Your SKO Random Third Baseman of the Day: Len Randle

Before I begin with the Len Randle profile, a few comments-

-38-21 is fantastic, though if this team could just tack on 3 more wins to get this baby to 20 games over .500 in June, that would be tits.

-Idaho sucks, and it does not carry Cubs games, anywhere.

- If anyone in this bullpen not named Wood or Marmol were to step up and make an out, shirtless hugs could be picked up at the Start Kyle Orton Headquarters.

- Sweep Time, though it saddens me that if it is to occur, it must be at Mad Dog's expense.

Anywho, onto the only reason people come here during baseball season-

Name: Len Randle
Bats: Switch Throws: Right
Ht: 5'10'' Wt: 169
Years as a Cub: 1980

He made sure to sign on the side to leave as much of his glorious physique as visible as possible

Back in the early 1970s Len Randle was a promising young prospect for the Texas Rangers as a speedy lead-off hitter and second baseman, but was then traded to the Mets in 1977 after punching the Rangers manager during a fight in spring training. In 1980, after much of Randle's speed had disappeared and he had worn out his stays with the Mets, and Yankees Randle was signed by the Cubs to play third base, a position he had played at various stretches in his career, but did not play a single inning at in 1979.

Randle was claimed off waivers from the Seattle Mariners on April 1, 1980 to back up incumbent third baseman Steve Ontiveros, but when the latter struggled to a .208 average, Randle was made the starter and Ontiveros was eventually released. Randle eventually appeared in 130 games for the Cubs in 1980, and made 110 appearances at third base in that time. Randle spent the first two months of the season as the Cubs primary leadoff hitter, and spent 47 total games in the number one spot, where he posted a mediocre .269/3/17/.344/.378 line in the 1 spot. Overall in 1980 Randle hit .276 with 5 hrs, 39 RBIs, a .343 OBP, and a .370 Slug. %., and made 23 errors at third base, resulting in a below average .922 fielding percentage and his eventual benching in favor of Steve Dillard. The Cubs that season slumped their way to 68-94 record. The disappointing season led to the dismissal of manager Preston Gomez and an overhaul of the team that would eventually culminate in the 1984 NL East champion team.

As for Randle himself, he was granted free agency following the 1980 season and retired after the 1982 season. After retirement he played in both the Italian 1A league, where he lead the league with a .477 average, and in the Senior Professional Baseball Association in 1989 and 1990, before the league folded.

Your SKO Random Third Baseman of the Day: Miguel Cairo

Name: Miguel Jesus Cairo
Ht:6'0'' Wt:160
Bats: Right Throws: Right
Years As a Cub: 1997, 2001

He thought it was funny, too.

If you've forgotten that Miguel Cairo was ever a Chicago Cub, well, congratulations to you.
The no-stick, no-glove utility player actually made two stops on the North Side, once during the miserable 1997 season and again in a much larger role during the 2001 season, a season which ultimately brought pain to Cubs fans after a hope-filled season that saw the Cubs in first place from April through July before an August slump led to a third place finish. Despite a .328/64 hr/160 RBI season from Sammy Sosa, that season will forever be indelibly linked with the Miguel Cairo Era for most Cubs fans.

Cairo was picked up by the Cubs before the 2001 season in a trade with the Oakland A's in which the Cubs gave up prospect Eric Hinske. Hinske, a third baseman as well, would go on to win the 2002 Rookie of the Year Award and has posted exactly one good half season in his 7 major league years, making him a productive player for exactly one more half season than Miguel Cairo has ever been.

Most people don't really know where my loathing of Miguel Cairo comes from. The fact that the majority of his career has been spent in Yankee, Cardinal, or Met uniforms is a likely reason, or the fact that his existence on the bench in 2001 forced Cubs fans to pray every day that Don Baylor would start Ron Coomer instead, and I am profoundly against anything that makes me pine for Ron Fucking Coomer. In all actuality Miguel posted an above career average season as a Cub offensively ( .285/2 hr/9 RBI/.364 OBP/.374 SLUG) all of which were above his career norms. Defensively, at least in his 40 games at third, he was miserable, with 5 errors and a terrible .900 fielding %, but that also is not my true reason for praying for his death via flesh-eating bacteria.

My true reason for hating Miguel Cairo is that for some reason his release by the Cubs, and subsequent pick-up by the Cardinals, made him the f*&king catalyst for the Cubs fall from 1st place and the Cardinals rise past the Cubs to the NL Wild Card. On August 10, the day Cairo was claimed off of waivers from the Cubs by the Cardinals, Chicago was in 1st place at 66-48, while the 59-55 Cardinals were 7.0 games back and lost in the middle of the playoff picture. After the Cards took Cairo (who hit .333 with St. Louis), the Cubs went 22-26 to finish 88-74 and out of the playoffs. The Cardinals got blisteringly hot, and went on a 34-14 run to finish 93-69, tied with Houston for the Central Division lead, and earned a Wild Card berth.

How Miguel Cairo of all people managed to so drastically change the fates of two teams, two epic rivals, I don't know. All I know is I hate that blasted troll with every fiber of my being.

Cairo went on to play with the Cardinals, Mets, and Yankees, and is currently a member of the Seattle Mariners, where his .208 average is the talk of the American League.

Seriously, Miguel Cairo? How the f*&k did that happen?

Your SKO Random Third Baseman of the Day: Chris Stynes

Name: Christopher Desmond Stynes
Ht:5'9'' Wt:170
Bats: Right Throws: Right
Years as a Cub: 2002

Chris Stynes appears bemused by your suggestion that he get a hit.

I'll say one good thing about Chris Stynes. The sonofabitch didn't strike out a lot. The guy struck out more than 56 times just Once in his major league career, and in his 195 Cub at-bats he K'd just 29 times. Outside of that, Chris Stynes was a miserable baseball player. The man was an absolute butcher in the field, had pathetic power for a corner infielder, and really is a perfectly viable example of why the 2002 Cubs were so bad. When you're fielding Hundley at catcher, McStiff at first, Bobby Hill at 2nd, Alex Gonalez at short, Stynes at third, Rosie Brown in left, and Korey in center it's not much of a stretch to figure out how they won just 67 games.
After a 2001 season in which he became a beloved "scrappy" hitter for the Boston Red Sox, earning one of their beloved "Dirt Dog" labels, Stynes was signed by the Cubs in January of 2002 to back-up starter Bill Mueller. Now, as I've mentioned before, signing a back-up for Bill Mueller basically implies that the guys gonna start for at least one month during the season. Sure enough, Mueller wasn't ready for the start of the season and Stynes started 16 games at 3rd during the opening month, as well as 46 total for the year. In all Stynes appeared in 95 games with 40 of those appearances at 3rd base. Stynes had a downright idiotically wide open batting stance that earned him a paltry .241/5hr/26 RBI/.314 OBP/.374 slug. line that season, and made me pine for Ron Coomer. In the field Stynes was even more of a disaster, as he made 5 errors in his 40 games at third and had a .919 fielding percentage, leading then-Pirate Aramis Ramirez to comment on how Stynes "really is a liability at the hot corner". Stynes' range in the field pretty much consisted of his left shoulder to his right, as his range factor of 1.43 was well below the league average of 2.25.

After Mueller returned from the DL and Mark Bellhorn proved he could hit lefties, Stynes fell to third on the depth chart at both third and second base and saw his playing time rapidly decrease. Cub fans were thrilled by the development, as hopes soared that a Bellhorn-Gonzalez-Mueller left side infield would be the key to a 70 win season. As always, those hopes proved fruitless.

Stynes was released by the Cubs in December of '02, spent the 2003 and 2004 seasons with the Rockies and Pirates, respectively, and retired in 2005 after shattering his fibia on a foul ball during a spring training stint with the Orioles. Don't worry Chris, you were better off Not making the team, broken leg and all.

Congratulations Greg Maddux!

After his 350th career win Start Kyle Orton would like to extend our most sincere congratulations to the best pitcher of this era and a true class act. You're far too humble to ever admit it, Greg, but we'll say it: you were too good for us.

