Orton Practices, Listed as Doubtful for Sunday's Game

This is a day late, but according to this article from Yahoo! Sports, Orton practiced yesterday but is listed as doubtful for the Titans game. Regardless of whether he plays or not, the boost it had to give to his team to see a guy whose season seemed completely Over on Sunday dropping back and taking snaps must have been huge. We here at Start Kyle Orton once more applaud the Wolverine-like healing factor of our demi-God quarterback.

All Hail Ortonia!

Kyle Hoping to Defy ESPN, Play Sunday

The latest news from both the Chicago Tribune and ChicagoBears.com is that Orton wants to play against Tennessee this Sunday. While this is a good sign, even those of us here at SKO think he might want to take the game off and come back against Green Bay. Let Rex take his mauling at the hands of Tennessee's defense...better this..


Than this..


Who knows? Rex could win the thing and get himself a contract somewhere else for next year.

Prognostication Bukakke Round 2 Results

After the Steelers win last night the results for week two are as follows:

Father: 10-4
Code Red:9-5
Girlfriend:9-5
Iggins!:8-6

Overall:
Father: 19-9
Iggins!: 18-10
Code Red: 17-11
Girlfriend: 17-11

Clinging to Optimism

This article by the Sun Times declares that their source tells them Kyle does Not have a high ankle sprain and will miss less time than the month that ESPN's Michael Smith reported and the 3-4 weeks (because ESPN said month, we have to say weeks) that NFL Network reports. So basically, do you trust the Sun Times or ESPN? As I'm an American, I'll trust whoever tells me what I want to hear.

No Mere Ankle Injury Can Slow a Demi God.

College Football Roundup and Code Red Rankings 11/03/08

AP Top 25 Results:

Cincinnati 24, #24 South Florida 10
Once more this just proves my theory that South Florida should never be ranked. Period.

California 26, #23 Oregon 16
Oregon continues the downfall that began the day Iggins! declared Dennis Dixon his Heisman candidate and subsequently doomed his knee and the program.

#22 Michigan State 25, Wisconsin 24
Wisconsin makes me feel somewhat better by playing a second consecutive tough game? Ehh. Bret Bielema's kind of a moron for calling a timeout to allow the Spartans to set up the game winning field goal.

Northwestern 24, #20 Minnesota 17
I don't know what on earth could have possessed Minnesota QB Adam Webster to heave a desperation pass into triple coverage that was intercepted and returned for the winning touchdown. It was a tie game! Go to overtime you idiot!

Arkansas 30, Tulsa 23
Iggins! favorite coach Bobby Petrino ends Tulsa's undefeated season.

#17 BYU 45, Colorado State 42
BYU- the Mountain West's Texas Tech.

Georgia Tech 31, #16 Florida State 28
Good. There was no reason FSU should have been ranked anyways. I continue my lovefest for Georgia Tech (now 7-2) and Paul Johnson's triple wing offense.

#15 LSU 35, Tulane 10
Yeah, whatever LSU, no one's impressed with your defeat of a Matt Forte-less Tulane.

#14 Missouri 31, Baylor 28
Baylor comes short of the upset, which is disappointing as I want Missouri to burn to the ground as an Illini fan.

#12 TCU 44, UNLV 14
The Horned Frogs continue their dominance of the Mountain West.

#11 Boise State 49, New Mexico State 0
Well that's just swell.

#10 Utah 13, New Mexico 10
Utah is #10? Seriously?

#9 Oklahoma State 59, Iowa State 17
I'm putting the over/under of combined points in this weeks Texas Tech-Oklahoma State game at 90.

#5 Florida 49, #8 Georgia 10
How's that national champion Bulldogs prediction look now, Sports Illustrated? I still think Florida can win the SEC.

#7 USC 56, Washington 0
So the Huskies didn't exactly come out firing for now lame duck coach Ty Willingham.

#4 Oklahoma 62, Nebraska 28
These Nebraska blowout losses were more fun when Bill Callahan was the head coach.

#6 Texas Tech 39, Texas 33
Yar!

