Bears 27, Vikings 13- The Dagger

With apologies to my friends at Hockeenight (and if you're a Hawks fan and you aren't reading them, you're really missing out) and the Blackhawks organization, I'm going to co-opt their anthem for a day:



Didn't this game just make you fucking giddy? I'm going to thank TEC's Cardinals for laying an egg last week, because it was a glorious feeling to watch the Bears officially put the dagger in the 2010 Minnesota Vikings season. Honestly, this game wasn't even as close as the score indicated. Take away one blown coverage on Percy Harvin and one mind-numbingly stupid endzone pick by Jay Cutler and this was a hair away from a 30-6 slaughter. How'd we get there? Let's break it down:

THE GOOD:

Lance Briggs and Brian Urlacher: 17 carries for 51 yards. That was the total for Adrian Peterson today. I'm not exactly sure how many of those came on the first two drives for the Vikings, but I'll bet it was the majority. Starting in the 2nd quarter Briggs and Urlacher made the necessary reads on the stretch plays that the Vikings were running and from then on out the game was more or less decided. Left to deal with the Bears defense alone, Favre wasn't going to get it done. I was listening to the Vikings radio call for the second half while I was on the road, and Paul Allen said it best: When Briggs and Urlacher are healthy, the Bears win a lot of games.

The offensive line: For the first time this year I'm going to put them into the "good" column. They only allowed Cutler to be sacked one time, and while Jay had to pull it down and run and buy himself time on multiple occasions, that's okay. Earlier this year they weren't even clearing guys out enough to give Jay room to scramble. They also allowed Forte and Taylor to rack up 102 yards rushing against a Vikings defense that, while much worse than last year, has played respectably against the run. Good job, boys.

DJ Moore: I love that guy.

Devin Hester: God I hope he's okay, because he was an absolute terror in the return game today, and he drew a lot of attention on defense that freed up Johnny Knox (5 catches, 90 yards) and Earl Bennett.

The Tight Ends: Olsen and Davis both had TD catches that were huge. Good to see that Martz knows how to make it count whenever he does use them.

Jay Cutler: Outside of one pass, he played the best game he's played all year. He made plays with his feet, avoided sacks, threw well on the run and in the pocket, had 3 TD passes and just did everything that his talent should allow him to do on a weekly basis.

Mike Martz: For two weeks, he's called brilliant games. Here's a stat for you: despite the fact that they are still dead last in the NFL in 3rd down conversion %, over the last two weeks the Bears are 18/33. That'll do.

Brett Favre: God damn, Brett. Sometimes I forget how fun it is to watch you flail away miserably and commit four turnovers. Maybe I will miss your worthless old ass whenever you head home to your tractor and your loveless marriage in Mississippi.

Paul Allen: I don't care if he calls Vikings games. The man that brought me this and this can do no wrong. Listening to the thinly-veiled contempt that this man has for Brett Favre made my afternoon.

The Bad:

Jay Cutler's Red Zone Interception: I'm not going to throw Jay himself in the bad category when he played a great game with all things considered, so I'll just address the interception itself: Bad interception! You naughty little across-the-body-oh-God-why-we-could-have-been-up-ten-points-this-is-just-like-the-Skins-game turnover! Don't ever come back.

That's really about it. This was easily the most complete and impressive game the Bears have played all year. I won't pretend that the Vikings don't suck, but this would have been an easy game for the Bears to piss away and one they sure as hell would have over the last three years. Thursday night in Miami they get a Dolphins team that just won their first home game all year and may be playing their 3rd String quarterback. That's a must win. We'll be SKOSCasting the game that night, so see y'all then. Go Bears.










And Fuck Brett Favre.

Not So Fast, Mikey.

You remember Michael Silver, right? Just a few weeks ago he said the following:

"the Vikes have life, because they have Favre – a man impervious to age, pain, scandal, rust or, most of all, inertia"

And then Silver predicted that an invigorated Vikings team would then turn their season around. Of course they didn't, because they suck. Now in this week's article,entitled "Favre, Vikes Firmly Pressed Against the Ropes" Silver totally ignores his previous drooling schlobfest over Favre (one that occurred less than a day after Favre cost the Vikings a win over the Jets with a pick six) and tries to toot his own horn as THE MAN WHO SAW THIS COMING:

"If you’re starting to get the feeling that this is a lost season for a franchise clearly governed by a championship-or-bust mentality in 2010 – and yes, some of us saw this coming – that’s a distinct possibility. "

That link goes to an article this summer where Silver, yes, correctly predicted most of the problems the Vikings have had this year. I said the same things before this season. The difference between Mike Silver and myself is that I didn't completely reverse course and throw on the kneepads for Brett Favre the second he made two good passes against the Jets. If Silver had just stuck with his preseason statements he'd be looking pretty damn smart right now, but you do NOT earn an "I Told You So" just two weeks after penning the most pathetic piece of Favre worship I've seen this season ("Sure, he cost them the game, but he did it WITH MAGIC").