Your SKO Random Third Baseman of the Day (Yes, I Still Do This): Leo Gomez

Name: Leonardo Velez Gomez
Ht:6'0'' Wt: 208
Bats: Right Throws: Right
Years as a Cub: 1996

This picture is as low quality as Gomez himself.

Leonardo Gomez is an enigma. On the one hand, you'd look at his numbers and think he was a terrible baseball player. On the other hand, those that watched Gomez play remember him.....as a terrible baseball player. What's an enigma again?

After the Todd Zeile trade failed miserably during the 1995 season, the Cubs went searching for an answer at the position for 1996. Gomez, once considered the Orioles third baseman of the future, had underperformed greatly for most of his 6 season tenure, and lost his starting job in '95 to Jeff Mantos after a combination of injuries and ineffectiveness limited him to just 53 games. I don't know who Jeff Mantos is, and neither do you, but its a safe bet that if he ever takes your job, you should just give up. Gomez did the closest thing to giving up, and signed with the Cubs.

The 1996 Cubs were coming off a season in which they had surprised the world by finishing a whopping 2 games over .500. While expectations were high, they f*&king Soared when the news broke that Leo Gomez was in the fold. At the time I was but a mere 8 years old, but even I could see the writing on the wall that with Leo Gomez on the roster a pennant was Nigh.

But alas, it was not to be. The 1996 Cubs, were, much like the 1995 Cubs, utterly mediocre. Well, actually slightly less than. The team scored 772 runs and allowed 771. Their Pythagorean W-L was 81-81, the definition of mediocrity. They finished just below that at 76-86. In this entirely unremarkable season Leo Gomez was, entirely unremarkable. A respectable first half (.261/13 hr/36 RBIs/.363 OBP/.491 Slug.) gave way to a miserable second half (.199/4/20/.315/.331) for an overall .236/17/56/.344/.431 line in 136 games. In the field Gomez played above-average defense on the balls he could get to (.972 fielding %, just 7 errors) but had well below average range at his position, as he apparently agreed that just letting the ball roll through the outfield grass to the powerful arm of Luis Gonzalez was a better idea than trying to, you know, Field it.

After the 1996 season the Cubs released Gomez, leading to the debut of rookie Kevin Orie. Thanks for that one, Gomer. Gomez went on to play baseball in Japan and according to his Wikipedia page he's a churchgoer. How nice.

The Roster of Broken Dreams- The Pitchers

Several days ago we covered the position players on this journey through years of busts, today we get to the hurlers. Nobody gets a team's fan base more fired up than the Can't Miss Ace. We all want the next Roger Clemens (sans the steroids and asshole personality) or Jake Peavy to come up through our ranks. The Cubs have been fortunate enough to turn out a few successes in the pitching category in Carlos Zambrano, Carlos Marmol, the relative success that is Kerry Wood, and the brief superstar that Mark Prior was, as well as several others of varying success that they've turned out over the last decade or more. Despite the greater level of success in producing pitchers than in producing position players, the Cubs have still turned out some atrocious disasters on the mound. The most notable 12 (5 starters, 7 relief) are presented here.

Note: The pitcher's statistics are a bit tricky. For the starters, I took each pitcher's career numbers as a starter and averaged those numbers out to a full starter's season, IE, 30-35 starts, while I took each reliever's career numbers as a reliever and averaged those out to a 60 game season, thus giving the reader an idea of what they could expect out of a full season from each pitcher. Granted, win-loss records will not add up to 162 games, and they are not intended to. This is merely to give an idea of what a full season from each individual would be according to their career averages. At the end I will add up the runs they would surrender and use the runs the offense would score to compile a very flawed and inaccurate Pythagorean Win-Loss record that is by no means scientific but gives a rough estimate of this team's "capabilities".

SP- Angel Guzman 0-16, 7.75 ERA, 135 earned runs

What is there to say about Angel Guzman? After signing with the Cubs as an 18 year old free agent in 1999, Guzman made his professional debut with the low-A Boise Hawks in 2001 and blew away the competition with by going 9-1 with a 2.22 ERA, a 1.13 WHIP and 63 K's in 77 innings, and turned heads with his mid 90s fastball and hard breaking curve. Guzman followed that up with an 11-4, 2.19 ERA, 1.22 WHIP, and 123 K's in 153 innings in 24 games for low A Lansing and high A Daytona. In 2003, the quick rising Guzman started the season with AA West Tennessee and was 3-3, 2.80 ERA, 1.21 WHIP, and 87 K's in 90 innings and 15 starts and made the Futures team. Guzman did not pitch in that game, however, as he suffered a shoulder injury and was shut down for the season. In 2004, the rehabbing Guzman was just 3-4, 4.69 ERA, 1.06 WHIP, and 53 K's in 48 innings in just 11 starts for Daytona and West Tennessee. In 2005 Guzman Continued to rehab his shoulder and made just 6 starts, going 0-1, 2.45 ERA, 1.15 WHIP, 24 K's in 18.1 innings. In 2006 Guzman finally made it to AAA, three seasons after making it to AA. In 15 games at Iowa in '06, Guzman was 4-4, 4.04 ERA, 1.27 WHIP, 77 K's in 75.2 innings. Guzman also made his major league debut with the Cubs in 2006, and a whopper that was. In 15 games (10 starts) with the Cubs, Guzman was 0-6 with a 7.39 ERA. Wulf. In 2007 Guzman began the season in the bullpen with the Cubs, and made 4 appearances in April with a 2.45 ERA. Guzman may well have stayed in the 'pen had Wade Miller not been horrendously bad resulting in Angel being sent down, stretched out, and brought back up to start. Guzman came back up and made three starts in May, and pitched decently (0-0, 3.52 ERA), but was seemingly incapable of going past 5 innings due to a variety of cramps and pulls. Guzman went back to the bullpen for five more games after his three starts, but had to be shut down due to elbow pain. Following Tommy John surgery, Guzman is out until at least the middle of this season. To recap: in 8 professional seasons, Guzman has been healthy enough to finish 3 of them. In his major league career he is 0-7 with a 6.05 ERA and a 1.69 WHIP. The Cubs have already stated that he will be a full-time relief pitcher when he returns. The one-time future ace is now a shriveled, injury racked shadow of his former self (why does that sound familiar?).

SP-Juan Cruz 9-16, 4.17 ERA, 84 earned runs

There was a time back in the late 1990s when Cubs fans eagerly anticipated the arrival of the Cubs two top prospects: Corey Patterson and Juan Cruz. Patterson has already been covered, and may just be the most damning failure in Cubs development history. But fear not, Cruz managed to join his fellow blue-chipper in the sea of disappointment. With his slight frame and hard fastball, Cruz drew comparisons to Pedro Martinez and only added to the hype by going 3-1, 3.22 in 8 starts during his rookie debut in 2001. In 2002 Cruz started the season in the rotation and went 1-7 in 9 starts. Many have defended Cruz's turn in the rotation in 2002 by arguing that he lacked runs support and had a respectable 3.74 ERA as a starter. However, Cruz walked 31 batters in his 45.2 innings as a starter and had a high 1.65 WHIP. For comparison, Rich Hill has a 1.58 WHIP this year. That ought to give you an idea of the control problems Cruz had. After finishing the season 3-11, 3.98 ERA in 45 games, Cruz went 2-7 with a 6.05 ERA in 25 games (6 starts) for the Cubs in 2003 and was traded to Atlanta before the 2004 season, where he's since become a bullpen ace/swing man for the Braves, A's, and Diamondbacks.

SP-Ruben Quevedo 7-16, 6.15 ERA, 122 earned runs

Someone once told me that Ruben Quevedo wasn't a highly enough considered prospect to make this team, but the man was so utterly incompetent that I'd say his amount of failure hurt more than most of our first round busts. After being acquired from the Braves along with Micah Bowie (its a two for one of suck!) in 1999, Quevedo made his big league debut with the Cubs in 2000 and was a fine contributor to a 65-97 team. In his 21 games (15 starts) the portly right hander went 3-10 with a 7.47 ERA and 21 homers surrendered in 88 innings. The major league record for home runs surrendered by a pitcher in one season is 50, by Bert Blyleven in 1986. Bert pitched 271.7 innings that year. If Quevedo had pitched that many innings and gave up homers at his 2000 pace, he'd have given up 65 homers. Quevedo was turfed to the Brewers after the 2000 season and was out of the majors after 2003.