Code Red's Top 25
1. Texas Tech
2. Florida
3. Alabama
4. Penn State
5. Texas
6. USC
7. Oklahoma
8. Oklahoma State
9. Ohio State
10. Missouri
11. Boise State
12. Utah
13. TCU
14. LSU
15. Georgia
16. Michigan State
17. BYU
18. Georgia Tech
19. Ball State
20.West Virginia
21. North Carolina
22. Maryland
23. Northwestern
24.Tulsa
25. Kansas

SKO Rankings-
1. Illinois
2. Iowa

Browns to Start Brady Quinn

We switch our focus from my obsessing over Kyle's health to the foolish Browns fans who think that this will save their season. At least I can finally shut down this website*.

Brady Quinn works on his mechanics chest deep in water....naked.


(*I swear to God if any of you thinks this is anything but my joke I will hunt you down and gut you like a fish)

Lest We Let Kyle's Injury Suck All the Mirth Out of the Weekend..

This is the look of boredom that is perpetually fixed to Kirk Ferentz. It says it all really.

"Why did my offense flounder so dramatically in crucial spots on Saturday's game?"
Well Kirk, this can be explained in several ways. First, your team meast, Shonn Greene, was his godlike self for one quarter and played the other three like he was channeling his inner Cedric Benson. Also, your quarterback is still looking for his ass, which is buried under 12 feet of Memorial Stadium turf after your vaunted Ferentz o-line gave up 6 sacks. It doesn't help that your offensive coordinator called the game like he'd bet money on the Illini.

"How did I lose to Ron Zook?"
Well, actually Kirk, Ron did everything that entails a Zook loss. Did we blow a lead by calling soft defensive coverages despite only having a two possession lead with quite a bit of time remaining? You bet your ass we did. Did we call the option repeatedly with little to no results? 12 times for 30 yards you crazy SOB! Did we commit a soul crushing personal foul to allow the tying/winning score? How's unnecessary roughness treat ya? Quite simply, you lost because Juice stirred up enough badassity to drive downfield to win the game.

Am I, and are most of my fans, trash talking morons?
Hell yes. 27-24. Also, the aforementioned trash talking moron dared rationalize that "Iowa played better, Red Zone offense and ints killed us." Other than the fact that Illinois outscored you, outgained you, had the same number of turnovers, gained more yards per play, gave up 6 fewer sacks and performed better on third down, you totally outplayed us.

Hope?

To Be Seen Again in 2008??

Comcast Sportsnet Chicago's William Jackson reports Kyle's ankle is not broken, that he was in high spirits, left under his own power, and that his injury does not appear to be season ending. Please God let him be back to beat Tennessee.

On a different note: to hell with any Bears fan who booed Rex Grossman on his first drive this game. What the hell? It's not like the Bears benched Kyle and threw Rex in for the hell of it. He was our only option and you booed him?? There's no reason NOT to give the kid all the support you can and hope he can pull a win out, which he did. Granted, the numbers were not close to spectacular, but the interception was hardly his fault and he played about as well as a guy who's been playing scout team quarterback for the last 8 weeks would play. Rex is Not Cade McNown. He is a guy who went out there, gave his best effort every game he played and just didn't work out. He stood up to the media when they relentlessly harassed even his good games. He never lashed out at coaches, teammates, press members, or fans, or made excuses. He worked his way back from injury after injury and was nothing but classy about his demotion in favor of Brian Griese or Kyle. Nobody wanted Rex to have to play today, but it was a classless display to boo the backup for just trying to do his job when the starter went down. We at SKO give Rex a big thumbs up for not shitting his pants and participating in a great comeback win.

Celebrate Rex, we'll remember this one.

Update: ESPN and Chicago Tribune both reporting Kyle out up to a month with a high ankle sprain. This is all pending an MRI tomorrow. Cross your fingers and hope its not that bad.

Second Update: NBC reports that Kyle drove himself home and told a friend he hopes to play next Sunday. God only knows what the hells going on.

Please Man...

Do you speak to I?

Please just let Kyle be OK? Please?!