Also, read the following:

"On a day when Favre confounded skeptics in his own organization by starting a record 292nd consecutive game despite being hobbled by a pair of small but debilitating fractures in his left foot – and was surprisingly mobile and effective against a well-equipped opponent – the legendary passer was unable to finish, thanks to Pryor’s perfectly legal hit."

Favre didn't confound any skeptics. I'm a Favre skeptic. I've made it a fucking cottage industry since he started coasting on his own legend and failing miserably and hilariously in the playoffs every year since 1997. You know what I expected him to do last week? Play. The man is never as fucking injured as he claims. He's just not. He's the only player in the NFL who goes out onto the field every week protected by shoulder pads, an offensive line, the media, and the built-in escape pod that is his myriad of exaggerated or non-existent injuries. Ol' Brett throw another goddang interception? GRAB THE ELBOW, BRETT. LET THEM SEE YOUR PAIN. Fumble the ball after a sack? HOBBLE OFF LIKE THAT ANKLE HAS GONE GANGRENOUS. Drew Magary of Deadspin and Kissing Suzy Kolber ranted beautifully against this last week, so I won't go into further detail, but the only thing "confounding" about Favre playing last week is the fact that, once again, the media fell for his stupid fucking act. Favre isn't the magical healer he claims to be. He's not Wolverine. Some injuries are incapable of healing as fast as he claims, regardless of what anyone said. The reason Favre moved "surprisingly well" is because his ankle injury wasn't debilitating. Period.

Need something else to piss you off about the Favre injury charade? Check out this quote from last week:

“I’ve always had a knack for healing, I think, quicker than maybe most people,” said Favre, who has started 291 consecutive regular-season games. “And mentally … I know that I’ve been able to play with different types of injuries that most people probably wouldn’t have attempted.”

Bravo, sir. Bravo. This is some excellent solipsistic shit here, people. This man is excellent at self-fulfilling prophecies. Exaggerate your injuries, stress over and over again how much they hurt and how unlikely you are to play, then play. Regardless of how well you play or not you will be praised simply for playing, even though the only reason there was ever a doubt as to whether or not you would even play was because you yourself planted it. The best part? You can then take comfort in and even brag about your ability to play through more made up injuries than any other player in history. Bravo.

God I hate you, Brett Favre. You too, Silver.

In a Week With Many Contenders, Michael Silver Surprisingly Wins Award for Biggest Favre Dong Chugger

Not that "biggest" and "dong" should be in the same sentence as "Favre" at this point, but my God, can you get more delusional than this screed in which Silver talks about Favre as some kind of mythical hero despite him completing 41% of his passes and committing three costly turnovers in a loss? You know the drill, Silver's in italics.

Brett Favre’s return to the Meadowlands was a resounding flop. He was clearly undone by the NFL’s investigation of the lewd text messages he’s accused of having sent to a former New York Jets employee, not to mention a sore throwing elbow. And that whole Return of 84 thing? Randy Moss was but a whisper, having been completely neutralized by Antonio Cromartie.

So basically he sucked and Randy Moss didn't change that, nor did his presence change the fact that the Vikings have a shitty offensive line (which is apparently a requirement for membership in the NFC North). I like where you're going with this, Mike.

On one of the most hyped Monday nights in recent memory, the Minnesota Vikings had nothing.

That's not true. They have a 1-3 record!

And then, with 2:10 remaining in the third quarter, Favre dropped back, delivered a pass more perfect than a Hawaii sunset and changed everything – everything – about a game, a team and a still flickering dream.

Except it didn't change the fact that the Jets had the lead (which they never relinquished), it didn't change his team's losing record or their place in the standings, and it did absolutely nothing to change their flickering hopes. Because they lost. But let's judge Favre on the one or even all three of his blind luck passes to open receivers whom Rex Ryan inexplicably left in single coverage while nonsensically blitzing on 3rd and 17 or 3rd and 19, not the 20 incomplete passes he had (leaving him at 41.2% for the night).

Favre and the Vikings didn’t finish the job Monday, falling short by a 29-20 score after the Jets’ Dwight Loweryended a potential last-minute comeback drive with an interception for touchdown. Yet even though they are 1-3 and 2½ games behind the Chicago Bears in the NFC North, the Vikes have life, because they have Favre – a man impervious to age, pain, scandal, rust or, most of all, inertia.