SP-G(J)eremi Gonzalez 11-14, 4.78 ERA, 112 earned runs

How unassertive do you have to be that you don't even inform the teams you play for of the proper spelling of your name until you've been in professional baseball for 15 years? Geremi Gonzalez, who signed with the Cubs in 1991 as Jeremi Gonzalez, made his major league debut in 1997 and along with Kevin Orie was one of the few bright spots of that nightmarish season. Yes, I just said that. The 22 year old Gonzalez went 11-9, 4.25 ERA in 23 starts for the Cubs that year and finished 9th in Rookie of the Year voting. Heading into the 1998 season, Cubs fans assumed that fireballer Kerry Wood would pair with Gonzalez to give the Cubs a solid 1-5 rotation behind veterans Kevin Tapani, Steve Trachsel, and Mark Clark. Gonzalez, however, struggled in 20 starts in 98, going 7-7 with a 5.32 ERA before blowing out his elbow. Gonzalez would never appear with the Cubs again, and was released in 2001. He reappeared in 2003 with the Devil Rays, and has also played with the Red Sox, the Mets, and the Brewers. When he arrived in Milwaukee in 2006, Gonzalez informed the team of the proper spelling of his name, correcting the mistake.While Jeremi Gonzalez has flamed out of the majors, Geremi Gonzalez is now playing in Japan.

SP- Sergio Mitre 7-13, 5.19 ERA, 109 earned runs

Sinkerballer Sergio Mitre was supposed to have great success with the lush infield grass of Wrigley Field, but frequently struggled to throw strikes and not get hammered by the opposition. Mitre was given repeated chances with the big league club thanks to continued injuries to Mark Prior in 2003, 2004, and 2005. Mitre responded by going 0-1 with an 8.31 ERA in 2003, 2-4 with a 6.62 ERA in 2004, and 2-5 with a 5.37 ERA in 2005. Mitre was then sent to the Marlins in the Juan Pierre deal before the 2006 season and I for one was happy to be rid of his disturbing child-molester like visage.

LRP-Jon Leicester 5-4, 5.13 ERA, 30 earned runs

A decent rookie campaign in 2004 (5-1, 3.89 ERA) had some Cubs fans discussing "Ice Man" Jon Leicester as a possible closer candidate. Leicester's 2005 (0-2, 9.00 ERA) put a rest to that talk as Leicester was designated for assignment by the Cubs in November of 2005 and now finds himself in the Orioles minor leagues, the wastebasket of failed Cubs.

MRP-Shawn Boskie 9-5, 3.65 ERA, 42 earned runs

A 1st round pick by the Cubs in 1986, Boskie followed up a promising first year (5-6, 3.69 ERA in 15 starts) by going 4-9 and 5-11 in his next two years as a starter and wound up in the bullpen. After a solid season in middle relief in 1993 (5-3, 3.43 ERA), Boskie pitched just two games for the Cubs in 1994 before being traded to the Phillies.

MRP-Will Ohman 2-2, 4.19 ERA, 22 earned runs

The bullpen's token lefty, the injury prone and sandwich loving Ohman went made his debut with the Cubs in 2000, going 1-0 with an 8.10 ERA, followed that up by going 0-1 with a 7.71 ERA in 2001 and then spent the 2002, 2003, and 2004 campaigns sidelined by injuries. Ohman made his return to the majors and had his best season in 2005 going 2-2 with a 2.91 ERA in 60 games. After a rocky 1-1, 4.13 ERA 2006, Ohman struggled early for the 2007 Cubs, found himself on Lou's shit list, was sent down to Iowa, and finished the season with a 2-4, 4.95 ERA in 56 games, mostly in mop-up duty. Ohman also had a tendency to run his mouth, and after wearing out Lou's patience was traded to the Atlanta Braves.

MRP-Todd Wellemeyer 4-4, 4.82 ERA, 63 earned runs

Yet another failed "Closer of the Future", highly touted hard-thrower Wellemeyer had three disastrous seasons with the Cubs from 2003-2005 and went just 5-3 with a 6.19 ERA in 57 games with the Cubs before being released. After failing with the Marlins and the Royals in 2006 and 2007, Wellemeyer found himself with the Cardinals and has since been an effective spot starter and bullpen pitcher for St. Louis, earning him even more of my wrath.

SU-Francis Beltran 3-2, 5.86 ERA, 47 earned runs

With a high 90s fastball, devastating splitter, and solid sideburns Francis Beltran was supposed to be the 2002-2004 Cubs what Carlos Marmol has been to the 2007 and 2008 Cubs. He wasn't, as he was 0-0, 7.50 ERA in 2002 and 2-2, 4.63 ERA in 2004, with 38 walks in 47 innings as a Cub before being traded to the Expos in the Nomar deal. After spending the 2005-2007 seasons in the minors, Beltran was called up to the Tigers this year and posted a 5.73 ERA in 5 games before being sent back down.

SU-Terry Adams 4-5, 4.03 ERA, 31 earned runs

Terry Adams was like a horrifying nightmare you keep having night after night after night. Adams, a 4th round pick in 1991, was with the Cubs for five seasons from 1995-1999 despite having just one good year (1996, when he pitched an absurd 101 innings, all in relief). Twice during that stretch the Cubs were forced to make him their closer, in 1997 after Mel Rojas proved to be the worst God damn thing to ever walk from the pen to the mound, and in 1999 after Rod Beck's arm fell off. In 1997 Adams was just 18 of 33 (yes I know some of those blown saves were as a set-up man, either way it sucks) in save situations, and in 1999 he was just 13-21. It was in middle relief and set-up situations that the Cubs used Adams the most, however, and that is the role he plays on this team. In his 5 Cubs seasons Adams posted thoroughly mediocre ERAs of 6.50, 2.94, 4.62, 4.33, and 4.02 to go along with records of 1-1, 3-6, 2-9, 7-7, and 6-3 (overall 18-26), before leaving for the Dodgers in 2000.

CP-Kyle Farnsworth 2-4, 4.12 ERA, 27 earned runs

Kyle F*&king Farnsworth. No Cub in my lifetime has, for whatever reason, infuriated me more than Farnsworth. For six seasons Farnsworth trotted his dumb ass out to the mound and more often than not crapped on it. The spoiled frat boy with the million dollar arm and thirty cent brain wasted every ounce of talent that he was blessed with. Despite his 100 MPH fastball, Farnsworth never came close to becoming the Cubs closer. Rumors swirled around Farnsworth's party boy activities and every single member of the Cub organization and every fan who wasn't a God damn chick obsessed with his looks questioned his desire to even play baseball. The idiot wound up on the disabled list for breaking his toe by trying to punt a baseball and for kicking a metal fan in the clubhouse. After moving back and forth between the bullpen and the rotation in 1999 and 2000, Farnsworth moved to the bullpen permanently in 2001. The move seemed to work as the Farns posted a 2.74 ERA 76 games that year. But in 2002 Kyle's wild inconsistency returned and he finished with a 7.33 ERA in 45 games. A rebound year in 2003 that saw Kyle post a 3.30 ERA in 77 games was followed by a 4.73 ERA in 2004 that ended when Kyle returned from the DL after his fan kicking incident in time to post a 6.84 second half ERA as the Cubs choked away a playoff spot. In his Cub career Farnsworth was 22-37 and is just 26-54 in save opportunities in his career. After the 2004 season Kyle was traded to Detroit, who traded him to Atlanta in time for Kyle to blow a 6-1 Braves lead in a game during the Division Series against Houston. Kyle signed with the Yankees before the 2006 seasons and is now in his third year of hilariously preventing save opportunities from finding their way to Mariano Rivera.

So there you have the entire 25 man Roster of Broken Dreams. Any suggestions on players I've missed or you would have as reserves on the 40 man roster are welcome. With some very imprecise calculations, the Pythagorean Win-Loss record of this team comes out to a very dire 58-104. Before finding yourself overcome with despair over the state of the Cubs farm system, quickly look at this link and remind yourself that a turnaround is near and that this current Cubs team is coming off of a playoff appearance and has played great baseball for most of this season. As finals week is approaching this has taken far longer to get up than I expected and future posts may be sporadic for a while. Thank you for your patience and I hope you enjoyed this little segment.