2008: REDEMPTION!

Cue the Battle Hymn of the Republic:

GLORY GLORY HALLELUJAH!

GLORY GLORY HALLELUUUJAH!

GLORY GLORY HALLLELUUUUUUJAH

ILLINOIS MARCHES ON!!!!!!

Also: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! VIVA LA TEXAS TECH! VIVA MIKE LEACH! VIVA LA AIR RAID !

Prognostication Bukakke! Round Two!

Predictions for week Two:

Jets @ Bills:
Code Red: Bills
Iggins!: Bills
Girlfriend: Jets
Father: Jets

Jaguars @ Bengals:
Code Red: Jaguars
Iggins!: Jaguars
Girlfriend: Bengals (Tigers are badass).
Father: Jaguars

Ravens@Browns:
Code Red: Ravens
Iggins!: Browns
Girlfriend: Browns
Father: Ravens

Texans@ Vikings:
Code Red: Texans
Iggins!: Texans
Girlfriend: Vikings (I will never choose the Texans. That name is stupid).
Father: Texans

Buccaneers @ Chiefs:
Code Red: Bucs
Iggins!: Bucs
Girlfriend: Buccaneers (the Tampa Bay Rays were way better than the Royals)
Father: Bucs

Cardinals @ Rams:
Code Red: Rams
Iggins!: Rams
Girlfriend: Rams
Father: Rams

Packers @ Titans:
Code Red: Titans
Iggins!: Titans
Girlfriend: Packers
Father: Titans

Dolphins @ Broncos:
Code Red: Broncos
Iggins!: Dolphins
Girlfriend: Broncos (though Dolphins are smarter than horses)
Father: Dolphins

Cowboys @ Giants:
Code Red: Giants
Iggins!: Giants
Girlfriend: Giants
Father: Cowboys

Eagles @ Seahawks:
Code Red: Eagles
Iggins!: Eagles
Girlfriend: Eagles
Father: Eagles

Falcons@ Raiders:
Code Red: Falcons
Iggins!: Falcons
Girlfriend: Falcons
Father: Falcons

Patriots @ Colts:
Code Red: Colts
Iggins!: Colts
Girlfriend: Patriots
Father : Colts

Steelers @ Redskins:
Code Red: Steelers
Iggins!: Redskins
Girlfriend: Steelers
Father: Steelers

Lions @ BEARS:
Code Red: BEARS
Iggins!: BEARS
Girlfriend: BEARS
Father: BEARS

That is the look perpetually fixed to Ron Zook's face. It says it all really.

"Why do I suck even though I have more talent on my team than the Detroit Lions?"

Let me explain, Ron. When you're a COACH you have to COACH, not just recruit. This means making good decisions during actual live football games. This means drawing up a playbook that makes more sense than 4th grader Timmy's trigonometry test. This means not accepting penalties on 3rd down plays when the other team would have had a 4th down had you declined (like he did last year against Iowa. Iowa converted their second 3rd down attempt).

"Why am I 0-4 against Kirk Ferentz?"

Because Kirk Ferentz is the exact opposite of your dumbassedry, Zook. Kirk grinds his 3 star players until they become Shonn Greene, Pat Angerer, and Rick Stanzi. Zook lets his 5 star players rot and never teaches them anything. Their talent essentially drops to that of a 3 star because they aren't being utilized properly! You want to know the reason Phil Jackson is the best NBA coach ever? It's because he can take any number of talented guys and make them mesh. Ron Zook couldn't make white and rice mesh. Juice is standing out there all alone, trying to turn Zook's shitty plays into good ones through his sheer will. Kudos to Juice for maturing into a badass, by the way. He'll be a good NFL player. But he's fucked.

He's fucked because Kirk Ferentz actually gameplans against Zook, and not the Illini. He knows what that dumbass is going to do and he counters it. It's like appealing to the jury when you're a defense attorney instead of proving your client innocent. It may not be the most straightforward way to beat somebody, but it's more than enough for Zook.

"Why is Shonn Greene lighting me up for over 200yds rushing?"

