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Wednesday, October 10, 2007


Yes, folks. Its Illinois-Iowa week at Start Kyle Orton. For once I'm the one filled with possibly outrageous expectations of a Big Ten Title and Iggins! is the one nearly left in suicidal despair over the tragic/hysterical play of his beleagured Hawkeyes. Illinois is currently a 3.5 point favorite over the struggling Hawkeyes in Iowa City. This is indeed a departure from recent history if you'll look at the last several Illini-Hawkeye games..

2006- Iowa 24, Illinois 7
2005-Iowa 35, Illinois 7
2004- Iowa 23, Illinois 13
2003- Iowa 41, Illinois 10
2000-Illinois 31, Iowa 0

Yes, that's right, it's been SEVEN YEARS since Illinois beat the Iowa Hawkeyes. At this point I don't care what anybody says, most of all Iggins!, as an Illini fan, I'm not taking this one as a given until the final whistle. God I hate Iowa. I hate everything about that completely pointless state, its athletics program, the fact that their milquetoast football coach is the highest paid employee in the state, the fact that not ONE person from that entire state knows how to drive a car, the fact that every year in basketball Illinois has a vastly superior team and yet always manages to either lose or so severely play below their ability to the Hawkeyes that Iowa fans have reason to throw a "yeah, but.." in our face every damn time.
Example :

Code Red: Man, those 37-2 2004-2005 Illini had some great players.

Iggins!: Yeah, but you only beat a 21-12 Hawkeyes team by 5. IN ASSEMBLY HALL!! SOMEHOW, BY MY TWISTED LOGIC THAT BASICALLY MEANS IOWA WON! MUAHAHAHAHA!

Code Red: Fuck you!

Iggins!: Besides, college basketball is only the bastard stepchild of college football, and you haven't beat us since 2000.

Code Red: No! College basketball is the best collegiate sport!

Well folks, we all know for a fact that college basketball is in fact, inferior to college football. Please, Illinois, win this game and let me for once embrace college football and have something, anything to crush Iggins! with.

(and yes, I did refer to Kirk Ferentz as "milquetoast". But its true! I imagine a conversation between Coach Zook and Coach Ferentz being something like this...

Zook: Hey, Coach Ferentz! How the hell are you?!

Ferentz: Oh, I'm good. Took the wife to Red Lobster last night, had the uh, garlic shrimp scampi. It was nice, you know, not too expensive, nothing fancy. Just a good meal.

Zook: That's fantastic! Red Lobster RAWKS! I go there all the time when I'm trying to recruit some blue chippers! Surf 'n' Turf gets the Zookster PUMPED!

Ferentz: Yeah, it's one of the wife's favorites. Like to take her there on special occassions. How are you feeling with the big season and all, looks like a good team you've got.

Zook: Could not be more EXCITED! Everything's getting BETTER and BETTER! (Bashes head into wall four times, runs off screaming).

Ferentz: What an interesting young man. )

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