The Roster of Broken Dreams

In the game of baseball, there are two ways to build a team that can win consistently each year. One way is what most refer to as the "Yankee" method, where you just throw a heaping wad of cash at every top tier free agent and stock your roster with the whores that say yes, or acquire acquire star players in trades from small market teams that can't afford them any longer. The other way is to develop young players acquired in the draft, signed as amateurs, or prospects picked up from other teams in trades. This method has proven largely successful over the last decade or so for such teams as the Oakland A's, Atlanta Braves, Cleveland Indians, Florida Marlins, and Minnesota Twins. As far as these two methods apply to the Cubs, the first method has, up until the last few years, been largely ignored as the Cub methods regarding free agency typically involve waving small amount of cash at the top tier free agents, then signing Ron Coomer when the star players decline. As unsuccessful as the Cubs have been in the free agent game, however, their player development failures far surpass all others. The last starting quality position player the Cubs developed was Mark Grace, who made his major league debut in 1988. 1988 happens to be the year I was born. Since the jury is still out on whether such players as Ryan Theriot, Ronny Cedeno, Geovany Soto, and Felix Pie will have sustained success at the major league level, this essentially means that in my Entire lifetime the Cubs minor league system has failed to produce one successful position player.Therefore, as a testament to this glorious failure in player scouting and development, I have compiled a 25 man roster of 13 position players and 12 pitchers who have been brought up to the majors by the Cubs during my lifetime and failed horrendously. This list was compiled mostly through debate and vote over on the Hire Jim Essian! shoutbox, and is by no means a scientific or concrete list. So here I present to you the roll call of busts that has been labeled "The Roster from Hell", "Reason's to Fire Jim Hendry", "MacPhail's Navy", "The SBUCs", "The Bizarro Cubs", and so on.

Note:The statistics that you see next to each player's name are not, in fact, actual statistics they put up in their career, but a 162 game projection from Baseball Reference, which analyzes data and gives you a relative idea of what you could expect from each position player if he started for a full year. The results are terrifying. I also apologize for the length of this long, long, long article

Catchers- The catching position is interesting, as the Cubs have produced relatively few failures at this position. They've also produced no successes since Joe Girardi, thus proving that Cubs catching prospects are often bad enough that they fail to even make the majors.

Starter- Damon Berryhill- .240/11/61/.288/.368

Berryhill was the 1st round pick of the Cubs in the 1984 draft, and was envisioned as the successor to Jody Davis. Berryhill made his major league debut in 1987 and spent that season as as Davis's backup. After splitting time with Davis throughout the first half of 1988, Davis was shipped to the Braves and Berryhill was made the starter. Berryhill hit just .259 with 7 homers and a meager .295 OBP in 95 games in 1988, and would lose his starting job to the rookie Girardi in 1989. Berryhill hit .189 in back to back seasons with the Cubs as Girardis backup before being traded to the Braves like his predecessor.

Reserve-Rick Wrona - .244/6/37/.267/.345

Wrona was a fifth round pick by the Cubs in the 1985 draft, and zipped through their minor league system, making the majors in just his third year of pro ball. The rushed development showed, however, as Wrona never started more than 27 games in his major league career, and hit only 3 career home runs.

First Base- Fortunately for the Cubs, Mark Grace was a mainstay at first base from 1988-2000, thus leaving them with a mere three year window from 2001-2003 in which they had to try their own miserable prospects at first before they manged to swindle Derrek Lee from the Marlins before the 2004 season.

Hee Seop Choi- .240/18/54/.349/.437

Hee Seop Choi was signed by Cubs Far East scout Leon Lee, father of Derrek, in May of 1999. The 6'5'' Choi was sent to play for the Lugnuts and posted a stellar .321/18 hr/70 RBIs/.422 OBP/.610 Slug. line in just 79 games that year with a 1.032 OPS. After posting OPS of .902, 1.042, and .931, in various stops throughout the minors, Choi got the Opening Day start for the Cubs in 2003 after a brief 24 game call up the previous season. After a decent first half in which the left-handed Choi had 7 homers and a .379 OBP while platooning with righty Eric Karros, Choi collided with pitcher Kerry Wood during a game against the Yankees, was placed on the disabled list, and failed to recover after returning. Even before the injury, however, Choi had shown an inability to turn on an inside pitch, leaving a glaring hole in his swing which opponents frequently took advantage of. After finishing 2003 with a .218/8 hr/28 RBIs/.350 OBP/.421 slug., the Cubs were able to deal Choi to the Marlins along with pitcher Mike Nannini in order to acquire Derrek Lee. Lee has been a two-time All Star, two-time Gold Glove winner, and has won batting title in his time with the Cubs. Choi was traded by the Marlins to the Dodgers midway through 2004, wound up on their bench, and was released in 2006. Choi is now back in Korea.

Julio Zuleta-.247/18/74/.309/.466

During the 2000 season, as Mark Grace was playing out what would be his final Cubs season, the Cubs called up 25 year old rookie Julio Zuleta to the majors. Zuleta had signed with the Cubs as an 18 year old in 1993, and after toiling in the low minors with little success for several years, he absolutely crushed minor league pitching in stops in A, AA, and AAA in 1998(.331 avg./18 hr/106 RBI/.385 OBP/.509 Slg.), 1999 (.295/21/97/.342/.519), and 2000 (.311/26/94/.362/.579). Zuleta had three call-ups with the '00 Cubs in April, May, and September. He mashed the ball well in 30 games, hitting .294/3/12/.342/.544. "Zoo-Doo" then earned a place on the Opening Day roster for 2001 as the righty-hitting partner to lefty Matt Stairs. In 49 games with the '01 Cubs, Zuleta obliterated the high hopes held for him and posted a paltry .217/6/24/.288/.415 line. With the Cubs unexpectedly in a playoff race, Zuleta was sent down to Iowa in June, the Cubs traded for Fred Fucking McGriff, and Julio would never appear in the majors again. He is currently playing baseball in Japan where he has hit 137 homers in parts of 5 seasons.

Second Base- Much like Mark Grace at first, the long and successful career of Hall of Famer Ryne Sandberg at second until 1997 meant that the Cubs only had a few years in which to screw up the middle infield with their own prospects. Since 2003, capable veterans (Grudzielanek, Walker, DeRosa) have mostly filled the position, so the Cubs presented just two serious prospects as possible full time starters at the position between 1998-2002. Both failed.

Starter- Bobby Hill-.262/4/38/.343/.350

If the Cubs have ever spoonfed us bullshit on any prospect more than they did with Bobby Hill, I'd be amazed. The Cubs 2nd round pick in 2001 was supposedly some kind of damn Wunderkind, and thus this justified moving him up the big league club in 2002, after only 60 games in A and AA ball in 2001. Hill had a great spring training in 2002, but Don Baylor, attempting to be smart, left Hill with AAA Iowa and went with Delino DeShields at second. Unfortunately Delino DeShields turned out to be Delino DeShields and the Cubs bowed to the pressure to bring up Hill in May. Showing the effect of his premature call-up, Hill posted a .182/2/7/.294/.284 line in 30 games before being sent down in late June. Hill was, however, called up in July and in the second half posted a .314/2/13/.358/.451 line in 29 games, for an overall .253/4/20/.327/.374 line. Hill was unable to follow up his strong second half, however, and lost the starting 2nd base job in spring of '03. Hill was unimpressive at Iowa in 2003 and was traded to Pittsburgh for Aramis Ramirez. After three mediocre seasons with the Pirates, Hill was swapped to the Padres. After one year in the Padres system in 2006, Hill was out of pro baseball at 28 years old. Latest rumors have him supposedly playing for the Newark Bears of the independent Atlantic League.