Because you have no defense, Ron. And because Shonn Greene just doesn't go down. He really does look like an NFL running back playing against college kids. There is zero give up in Shonn. And that's what Kirk Ferentz teaches. Fuck you, Ron Zook. Bask in the glory that is good coaching.

-Also, in closing, I accept the idea that Kirk Ferentz is Hitler. Because Zook sure as hell isn't Churchill. Zook is a fucking Communist. I'll take the extreme conservative over the extreme liberal any day. Prepare for the blitzkrieg you junksluts.

In Contrast To Whom, Brian?

This recent comment from Bears superstar linebacker Brian Urlacher :
“The thing I like about Kyle, he’s not stupid. He’ll take a sack. A sack’s not going to kill you. You’re not turning the ball over. You’re not throwing the ball up there, letting someone else go get it. He’ll take a sack, and we’ll punt the ball and see if we can play some good defense.”

One wonders why Brian felt the need to point that out, I mean that's common sense for quarterbacks right...




NO REX! DON'T THROW IT THERE!!!!
..
...
.....


Fuck.


Enter....

Yeah, Brian, I'll take a sack. Or drop a 48 point Bomb on Minnesota.

College Football Roundup and Code Red Rankings 10/28/08

Scores-
How the AP Top 25 fared last week:

#25 Minnesota 17, Purdue 6-
7-1 Minnesota just seems wrong and dirty in all the wrong places, but perhaps in a few years, their coach, former Illini tight end Tim Brewster can be induced to coach the ole Alma Mater.

#24 Florida State 30, Virginia Tech 20-
I really hate that Florida State is ranked again. Is anyone surprised that the ACC sucks yet again?D Does every good offensive recruit on the east coast go to the SEC?

#23 Boston College 24, North Carolina 45-
Butch Davis has UNC at 6-2 and making the most noise they've made since Mack Brown left for Texas. Its still the ACC.

#22 Tulsa 49, UCF 19-
I watched this beatdown on ESPN2 just for the hell of it, and 8-0 Tulsa's offense remains as fun and glitzy as ever. This program's rising, hopefully someday they'll rise out of Conference USA.

#21 Georgia Tech 17, Virginia 24-
This game used to be the most maddeningly frustrating matchup of ex-NFL turned college coaches, Chan Gailey and Al Groh. Only Al remains. Paul Johnson and his throwback triple option offense are easy to root for, but they stumbled here against the Cavaliers. I still like them most of all ACC teams.

#20 Ball State 38, Eastern Michigan 16-
Ball State is ranked?

#19 Kansas 23, #8 Texas Tech 63-
Air Raid. Air. Mother fucking. Raid. If you aren't rooting for the Red Raiders to run the table and give Mike Leach a national title, you are fucking heartless.

#18 BYU 42, UNLV 35-
I've always found it strange that the pioneers of the spread offense and the most progressive offense in history are staid, fastidious mormons.

#17 Pittsburgh 34, Rutgers 54
Ha! Greg Schiano earns himself an SKO stamp of approval for whacking Wannstedt's team out of the rankings.

#16 Missouri 58, Colorado 0
Dan Hawkins begininning to think that his team Did go play intramurals.

#15 TCU 54, Wyoming 7
Well, that's nice.

#14 South Florida 20, Louisville 24
Anyone who read my weekly rankings last year knows my inexplicable hatred of South Florida, it'd be nice to see Lousiville get back to where they were under Iggins! favorite coach, Bobby Petrino. (Seriously read that link. Its Iggins! finest rant ever, because he actually uses research and stuff. That's not typically his game)

#13 Boise State 33, San Jose State 16
Boise State begins their march back to a BCS bowl game, which can only disappoint the memory of their thrilling win against Oklahoma in their first.

#11 LSU 38, #9 Georgia 52
LSU's vaunted defense from last season further detoriates, this coming not long after hemorrhaging 51 points against Florida.

#10 Ohio State 6, #3 Penn State 13
Terrelle Pryor finally shuts up ESPN by proving he hasn't quite arrived at Vince Young's level. And god there's no hope of Penn State representing the Big Ten well in the national title game.

