The Most Brilliant Way to Waste 90 Minutes Known to Man

So I did the Puckcast with the guys over at Hockeenight last night. You should go have a listen if you want to actually Hear me make obscure references to former Bears players (and by that you all know I mean Henry Burris) whilst supposedly trying to discuss hockey and the NFL lockout. Most importantly, go if you just wanna have fun.

Observations*

13 tOSU Players are gauging their draft prospects, and for some reason people are shocked. What the hell, people?! If at all possible, every player in the NCAAs should look at their draft prospects. Ohio State has been one of the best schools at helping their student-athletes get drafted soon, and it isn't out of greed. tOSU really is concerned about the possibility of a highly regarded underclassmen getting hurt his Senior year and they will help that underclassmen to get all the information on where they will be drafted as smoothly as possible. This is not bad, damnit. This is good.

The Mitchell Report has very little in it that should concern anyone in Chicago, with the exception of one player, Brian Roberts. When I heard that his name was on the list I immediately checked it out, and I find this?

According to Bigbie, however, in 2004 Roberts admitted to him that he had injected himself once or twice with steroids in 2003. Until this admission, Bigbie had never suspected Roberts of using steroids.

So we're accepting hearsay from Larry Fuckin Bigbie that says that maybe Roberts might have said he did it once? I still want Brian Roberts, Hendry. Get it done.



Patrick Kane and Jonathan Toews are apparently regular 18 and 19 year olds, albeit with spectacular skill at sliding with style around a large patch of ice. Also, they both live in different people's basements. Okay, I want to be able to relate to my favorite sports athletes, but maybe not that much. (btw I don't live in someone's basement, but I do know several people who do at the tender age of 18... oh shit I'm 18. Wow I'm old enough to where rookies are my age! 100 COCKTAILS to me.)

Quinton "Rampage" Jackson and Forrest Griffin will coach the two teams on the next season of the Ultimate Fighter, and afterwards they'll fight for the light heavyweight title. BY GOD my two favorite fighters NAY... my two favorite athletes are squaring off in a title fight? Hestermas has come early... or late, considering the fight will be some time in June, probably. But the announcement makes me happier than R. Kelly at a 12 year old's birthday party. Simple, balanced equation:



+



=



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In other news, the Bears, who are so far out of the playoff picture that the Lions feel sorry for them, are busy convincing us that Orton will do better than he did in 2005. You don't have to convince me, Bears. I know how to fear a God.

Observations*

Tim Tebow won the Heisman. He was obviously the most deserving candidate, so I can't see any controversy stemming from this one. Does the Heisman curse apply to underclassmen? We can't be sure about Leinart just yet, even though he was having a terrible season with the Cardinals before he was hurt. But he has been very underwhelming. However, it is at times like these that I think people should remember that only recently has the NFL decided that QBs have to be great NOW, as in immediately after they are drafted. Let's let Aaron Rodgers be a lesson to us.

Watch a hockey game. It is very difficult if not impossible to explain how enjoyable watching the NHL is without just watching a damn game. The things they do on the ice are nothing short of spectacular. And I'm saying that after the Blackhawks lost. Among the many amazing things they do, pronouncing Byfuglien like Bufflin is by far the most impressive.

Randy Moss horrifies me. Not only does his elbow have more talent in it than the last 24 Chicago Bear quarterbacks, he also apparently owns a cloak of invisibility. There is no other possible explanation for how wide open he was. Also, note to Steelers: they're throwin to WELKER. I can only imagine the stupidity preparing to flow from the mouth of Bill Simmons.


Adrian Peterson is human?! I am Jack's surprised kidneys. Also surprising, tWWL's link to AD's page is linked to the Chicago Bear's Adrian Peterson bio. Are they really that hard to tell apart?

This fight was amazing:


Huerta vs. Guida. Youtube it, download it, beat down Dana White's door to watch it, it doesn't matter. This fight was the best fight I've seen since Griffin vs. Bonnar, no kidding. Also, is a tattoo a prerequisite to fight in the UFC?

*Now with more guanine!

Byfuglien isn't a curse word?

Memo to all Chicago sports fans:

Please sit down. This information will be shocking. Hockey still exists.