Reserve- Chad Meyers- .208/0/14/.281/.259

Before Bobby Hill, there was Chad Meyers. Before the 1999 season, concerns about aging Cubs second baseman Mickey Morandini were answered with the assurance that Chad Meyers was on the way. Meyers, the natural lead off hitter who had hit .301 and .290 in 1997 and 1998 with OBPs of .402 and .404 and stolen base totals of 54 and 60 respectively, was nearly ready for the majors. During the '99 season, the fears about Morandini's decline were realized as he hit just .241/4/37/.319/.329 and Meyers was called up in August. Meyers hit just .232/0/4/.292/.296 in 43 games with the Cubs during that call-up and stole just 4 bases. During call-ups in 2000 and 2001, Meyers hit just .173 and .118 and was released as the Cubs had moved on to Bobby Hill, thus crap lead to more crap.

Shortstop- the Cubs spent most of the 1980s and 1990s failing on just one shorstop prospect- Shawon Dunston. Since Shawon's numbers appear too respectable to appear on this list, that leaves a rather short list of candidates, as the Cubs much prefer to stock the shortstop position with untalented veterans rather than untalented rookies. But hey, we all enjoyed Jeff Blauser, Alex Gonzalez, Ramon Martinez, Rey Ordonez, Neifi Perez, and Cesar Izturis, right?

SS- Jose Nieves- .242/7/39/.278/.349

I'm not going to lie: This spot was reserved for Ronny Cedeno up until this last week. As Ronny appears to be (finally) cashing in on his talent and getting a clue, I will hold off on including him on this list for now. In the scramble to find another crappy Cubs shortstop prospect, the name Jose Nieves continued to pop up. Though never a highly regarded prospect, Nieves did make his debut with the Cubs in 1998 at 23 years old. Nieves inexplicably made into 54 games for the Cubs in 1999 and 82 games in 2000. During those two seasons Nieve's posted lines of .249/2/18/.291/.343 and .212/5/24/.251/.348. He was also abysmal in the field, as he made 16 errors in just 52 games at short in 1999.

Third Base- As I've been documenting on this website (and fear not, that list will be resumed when I have finished this roster), the Cubs have had a bit of a problem with finding good third baseman the last thirty years. Of the several prospects the Cubs have tried at third, two stick out from my lifetime:

Starter- Gary Scott-.160/7/39/.250/.240

I won't go in to too much detail on the failure that was Gary Scott, as he will soon get his own article on this website, but I'll touch on just a bit here. True, Gary Scott was just before my memory so most of what I know of the Gary Scott experience is secondhand accounts from other Cub fans. To hit just a few of the key points, however: Scott was a second round pick of the Cubs in 1989. After two solid minor league seasons, Scott had made his way up to #39 on Baseball America's Top 100 Prospects list for 1991. After a hot spring training, Scott was made the Opening Day starter for the 1991 seasons. In 31 games, Scott posted a .165/1/5/.305/.241 line. Hopes that Scott would do better in 1992 were mistaken, as he hit .156/2/11/.198/.240 in 36 games and never appeared in the majors again.

Reserve- Kevin Orie- .249/11/59/.320/.389

Kevin Orie has been covered in more than enough detail on this site, so I'll just save the space here.

Outfield- The outfield is where the Cubs have produced their greatest number of flops, and the debate over who would make the four spots on this roster was quite intense. The four finalists were:

LF- Roosevelt Brown-.251/8/49/.311/.407

Roosevelt Brown was, as mentioned by Bad Kermit in his Bottom 126 entry, what one would call a AAAA player. Too good for the minors, but too bad for the majors. A once touted Braves prospect who the Cubs had acquired in the minor league draft, Brown's career seemed to be taking off with the Cubs, as he hit .312 and .338 in the Cubs system in '97 and '98. Brown Made his majore league debut with the Cubs in 1999, with a .219/1/10/.239/.391 in 33 games. Brown played more respectably in brief stints with the Cubs in 2000 and 2001, and was made the 4th outfielder for the 2002 club. Unfortunately the Third outfielder for the 2002 Cubs was Moises Alou, whose fragility gave Rosie an Opening Day start, the 1st of 111 games he would appear in that season. In those 111 games, Roosevelt hit .211/3/23/.299/.314 and was released by the Cubs in November of 2002. He has never made it back to the majors.

CF- Corey Patterson- .257/18/63/.297/.416

Corey Patterson. The utter definition of a failed prospect. The 3rd overall pick in the 1998 draft, Patterson dazzled with his combination of power and speed so much that the Cubs overlooked his glaring lack of plate discipline and basic maturity and zipped him to the majors, as he made his debut in just his second pro season. Naturally, he sucked (.167/2/2/.239/.333, 14 K's in 11 games). In 2001 he was called up again despite less than deserving minor league numbers. He sucked again (.221/4/14/.266/.336, 33 K's in 59 games). In 2002, Patterson was handed the starting job in center field. He sucked (.253/14/54/.284/.392, 142 K's in 153 games). In 2003, Patterson got off to a hot start (.298/13/55/.329/.511,77 K's in 83 games) before blowing out his ACL. In 2004 Patterson returned healthy to high expectations. He posted his "best" season, but still mostly sucked (.266/24/72/.320/.452, 168 K's in 157 games). In 2005, the strikeout prone Patterson finally wore out his welcome with Cubs fans after a .215/13/34/.254 OBP/.348 line and 118 strikeouts in 126 games. Patterson was sent down to Iowa, complained frequently, refused to play winter ball, and was finally dealt to Baltimore. He is now back in the NL Central with the Reds, hilariously hitting .224 with a .286 OBP in the leadoff spot for Dusty's team.

RF- Jason Dubois- .233/19/55/.286/.443

In 2005 the Cubs started the season without Sammy Sosa for the first time in 13 seasons, and had to replace both him and departed free agent Moises Alou in the corner outfield spots. Somehow Cub fans actually seemed pleased with the idea that Sosa's replacement would be Jeromy Burnitz and Alou had been allowed to walk in favor a platoon of lefty Todd Hollandsworth and right handed rookie Jason Dubois. Hopes were high for Dubois, as he'd hit 31 homers for Iowa in 2004 and he had homered and tripled for the Cubs on the last day of the 2004 season after getting the last second start when Sammy balked. Dubois failed to build on the expectations created from ONE F*&KING START when he hit .239/7/22/.289/.472 in 52 games in 2005 before being jettisoned to Cleveland for the Indians own failed outfield prospect, Jody Gerut. Dubois played 14 games with Cleveland after the trade and has yet to make it back to the majors. He's currently languishing in Failed Cubs Hell (Baltimore's farm system).

David Kelton-.136/0/9/.136/.227

Dave Kelton makes this team as a 4th OF and utility infielder, as he managed to fail at third base and in the outfield. Kelton, drafted one round after Patterson in 1998, had a sweet swing that was supposed to guarantee him success in the majors. The hype was obviously overstated for a player that hit just .300 once in a 9 season professional career, and who had such glaring defensive problems at third that he needed to be moved to the outfield. Kelton made just two trips up to the majors with the Cubs, hitting .167/0/1/.167/.250 in 10 games in 2003 and .100/0/0/.100/.200 in games in 2004. Kelton was granted free agency by the Cubs after 2005, signed with the Braves, played in 48 games for AAA Richmond, and was released in June of 2006.

So there you have the position players on this tragedy of a roster. How would you make out the lineups? Mine would be-

CF Patterson
2B Hill
1B Choi
RF Dubois
LF Brown
3B Scott
C Berryhill
SS Nieves.

I call it Murdered Row. As in, if all 8 of them were to wind up dead, well, I'd not say a word.

Tomorrow: the pitching staff.

Your SKO Random Third Baseman of the Day: Bill Madlock

Name: Bill Madlock Jr.
Ht: 5'1'' Wt: 185
Bats: Right Throws: Right
Years as a Cub: 1974-1976

Oh I see, you're all too racist to call it the "Bill Madlock Curse"

Bill Madlock is the best third baseman who will appear on this list. Period. Not that its all that much of an accomplishment, as his biggest competition over 29 years was an over-the-hill Ron Cey, but it needs to be stated. Madlock is also, chronologically, the first player on this list, as he was the immediate replacement for Ron Santo starting with the 1974 season. Madlock was acquired in a trade during the 1973 offseason along with second baseman Vic Harris for pitcher Fergie Jenkins. Jenkins and the Cubs were both coming off disappointing seasons in '73, and the Cubs figured that the Canadian hurler was on the decline. Of course Jenkins went on to win 25 games for the Rangers in 1975 and would win a total of 115 in 7 seasons with the Rangers and Red Sox before returning to the Cubs for the 1982 and 1983 sesons before retiring, and of course Vic Harris would hit just .195 and .179 in his two seasons with the Cubs, proving that in any given situation you can count on the Cubs being wrong on at least 2 of 3 counts. In a surprising move, however, the Cubs were right on the third count, and Bill Madlock turned out to be a pretty damn good ballplayer.