#7 Oklahoma State 24, #1 Texas 28
Texas sets up their inevitable glorious loss at the Air Raid's hands. Also, I still don't like Colt McCoy, his fancy 81.8% completion percentage not withstanding.

#6 USC 17, Arizona 10
The scary part is that USC is winning with defense this year.

#5 Florida 63, Kentucky 5
Kentucky's regressed pretty miserably without graduated QB Andre Woodson, and will have a tough time making it to a 3rd bowl in a row. TEBOW and Co. look dominating and a victory over Georgia next week would make them a near-lock for the SEC Championship game.

#4 Oklahoma 58, Kansas State 35
Impressive?

#2 Alabama 29, Tennessee 9
When Nick Saban faces off against Phil Fulmer, America loses.

Code Red Rankings!
1. Texas Tech
2. Texas
3. Alabama
4. Florida
5. Oklahoma
6. USC
7. Penn State
8. Georgia
9. Oklahoma State
10. Missouri
11. Boise State
12. Ohio State
13. TCU
14. Utah
15. LSU
16. BYU
17. Minnesota
18. Tulsa
19. North Carolina
20. Michigan State
21. Oregon
23. South Florida
24. Vanderbilt
25. South Carolina

Prognostication Bukakke! Results Round 1

After 1 week the standings of in the Prognostication Bukakke! are as follows:

Iggins!-10-4

Father-9-5

Code Red- 8-6

Girlfriend-8-6

A solid weekend for Iggins! and the father, mediocre efforts from myself, and surprisingly good results for blind chance on the Girlfriend's part. (She did pick the Lions after all).

Lou Holtz Says Hold On a Minute

Hey gang, Lou Holtz here. Now the last few weeks there've been some unfortunate incidents of which I have been a part, and Lou apologized sincerely for them. Yesterday here on Start Kyle Orton, my dear friend Code Red may have made a few unfortunate references to two 20th century dictators when attempting to make a point about the Iowa Hawkeyes coach, Kirk Ferentz. Code Red is distraught today over the pain this has caused. He swears that the alleged MS Paint jobs in question were not premeditated and were a heat of the moment slip of the cursor. I personally believe him, and I the old coach hopes you will too.























But seriously, Kirk Ferentz is Hitler

Consider the 2008 Iowa Hawkeyes Motto: Arbeit Macht Frei

SKO Civil War Week 2008

Kirk Ferentz, center, at an Iowa Pep Rally

2000- Illinois 31, Iowa 0

2001- DNP

2002-DNP

2003- Iowa 41, Illinois 10

2004- Iowa 23, Illinois 13

2005- Iowa 35, Illinois 7

2006-Iowa 24, Illinois 7

2007- Iowa 10, Illinois 6

And that's what I've had to fucking deal with the last 8 years. 5 straight wins by Iowa in the rivalry. Iggins! is a maniacal fanatic who'll shlop up anything Iowa throws at him and then spit it out the moment it goes sour. Drew Tate was his idol and he was willing to carry his man child until Tate struggles his senior year and "Iowa'd fuckin win if they'd put in Christensen! Did you see his fucking arm!" was his battle cry. Last year "With Christensen we're going At least 8-4!", he buys his nice little number 6 jersey and they promptly go 6-6. Christensen becomes a swear word in Iggins! household. Next up? "Ricky Stanzi is a fucking Golden God!" Peaks and valleys, friends, peaks and valleys for this "what have you done for me lately?" blasphemer. I won't even get started on how many times I heard "Ferentz is a fucking moron! Run Albert Young!" followed ten minutes later by "WE CAN'T FUCKING RUN WITH ALBERT YOUNG! HE SUCKS! DAMIEN SIMS IS TEH SHIT!"

