle: I don't give a shit,Timmy, now tell me, why the hell are you a Bears fan!?

Timmy: (sobbing slowly) My daddy's a Bears fan..

Kyle: You know why you're daddy's a Bears fan Timmy? Because he's a beatdown thirty year old factory worker who's still in love with a polish man named Ditka. Yeah, it was a blue collar football team, asshole, and look at all of us. WHOO!! FUCKING FOUR SIX DEFENSE!!!

Timmy: Why are you being so mean!!

Kyle: Because I'm life, Timmy, and life is mean! Get fucking used to it! Why don't you become a fan of the Colts if you like touchdowns so much Timmy?!

Timmy: Well..I guess..

Kyle: Yeah, there you go Timmy! Now for the rest of your God forsaken life all of us other Bears fans will berate you for being a sissy boy little girl and a bandwagon jumper!

Timmy: But I wanna like football...

Kyle: IT'S EITHER ENJOY FOOTBALL OR LIVE A HAPPY LIFE TIMMY, YOU CAN'T HAVE BOTH!

Timmy: Bu, but..

Kyle: RUN AWAY TIMMY, RUN THE FUCK AWAY!

Timmy: (runs away screaming hysterically)

Kyle: Never could have cut it as a Bears fan anyway. Enjoy Indianapolis, you little prick.

1 comment:

TAFARockWarrior97 said...

Well, that was positively douchey.