In 1974 with the Cubs, the rookie Madlock had a .313 avg/9 hr/54 RBI/.374 OBP/.442 Slug. line as well as 11 stolen bases, and finished third in Rookie of the Year voting. Madlock followed up his stellar rookie campaign by winning back to back batting titles in 1975 (.354) and 1976 (.339), which also resulted in an All Star trip for Madlock in 1975. While Madlock's defense at third was average at best, his offense more than compensated to make him a top tier player. Thus, the Cubs had to get rid of him. Before the 1977 season Madlock was traded to the San Fransisco Giants for outfielder Bobby Murcer and third baseman Steve Ontiveros, who was a poor man's version of Madlock. A very poor man.

Madlock played for 11 more seasons with the Giants, Pirates, Dodgers, and Tigers, won two more batting titles 1981 and 1983, and won a World Series with the Pirates in 1979. Madlock's four batting titles are the highest total for any third baseman behind only Wade Bogg's five.

Now you may be asking yourself, why wasn't the "Curse of Ron Santo" the curse of Bill Madlock? Well, those looking for an excuse would probably throw out race, or one could point to Madlock playing only three years in a Cub uniform, or the fact that Santo has remained a noticeable face in the Cubs franchise, and is naturally identified with third base for most Cubs fans. Another culprit would be the forgettable nature of the mid and late '70s Cubs teams. After six straight winning seasons under Manager Leo Durocher from 1967-1972, the team's longest streak of winning seasons since the 1930s, the Cubs, built around aging stars Ernie Banks, Billy Williams, Santo, and Jenkins, began to decline, and by 1974 had gotten rid of Durocher and all four of those players. The result suffered ten straight losing seasons from 1974-1983. This decade of futility is sometimes regarded as the nadir of Cubs history, and attendance went into a tailspin. As a result, very few people witnessed Madlock's time in a Cub uniform, leaving him the "forgotten" third baseman, and thus the common "since Santo" complaint.

Bill Madlock: The Forgotten Man.

Defining Dustyfication

Yesterday on Hire Jim Essian, the subject of Dustyfication was broached. Now, while Dustyfication is, in principle, a known concept to all Cubs and Giants fans, a firm definition has never been compiled. While I do not, in fact, pretend to be an authority capable of creating a concrete defintion, I should like to try.

Therefore, here is my best effort:

Dustyfication (n.)- the process of eroding a team's talent through a combination of the infusion of inferior veteran talent and inept in-game management, resulting in an aging team incapable of fundamentally sound play and a hopeless situation.

Signs that your team may be being Dustyfied:

- Do you have a surplus of 2nd baseman? Are any of them good?
If the answer to the first question is yes, and the answer to the second question is no, you may very well be Dustyfied.

-Are capable, young players left rotting on the bench/in the minors while veteran players who have never started consistently in their major league career are placed in your every day lineup? Typically in the leadoff spot?
Dustyfication, my friend.

- Are talented, power armed pitchers with very little major league experience who are unused to bearing large loads of innings left out to throw 120 pitches nearly every start, resulting in arm trouble for nearly every one of them, barring those with superhuman Venezualan genetic material?
Dustyfied.

- Has your team taken a lackadaisical attitude toward defense, baserunning, and winning in general resulting in high numbers of errors and men picked off base while win totals decline?
Dust-y-fi-cat-ion.

-Is every question your manager is asked about his team's poor play/one player's struggles to show anything resembling plate discipline/a young player rotting on the bench answered with an anecdote about playing with Hank Aaron and nonsensical ramblings about "clogging bases" and overuse of the word "dude"?
You bet your ass you've been Dustyfied.

- Is your manager this guy?

At this point, Dustyfication is inevitable.

Now, what prompted this article was the following tiny little candy nougat found on the Reds website: Jerry Hairston Jr. has been called up the Reds. Now that means that Baker has managed to allow four former Cubs from his tenure on the North Side to become members of the Reds active roster: Corey Patterson, Kent Mercker, Paul Bako, and now Jerry Hairston Jr. Now, the article claims the Reds called up Hairston for, and I quote, "pop". Now, no one has ever confirmed the cut off for "pop" in the majors, but I'd have to believe a guy with a career slugging percentage of .357 (and had a .289 % last year) does not qualify. I'm sure the "pop" label is the work of Dusty himself, who also frequently talked about Neifi Perez's "pop". You know who has "pop", Dusty? Jay Bruce, your top prospect with the .561 slugging percentage in AAA. The one you sent to the minors in favor of Korey Patterson, the guy with the .270 OBP that you've put in the leadoff spot 15 times.

Now, we were the victims of Dustyfication from 2003-2006. Last year, Lou Piniella spent April, May, and June de-Dustyfying the roster, and the result has been a 77-54 record since last June, including this year's 14-6 start. Dusty's Reds currently sit at 8-12 and are losing to the Dodgers as I write this article.

There you have it Dustyfication, it hurts, but God is it funny to see it inflicted on some other poor sonsabitch's baseball team.

Your SKO Random Third Baseman of the Day: Todd Zeile

Name: Todd Edward Zeile
Ht: 6'1'' Wt: 190 LB
Bats: Right Throws: Right
Years as a Cub: 1995

Todd Zeile watches one of his pop-outs to third.

Todd Zeile is part of a very esteemed list of former players who played effectively for the St. Louis Cardinals, and then played as utter disgraces for the Cubs. This list includes such players as Dave Veres, Ernie Broglio, John Mabry, Alan Benes, and many other I care not to name. Zeile was acquired by the Cubs for Mike Morgan on June 16, 1995. At the time the Cubs were 25-21, 4 games out in both the Central and the Wild Card, and their group of third baseman included an aging and worthless Howard Johnson, and aging and even more worthless Steve Buechele, and a young and mostly worthless Jose Hernandez.

Zeile proved an utter disaster for the Cubs in the second half of 1995, as he hit just .227 avg./9 hrs/ 30 RBIs/.271 OBP/.371 Slugging in 79 games. He also fielded the ball like his glove was made of iron and threw with Cade McNownish accuracy. The result was 11 errors in just 75 games played at third, for a .939 fielding percentage.

Now, normally you'd just dismiss Zeile as a trade gone bad. I, however, suspect sabotage. At the time of his trade, Zeile had a .291 avg./5 hrs/22 RBIs/.378 OBP/.457 slugging line with the Cardinals. Just two years before he had 103 RBIs for St. Louis. In 1996 Todd hit 25 homers for the Phillies and Dodgers. Clearly, Todd deemed it his goal to take down the playoff hopes of the 1995 Cubs. Mission accomplished, Todd. Mission accomplished.

Todd retired in 2004 as the all-time home run leader. For people with a last name beginning with Z. Musta been hard with such esteemed competition as Julio Zuleta, eh Todd?

Todd has now started his own film production company, and starred in the movie Dirty Deeds. I didn't watch it. Neither should you.

Comments! Both allowed and welcome!

Thanks to a tip from one of the fine scholars at Hire Jim Essian!, I added Haloscan to the site, which now means that those of you who do not have a blogger account can leave comments. Not to sound like a shameless, attention craving whore, but please do. This ego doesn't fuel itself people. Well, it does. But it likes outside help too.

Your SKO Random Third Baseman of the Day: Mark Bellhorn

Name: Mark Christian Bellhorn
Ht: 6'1'' Wt: 195
Bats: Switch Throws: Right
Years as a Cub: 2001-2002

Ron Belliard and Mark Bellhorn. 'Nuff said.

Mark Bellhorn is one of the more intriguing players to appear on this list. Bellhorn started his career with the Oakland A's in 1997, and bounced back and forth between Oakland and AAA until the 2001 season. Before 2002, Bellhorn was swapped to the Cubs for the immortal Adam Morrissey. Bellhorn was an afterthought to most around the Cubs going into the season, as many expected the switch-hitting utility man to spend the season filling out the Iowa Cubs roster. Bellhorn made the team, however, and ended up being one of the few bright spots of a dreary 2002 season.