But I? Oh I have weathered the fucking storm my friends. I was there watching Illinois football when we had Simeon Rice and Kevin Hardy and the best defense in the Big Ten, if not the country (the two went #2 and #3 overall in the 1996 NFL draft), and yet couldn't make a damn bowl game because we tied the last game of the season 3-3. Yeah, the offense was that bad. I suffered without complaint as Ron turner went 5-25 in his first three years, enjoyed the 8-4 season that culminated with the raping of Virginia in the Micron PC Bowl (yeah, THE Micron PC Bowl), I saw the rise of Kurt Kittner, who forever holds a place in my heart. Oh did I thrill at the 10-2 Big Ten Championship of 2001, and yes, I still poke pins into my Rohan Davey voodoo doll with regularity. What followed that Big Ten Championship? Ohh, how about a 13-45 record from 2002-2006. I had to watch Jon Beutjer, Chris Pazan, Brad Bowers, and Tim f*&king Brasic play quarterback. Yet I watched every single game that was televised, which mercifully was never more than 4-5 a year with records like that. But oh did the corner seem to turn in 2007! Juice! Rashard! Rejus Benn! Jay Leman! Vonte Davis! Oh the talent ooozed from that team, and at 5-1, having knocked off ranked teams the previous two weeks, Illinois wandered into Kinnick determined to bust their streak against 2-4 Iowa.

And failed. Miserably. How do I describe the effort of a vastly superior Illinois team against the inferior Hawkeyes last year? Imagine you're in love with this extremely attractive girl. She's kindly, but with emphasis, turned you down year after year. Finally she relents and gives you one date to prove yourself. So you think, "Hey, I'll cook her a nice romantic dinner. Women love sensitive guys who can cook!" And you invite her over. But while you try to talk to her you stumble over your words, start flop sweating and ignore the roast, which burns to a crisp in the oven, setting off the smoke alarm. As you fan a towel in front of the smoke alarm to get it to turn off you accidentally elbow the girl in the head and knock her out cold. You panic so badly you piss yourself. You reach to help her and instead slip and wind up headbutting her in the crotch. She wakes up with your head in her crotch and piss stains on your pants. She calls the cops, you get hauled off for attempted date rape and, having realized that you forgot to turn the oven off, watch as your house burns down. That, my friend, was Illinois' effort against Iowa last year.

This year? The situation looks grim. An Illinois team that seems more and more to consist solely of Juice Williams on offense and Vonte Davis on defense has blown to games in which it was favored, against Minnesota and Wisconsin. A resurgent Iowa has shot out to 5-3 (though thats a weeeeeeeeeeeeeee bit deceptive when you factor in that three of their wins have come against AA Maine, 3-4 (in the Sun Belt!) Florida International, and 2-6 Iowa State) behind demi-God Shonn Green (1154 yds, 10 tds rushing) and the typically stout if boring Ferentz defentz. Iowa will most likely be favored heading into Saturday, even though the game will be played in Champaign.

Is there hope? I doubt it. The milquetoast assassin that coaches the Hawkeyes knows how to dominate Illinois consistently and ruin my lunch every single fucking year. Iggins! and I discussed yesterday the uniquely opposite natures of Zook and Ferentz. Zook can take a brilliant recruiting class that should be spotted 10 wins on talent alone and go 7-5, as he did at Florida and is doing this year. Ferentz can throw together five tubby white kids on the offensive line, pick a kid out of the crowd and win 8 games with a team that should win 4. His teams do tend to struggle in years in which they're burdened with huge expectations, but even that can't help Illinois this year as no one but Iggins! (and he says they'll go at least 8-4 every year regardless) thought they'd be impressive.

I'm not going to pray for one more win as epically as Iggins! did last year. I'm not gonna throw up false bravado and act like I expect Illinois to win. They're more talented than Iowa. They were more talented than Wisconsin, Minnesota, and possibly even Penn State too. But talent and coaching are the yin and the yang of the game, and coaching tends to weigh just that tiny bit more heavily, and if that's the case, get ready for at least one more year of this man standing on the sidelines victorious. If he'd even gloat about it I'd actually like him more. But he won't. He'll curl the tiny little corners of his mouth into a smile practically undetectable, credit his line of fat white kids, button up his shirt and go home and make sweet, lights off, God-fearing, missionary position love with his wife.