Still sitting? Back in your chair yet? Good. Now for the real shocker...



The Blackhawks are good. Like, really good. Last night Dustin Byfuglien scored 3 goals (they call that a hat trick, for those of you who forgot hockey existed) in the first fuckin period. And that was AFTER the Blackhawks were up 2-0. Do the quick math and that has the Blackhawks up 5-0 in the first. Damn. But this was no one game wonder, Chitown. Check the standings:

Western Conference
CENTRAL	GP	W	L	OTL	PTS	GF	GA	PP%	PK%	HOME	AWAY	L10
Detroit	25	17	6	2	36	85	61	22.0	84.9	10-2-0	7-4-2	5-4-1
Chicago	25	14	9	2	30	77	69	20.2	83.7	8-5-0	6-4-2	6-2-2
St. Louis	23	14	8	1	29	59	52	13.9	89.6	9-3-0	5-5-1	7-2-1
Nashville	23	12	9	2	26	68	68	14.3	80.6	7-3-1	5-6-1	6-2-2
Columbus	25	11	10	4	26	63	62	15.4	88.5	7-3-2	4-7-2	3-5-2
NORTHWEST	GP	W	L	OTL	PTS	GF	GA	PP%	PK%	HOME	AWAY	L10
Vancouver	25	14	9	2	30	68	60	18.7	80.3	7-6-1	7-3-1	7-1-2
Minnesota	25	14	9	2	30	67	64	18.2	82.9	9-4-0	5-5-2	5-5-0
Colorado	24	13	10	1	27	69	71	13.8	80.6	10-2-0	3-8-1	4-5-1
Edmonton	26	11	14	1	23	64	79	10.5	85.1	7-7-0	4-7-1	6-4-0
Calgary	26	10	13	3	23	70	80	14.8	77.2	6-7-2	4-6-1	4-6-0
PACIFIC	GP	W	L	OTL	PTS	GF	GA	PP%	PK%	HOME	AWAY	L10
Dallas	26	13	9	4	30	75	69	22.7	87.1	7-3-2	6-6-2	6-2-2
San Jose	24	12	8	4	28	63	54	18.1	89.9	4-5-2	8-3-2	5-2-3
Anaheim	27	12	11	4	28	66	76	13.3	79.6	8-3-3	4-8-1	6-3-1
Phoenix	23	11	12	0	22	57	70	13.4	81.2	4-7-0	7-5-0	5-5-0
Los Angeles	24	10	13	1	21	66	76	18.3	78.7	6-7-0	4-6-1	3-6-1

-Yes, that's right, the Blackhawks are second, not just in their division, but in their league.

-Now for another shock: I like hockey. It's the single hardest sport in the world to play and it's very fun to watch. The only time it isn't fun to watch is (or was) when you were a Blackhawk's fan, because they were equivalent to the Quad Cities' own UHL franchise: The Quad City Mallards:



-However, now they have a strong core of young talent, and they aren't taking four years to start to win like the Bulls. For your convenience, the Blackhawk's team leaders and stats for their best players:


RW, Patrick Kane:
#1 pick overall in last year's draft
7 goals, 20 assists: 27 points
Team Leader in Assists and Points

RW, Patrick Sharp:
3rd NHL season, acquired from Philadelphia 3 years ago
12 goals, 8 assists: 20 points
Team leader in Goals

C, Jonathan Toews:
#3 pick overall in last year's draft
10 goals, 10 assists: 20 points
Team leader in awesomeness. Seriously, watch him skate, then watch Crosby skate. I ain't sayin, just sayin.

C, Robert Lang:
14th NHL season
6 goals, 14 assists: 20 points
The wily veteran among incredibly talented youngsters

G, Nikolai "The Bhulin Wall" Khabibulin:
11th NHL season
Saved Goal pct: 90.6%, Goals against average: 2.7, record: 10-6

And there are several good defensemen, counting Dustin Byfuglien who scored the first period hat trick.

-In short, Chicago, it's hockey time again, and I couldn't be happier. This is the sport that God has sent to us so that we might find solace after the NFL season. Hail the baby Blackhawks! Hail hockey!



That's Toews (Pronounced Tayvz). He is that good.

And that's a game winner in a shootout by Kane