The Cubs lineup on opening day featured the aging DeLino DeShields and Fred McGriff, and the completely useless Chris Stynes, who was filling in for the completely porcelain Bill Mueller. A few starts for the versatile Bellhorn, who could play all four infield positions, seemed inevitable.

Bellhorn did indeed became a regular for the 2002 Cubs, as he started at all four infield spots and made one appearance in left field. In all, Bellhorn appeared in 146 games for the Cubs, with 109 starts, 29 of which came at third base. Bellhorn also was on-base machine, as his .374 OBP ranked second on the team behind Sosa. Cubs interim manager Bruce Kimm, in a move that would have baffled his successor, Dusty Baker, batted Bellhorn in the leadoff spot for 59 games despite Bellhorn's mediocre speed. A novel concept, this idea that your lead-off hitter should be a guy that gets on-base consistently, regardless of speed. Bellhorn also showed an almost Adam Dunn like ability to accomplish the three true outcomes, as he hit 27 homers, walked 76 times (second behind Sosa), and yet also struck out 144 times (also second behind Sosa). Bellhorn holds the Cub record for home runs in a season by a switch hitter, and set a major league record by becoming the first switch-hitter to homer from both sides of the plate in the same inning. Bellhorn's line for 2002 was:

146 games, .258 avg./27 hrs/56 RBIs/.374 OBP/.512 slug.

Bellhorn also scored 86 runs and was, as most of his stats show, the team's most valuable position player behind Sosa.

Going into the 2003 season, Bellhorn was handed the starting third base job for the Cubs, and Dusty Baker showed his always firm grasp on the importance of OBP by batting Mark Grudzielanek (.301 OBP in 2002) and Alex Gonzalez (.315 OBP) 1-2 on opening day and moving Bellhorn into the 6 hole behind the force of Hee Seop Choi. Over the next few months, however, Bellhorn struggled, and while he still got on base at a respectable .341 clip, he showed no sign of the power he once had, as he posted a .209 average with just 2 hrs and 22 RBIs and a meager .317 slugging percentage through the Cubs first 51 games, ultimately resulting in his being dropped from the lineup (bad), the hideous sight of Lenny Harris at third base (worse), the re-acquisition of Jose Hernandez (ugly), and the trade for Aramis Ramirez (good). Bellhorn was shipped to the Rockies for the aforementioned Hernandez on June 20th, and his Cub career ended.

Bellhorn was traded by the Rockies to the Red Sox before the 2004 season, where he made the team as utility infielder. After injuries to Pokey Reese and Nomar Garciaparra, Bellhorn became a starter for the Red Sox, and posted career highs in several categories on his way to winning a World Series ring. Bellhorn became a fan favorite with Red Sox fans, and those clever bastards had brilliant t-shirts saying "Don't Blame Me, I Voted for Bellhorn" and "Who Died and Made You Mark Bellhorn". The next year Bellhorn hit .210, his fan club evaporated, and he was released. The moral of the story: F&%k the Red Sox.

Bellhorn then bounced around the majors, spending the end of 2005 with the Yankees, 2006 with the Padres, and 2007 with the Reds. He is currently a free agent, and also is a youth pastor.

Mark Bellhorn: Walk, K, Homer, or Preach.

Cubs-Reds, April 16, 2008

Reds @ Cubs. 7:05 PM. Comcast SportsNet Chicago
Starting Pitchers: Chicago- Carlos Zambrano (1-1, 3.20 ERA) Cincinnati- Josh Fogg (1-1, 7.00 ERA)

Lineups:

Cincinnati-

CF Corey Patterson
SS Jeff Keppinger
RF Ken Griffey, Jr.
2B Brandon Phillips
LF Adam Dunn
3B Edwin Encarnacion
1B Joey Votto
C Javier Valentin
P Josh Fogg

Chicago-

2B Mike Fontenot
SS Ryan Theriot
1B Derrek Lee
3B Aramis Ramirez
RF Kosuke Fukudome
LF Mark DeRosa
C Geovany Soto
CF Reed Johnson (explain why here's here and not Theriot)
P Carlos Zambrano

Soriano DL'd, Patterson Recalled, Murton on Suicide Watch.

Chicago- The Cubs placed left fielder Alfonso Soriano on the DL with a calf injury today, and in a somewhat surprising move, recalled Eric Patterson from AAA Iowa over proven major leaguer Matt Murton. Patterson is rejoiced at the opportunity to play against his brother in the current series against the Reds. The Patterson parents were also invited so the family can be booed as one. Matt Murton, the natural choice to replace Soriano on the roster, was stunned by the move, and has been moved to a safehouse that has been childproofed and removed of all sharp objects.

Your Random Third Baseman of the Day: Wade Rowdon

Name: Wade Lee Rowdon
Ht: 6'2'' Wt: 180
Bats: Right Throws: Right
Years as a Cub: 1987

That unforgettable Wade Rowdon Swing.

Do you remember the Wade Rowdwon era? You don't? I don't see how you could forget his epic 11 game, 31 at-bat tenure with the Cubs on that 1987 team that made all Cub fans dare to dream...of a 76-85 finish. Teams that only play 161 games amuse me. That means that at some point in the season, you had a game that was postponed. Not only were you so far out that the game had no playoff implications for you, but you were apparently also playing a team that had no postseason implications. Meaning your team was bad enough to have as minimal an effect on the postseason picture as possible. Now who had the most minimal effect on that team? Wade Rowdon.

Wade Rowdon represents the bulk of the 83 guys (I finally counted them) who started at third for the Cubs between Santo and Ramirez. They were neither big ticket free agents who bombed, or star rookies who failed. They were just untalented, mediocre, cheap baseball players who the Cubs propped up there due to a lack of will to win. Some of them were cheap rookies, some of them were aging veteran castoffs, and many, like Wade, were no name players acquired in non-impact trades that no one will ever really note again. Wade Rowdon for Guy Hoffman wasn't exactly a block buster. It had less than marginal effects on either team, and it was quickly forgotten.

But enough of my waxing philosophical on the nature of the third base conundrum, back to the actual man himself. During his 11 game stint with the Cubs in September of '87, Rowdon started 7 games at third, Rowdon hit just .226/1 hr/4 RBI/.294 OBP/.419 slugging in that stint, but what was really notable was his defense. Or lack thereof. Rowdon contributed to the black hole of defense that was the Cubs hot corner that season. Primary starter Keith Moreland made 28 errors in 149 games started and posted a .934 fielding percentage. Backup Manny Trillo made 2 errors in just 5 games started and posted an even worse .926 fielding percentage. But Rowdon topped them all with 4 errors in just 7 games started with an .818 fielding percentage. Combined thats a .929 fielding percentage and 34 errors. All three also posted range factors that were below league average. Rookie groundball pitcher Greg Maddux went 6-14 with a 5.61 ERA that year. I'm willing to be every time a batter pulled one his pitches toward the third baseline Maddux swore and went to block the ball from getting into the dugout.

After the 1987 season the Cubs traded Rowdon to the Baltimore Orioles, who went 54-107 the next year after starting the season 0-21. Rowdon appeared in 9 of those 21 losses. Coincidence? I think not. He was sent down after April and spent most of the season in the minors before being released at the end of the year.

I couldn't find what Rowdon is doing now, though I've heard he's a minister. He apparently hosted a Christian baseball camp in Moldova though.

Wade Rowdon: So bad we sent him to Moldova.