There is no room for personality in the classless utopia Iowa Football shall create!

Someday I'll Make Up My Mind

Hey, You!

Moi?

WTF was that?

Seriously man, WTF WAS THAT?

Wisconsin loses three in a row, they fail to move the ball with any consistency other than with the ridiculous field position we gave them through turnovers and ungodly stupid penalties. Look, some of this shit's just getting ridiculous. If stupid penalties and bad calls that cost games are the mark of bad coaching..let's recap-

2008- Wisconsin 27, Illinois 17

-Twice the right tackle was whistled for lining up behind the line of scrimmage. Twice. Both cost us first downs. It shouldn't be that hard to find the line of scrimmage. It's painted on the field. You should point that one out at practice, Coach.

-8 overall penalties for 47 yards, many of which cost Illinois first downs, or turned the 4th and 1 on Illinois' last offensive possession into a 4th and 6th. Fuck nuts.

-The option/outside runs. As in running Juice outside 8 times for 4 yards. Or running the option god knows how many times despite Wisconsin constantly shutting it down. The only yards Illinois gained up the ground were straight up the middle, but those playcalls were lacking.

2008- Minnesota 27, Illinois 20

-This one's really mostly because I can't believe Minnesota's 7-1, but I can blame you inadvertently because their coach interviewed for your job.

2007- Michigan 27, Illinois 17

-This one was ungodly frustrating. Michigan loses their quarterback, runningback, and top wide receiver and we still lose because of 10 penalties for 107 yards, two of which sustained Michigan scoring drives.

-Playing rotating quarterbacks with Juice Williams in Eddie McGee keeps both of them out of synch and leads them to throw for just 106 yards.

2007- Iowa 10, Illinois 6

-This game, of course, led to this. But it was also another example of beating the option into the ground despite zero success. The thing that pissed me off most about this one was TWICE accepting penalties that gave Iowa third down instead of declining them and giving Iowa fourth down. Iggins! will tell you that Kirk Ferentz is not exactly Mike Leach. Gambling's not his business, pink shirts are. Chances are the fucker was going to punt. But no, you had to put them in third in long each time and allow Jake Christensen to complete the only two 10+ yard long passes of his career (possibly an exaggeration, but not by much).

Such a nice man..

- It was Iowa, and even Iggins! predicted an ass-whooping, and you let it through our fingers.

So really that's 4 losses due to poor coaching and preparedness. I respect everything you've done in recruiting and rebuilding this terrible program, but, you know, you could at least work a bit on the x's and o's rather than spending all day txting some blue-chipper "OMG! ILL-INI! BetR n BetR!" Until then, I remain blasé about your very existence.

This week in sports: the bye weeks are for pussies edition

What the hell? Why do both the Bears AND the Hawkeyes have byes this week? What cruel God-Creature would do this to me? Now I don't have an emotional investment in a football game on Saturday OR Sunday! What did I used to do when there was no football on... what happened in the offseason...?...

...
...
...
...
...
...OH GOD...








JESUS DE CHRISTO! REPRESSED MEMORIES!

GOD that hurt.

- The Elite XC, the MMA organization best known for allowing a deranged street fighter who has no business in a ring, in a ring, folded yesterday. This means nobody will be able to see Kimbo or Gina Carano fight until they get signed by another fight organization. And if you think that's going to be the UFC, you're a moron. I imagine that conversation would go something like this:



Dana White, UFC President: "EliteXC just folded guys. While that organization WAS overall terrible, gimmicky, probably fixed, and run by an overweight chimp who thought he was a mobster, they still have a few good fighters. Who are we thinking about signing?"

Random Middleman: "Kimbo Slice and Gina Carano seem to get good ratings. How about them?"

Dana: "... leave. Now."

In all seriousness, however, there are a few fighters who will warrant UFC attention. These include Jake Shields and Robbie Lawler.

- The Iowa Hawkeyes look a lot like they did Drew Tate's first year as QB. I ain't sayin, I'm just sayin'. Also, 5-3 (2-2) is MUCH better than that shitty team across the river's 4-3 (2-2). Because fuck the Illini. FEAR SHONN GREENE.