Your SKO Random 3rd Baseman of the Day: Ron Coomer

Name: Ronald Brian Coomer
Ht: 5'11'' Wt: 195 (No one's buying that, Ron)
Bats: Right Throws: Right
Years as a Cub: 2001

The Strength.. The Skill.. The Coomer

During the 2000 season, as mentioned during the Bill Mueller article, the different third basemen the Cubs were forced to use combined to hit .224 with a .302 OBP and a tepid .712 OPS. The Cubs President and temporary General Manager, the brilliant Andy MacPhail (a favorite around these parts) "rectified" the situation by trading for Mueller and signing free agent Coomer from his former organization, the Twins. Coomer was expected to be the team's top bat off of the bench, Mueller's back up, and the right handed back up to left handed (and similarly burly) first baseman Matt Stairs, the Cubs prized free agent offensive pickup (who had posted a .221, .333, .411 line with Oakland the year before. Are you starting to figure out why this team so rarely works?) . Coomer had been a starter for the Twins from 1996-2000, and had posted decent power numbers as he averaged 13 hrs and 69 RBIs per year in his time in Minnesota. Coomer was not much of a patient hitter, however, and posted OBPs between .295 and .324 in his four full seasons as a starter, and never walked more than 36 times. The Twins made the decision to move in a different direction, and let the 34 year old sign with the Cubs.

During the first month of the 2001 season, Coomer remained on the bench where he belonged, and hit .267 with a .250 OBP in just 6 April games. Coomer was thrust into the starting job, however, after Mueller injured his knee in May, and would start end up starting over 70 games in Mueller's absence. For most of those starts, Coomer and Stairs paired together for perhaps the least athletic corner infield of all time. Coomer as a third baseman was one of those guys that always had his supporters, and they were always old guys who apparently were enamored of the fact that if he could make it as a major leaguer, so could they. They are the guys who'd throw out the same damn fact every time you'd deride him for his 7 errors and .954 fielding percentage, or the fact that his 1.89 range factor that year put him well below the league 2.17 average at third, or the fact that he could hardly ever get on base, as he posted a mediocre .316 OBP for the season.

The typical defense for Coomer was that he was "just supposed to be a backup" and "he has some pop". I've never understood the "he was just supposed to be a backup, therefore you can not boo him for sucking as a starter" argument. Bad players are bad players. Ron Coomer probably would have told you before 2001 he could start. He alone is responsible for not taking pitches, drawing walks, or having a slugging percentage above .400, therefore he deserves to be booed. As for Coomer having "some pop", that may have been true as a Twin, but it was long gone with the Cubs. Coomer's .261/8 hr/53 RBI/.316 OBP/.390 Slugging line for 2001 reaks of a lack of "pop". The only "pop" one could identify with Ron Coomer that season was this:

RC Cola- goes great with NASCAR.

The worst part about Coomer's offense is that the 2001 Cubs craved a second power hitting option behind Sammy Sosa. McGriff was busy wondering whether he wanted to leave the storied Devil Rays franchise for the upstart Cubs, Stairs was posting his lowest home run total since his rookie year, and Ricky Gutierrez was second on the team in RBIs. This dearth of power resulted in Coomer starting over 24 games each in the cleanup spot and the five spot. That mean's the guy protecting Sammy Sosa, he of the .328/64 HR/160 RBI/.437 OBP/.737 slugging was protected by a guy who failed to top double digits in home runs. Now, having a guy with less than 10 homers protect Sosa works alright when that guy is Mark Grace with his career line of .303/.383 OBP/.442 slugging. Despite what I can only imagine were similar tastes in beer, cigarettes, and women named Beth, Ron Coomer was no Mark Grace. Sosa ended 2001 with 116 walks, and 37 intentional walks. How many of those walks do you think came because the pitcher facing Sammy looked at the on deck circle and went "Holy shit, is that Ron Coomer? Nice." BALL FOUR!

After the 2001 season, the New York Yankees lured Coomer away from the Cubs. I'm not sure how you "lure" someone away by giving them a minor league contract, but I can imagine that some of the incentives in the contract included this package:





Coomer played in 55 games for the Yankees in 2002 and 69 games for the Dodgers in 2003 (posting OBPs of .290 and .299, respectively) before retiring, and is now a baseball analyst for FSN North, which carries most Twin games. And you thought it was bad that we had to deal with Dan Plesac.

Cubs-Phillies April 11, 2008

Cubs (6-3) @ Phillies (4-6)
6:05 PM CT. Comcast SportsNet Chicago

Pitchers: Cubs- Zambrano (1-0, 1.32 ERA). Phillies- Brett Myers (0-1, 6.31 ERA)

Lineups:
Cubs- LF Alfonso Soriano
CF Kosuke Fukudome (Finally! 2 hole!)
1B Derrek Lee
3B Aramis Ramirez
RF Daryle Ward (this is gonna be good)
C Geovany Soto
2B Mark Derosa
SS Ryan Theriot
P Carlos Zambrano

Phillies- CF Shane Victorino
3B Greg Dobbs
2B Chase Utley
1B Ryan Howard
LF Pat Burrell
RF Geoff Jenkins
C Carlos Ruiz
SS Eric Bruntlett
P Brett Myers

The Bear's Toughest Draft Day Decision

Draft pick of the day: ?

For as long as I can remember the Bears have used 1 draft pick, between their 2nd and 6th pick, to select a player who was spectacular in college in one way or another who for some reason fell down the draft board. Past recipients of this award have been (along with the reasons they slipped and my reaction when the Bears selected them):


2007: Garrett Wolfe, 3rd round, 93rd pick overall (Too small)
"What, the midget up the road?"
2006: Devin Hester, 2nd round, 57th overall (Didn't know what position he'd play)
"Fuckin Sweet."
2005: Kyle Orton, 4th round, 106th overall (Injury concern, bad senior year)
"NOOOOOOO!!!" (obviously I have grown to love Kyle)
2004: Craig Krenzel, 6th round, 148th overall (Bad quarterback)
"What the fuck is wrong with us?"
2003: Brock Forsey, 6th round, 206th overall (White)
"But he's white! Doesn't he know white guys can't play running back?"

So the biggest question for the Bears in this year's draft (besides why, oh God why, we wouldn't draft Rashard Mendenhall) is which successful college athlete who will slip down the draft board we will pick. Here are the best potential candidates:

QB, Brian Brohm:Louisville
QB, Chad Henne: Michigan
QB, Andre Woodson: Kentucky
RB, Ray Rice: Rutgers
RB, Jamaal Charles: Texas


My money's on Brohm in the second or Woodson in the fourth, but normally this pick surprises the hell out of me.

Your SKO Random Third Baseman of the Day: Steve Buechele

Name: Steven Bernard Buechele
Ht: 6'2'' Wt: 190
Bats: Right Throws: Right
Years as a Cub: 1992-1995

Steve Buechele, left, changes the life of Mark Grace, right, forever by excitedly discussing the fat chick he nailed the night before.

The early 90s Cubs, sadly, are the first Cubs teams that I am able to remember. That means that the first Cubs third baseman that I remember is that man pictured above. Do you ever wonder how I manged to actually form a lifelong dedication to the Cubs? Me too.

Steve Buechele was acquired from Pittsburgh by the Cubs during the 1992 stretch run, though I don't know if a team thats 40-46 and 7 1/2 games back actually Has a stretch run. The Cubs needed a veteran at third base, as Luis Salazar was rotting away and Gary Scott was..Gary Scott. Buechele was hitting .249 with a .331 OBP for the Pirates after having spent most of his career as a Texas Ranger. In 65 games with the Cubs that year, Buechele hit .276 with an underwhelming .338 OBP, and a less impressive .351 slugging percentage.

Look, I can understand the Cubs acquiring Buechele. He was an improvement over Salazar and they thought for whatever reason they needed him. Whatever. Then they made him the starter, and he had a decent season, hitting .272, 15 hrs, 65 RBIs, .345 OBP, .436 slugging. So they understandably brought him back for 1994. Then he hit just .242, with a sub-par .325 OBP, with 14 hrs, 52 RBIs, and given that his 1993 numbers were far better than his career averages and he was 33, naturally they'd assume he was done and let him go, right? Right? Wrong. Buechele was back for 1995, and rewarded the Cubs absurd faith in him being able to "rebound" with a .189, 1 hr, 9 RBI, .265 OBP, .236 slugging line in 32 games with the Cubs before being traded back to his original team, Texas and then retiring.Do you know how you get a slugging percentage that much lower than your OBP? You hit 3 extra base hits in 32 games. 3. Why did this guy have to be my first Cubs third baseman? Sonofabitch. My dad remembers Santo. My older cousins remember Cey. I got Steve f*&king Buechele.