- How is it that Tom Brady keeps making it into the news? He hasn't played since week 1! Is there really nothing more interesting than which doctor did what to his knee and how many times he's had to have it done? Honestly? People do realize that there are actual games being played? There's this whole World Series thing...? No? Oh that's right, because there are no Boston teams playing in it ESPN magically forgets it even exists...

"Where the fuck is Tampa Bay?"

Bobby Wade's Quarterback Carousel

Those that know me and have read this site know I have a perverse fascination with the crappy quarterbacks the Bears have trotted out in my life time, so its no surprise I'm absolutely thrilled with this article by Dan Pompei of the Chicago Tribune in which he discusses the 17 (!) quarterbacks he's played with in only a 6 year career. Now, one could argue that these quarterbacks sucked partially because they were throwing passes to Bobby freakin' Wade, but his comments are insightful and valuable nonethless.

On Kordell Stewart:
"2003 Bears: " The Bears had just brought him in and everyone was excited about him, but it was a flop. That was the end of his career, no doubt. But he was a great leader."

Kordell Stewart a great leader? That's why, 6 years into his NFL career, this guy was remarking on how he couldn't remember any time Kordell's leadership had been praised, that this guy said quote "Add into this mix of incompetence that Stewart's leadership skills have long been in question and that he is perhaps the opposite of a crafty field general. It's all enough to project Stewart as a quarterback who, at the least, should have a challenger to stave off in camp." And don't be so quick on thinking that's the end of Kordell's career Bobby, he has potential as a punter.

Chris Chandler:
"2003 Bears: "One of the savviest quarterbacks I played with. He taught me a lot as far as understanding the game and being where quarterbacks expect you to be."

Chris Chandler, for instance, expected you to be there helping him find the stretcher when he left the game with his 355th injury of the year.

Rex Grossman:
"2003-2005 Bears: "He really competed, and was kind of a maverick. I remember in a preseason game he used a check we didn't have. He completed the pass to me for a first down, but he really caught it from [then-offensive coordinator John] Shoop. That's Rex."

I'm voting for McCain, and yet I too am tired of hearing the word maverick. Also, he probably caught it from Shoop for showing him up by completing a pass for a first down. That ain't Shoop's game baby.

Chad Hutchinson:
"2004 Bears: "We literally picked him up off his couch. I think he was surfing somewhere. But he was a competitor."

If he was on his couch, how could be surfing? And I bet he's right back there now.

Jonathan Quinn:
"2004 Bears: "He was a basket case in the huddle. He had a hard time getting the plays out of his mouth. A heavy-footed guy, with no mobility at all."

That's just fucking hilarious.

Craig Krenzel:
"2004 Bears: "A quiet guy who never really said much. He had a beautiful deep ball. He could throw it over your shoulder really well."

Yeah, beautiful deep ball. Thats why he was 30-67, .45% comp., 465 yds, 2 tds, 3 ints, and had a 59.6 rating on passes over 10 yards. Woof.

Kyle Orton:
2005 Bears: "Our offense was so simple when he was in the game. Ron Turner wasn't comfortable throwing more than about 10 passes a game. He has a big arm and is smart. He doesn't make any mistakes. But he's more of a rhythm guy who drops back, hits the guy he's going to with accuracy, and that's all you're going to get. He isn't the kind of guy to create something if the first read isn't open."

Obviously this isn't true anymore, but in Bobby's defense that was back in Kyle's rookie year. I wonder if Bobby's Vikings still think he can't create something. And God forbid all we get is a quarterback with a big arm who is smart, doesn't make any mistakes, and hits the guy he's going for with accuracy.

Jeff Blake:
2005 Bears: "He would tell you he threw the best deep ball in the NFL. He was a good player who I caught at the end of his career."

I bet most of you forgot Jeff Blake was a Bear. But I agree he was a great player.

The other nine quarterbacks are Titans and Vikings, and you can read the article and make up your own snarky remarks if you want to hear about that.