Wait. Didn't you just say he was clearly undone by the NFL's investigation? Also, let's fix that "ended a potential last-minute comeback drive with an interception for a touchdown" by adding "that Favre threw. Straight at a defender. On a terrible throw." Because if we're judging Favre and the entire Vikings season on one pass, Mike, I choose that one.

When Favre floated that over-the-shoulder beauty to Moss down the right sideline – which the receiver caught after crossing the end line with Cromartie as close to him as legally possible – a light went on in the dormant purple-and-gold universe, and suddenly the quest to take that last, final step through the Super Bowl threshold was very much alive.

And then it was very much dead when Favre floated that side-armed beauty into the hands of a waiting Jets defender, who took it as far as legally required to score a game-clinching gift-wrapped touchdown.

As Favre jubilantly raced toward the end zone to bear-hug Moss and celebrate the 500th touchdown pass of his career, a thick layer of stress and negativity evaporated, and it was no longer about what was wrong with the team that last year came within a few blades of turf of going into New Orleans and winning the NFC championship game.

It was no longer about that because fucking fellatio artists like yourself decided to make it about all about adding another chapter to the epic saga of Favre-gamesh. The best part about this sentence is that just a few minutes later Favre HANDED THE GAME TO THE JETS ON A PICK SIX and the Vikings were 1-3 and left to wonder what is wrong with them (I've got a quick answer for them: It's the 41 year old bum playing quarterback). Oh also, they came within a few blades of turf and a BRETT FAVRE PICK THAT HANDED THE GAME TO THE SAINTS of winning the NFC championship game.

Now it was Favre, for the love of the game and within the us-against-the-world cocoon of devoted teammates, running around like no 41-year-old man should have a right to and making plays that no one else can, or ever could

No. Fuck you. Nothing Brett Favre does is for the love of the game. NOTHING. That myth died the second he forced his way out of retirement so he could play for the Jets and BY HIS OWN ADMISSION show Ted Thompson he could still play. It should have died again after he forced his release from the Jets so he could take the revenge one step further. It should have died after he claimed his holdout this summer wasn't about money before coming back the second the Vikings gave him a raise. He is the greatest narcissist in an industry that breeds nothing but narcissists. You people are pathetic.

• Looping a ball off his back foot to Percy Harvin on a crossing route that the swift second-year receiver gathered in stride and took to the house.

Yeah, that was blind luck. He threw it off of his back foot, as you note, and Harvin barely gathered it in before racing for the first down and the touchdown because the Jets had called a blitz for no apparent reason and left him wide open. Any quarterback regardless of age could have made that throw. Well, except Todd Collins.

• Putting a sick spin move on Vernon (The Ghost) Gholston to buy time on a two-point conversion attempt.

Which he didn't convert, because he threw an interception.

• Delivering another resplendent TD pass to Harvin, then getting the ball back down two points with just under two minutes remaining and spines tingling all over the football-watching world, with a gleam in his eyes that said, “This is why I’m here.”

And then he THREW A TERRIBLE PASS THAT WAS INTERCEPTED AND RETURNED FOR A CLINCHING TOUCHDOWN. Holy shit, man. "gleam in his eyes"? How did you manage to type this with one hand in your pants? What the f*&k is wrong with you?

No, Favre didn’t pull off the fantastic finish. Realistically, he started too late, and he left himself too little margin for error.

No, Favre didn't pull of the fantastic finish. Realistically, he was mostly terrible all night and completed just 14 of 34 passes. He fumbled twice and threw a game-ending pick six. He left himself too little margin for error and yet still made three crippling errors. He has a 67 quarterback rating this year and 7 interceptions because he's old and terrible, but he made three lucky passes that didn't win his team the game and yet somehow outweigh all of the really, really terrible things he did that directly contributed to his team losing this game.

However, after the way he opened up the stormy New Jersey skies Monday night, don’t bury him or these Vikings until they’re mathematically eliminated. I’m guessing they flew home a rejuvenated, hopeful crew of believers, Moss included, and that beginning Sunday in the Metrodome against the Dallas Cowboys they’ll do everything they can to avoid waiting until late in the third quarter to put opposing defenses on blast.

Right. Don't count the Vikings out of playoff contention until they're out of playoff contention. Also, apparently you didn't see Favre's mopey ass press conference, where he looked like a tired ass old man.

Even if those 17 minutes of magic were the last we’ll ever get from Favre, I’ll be grateful, for they were that good. But I really, really get the feeling that he’s pretty far from done.

I'll be grateful, too, because I thoroughly enjoy watching Brett Favre cost his team games by throwing the ball directly to opposing teams. I really, really get the feeling that it's not the last time he'll fuck his teammates over like that.

God Damnit, Rick Morrissey

At it again, are we? In his retarded piece on Brett Favre, entitled "All Brett Favre Questions Have the Same Answer: He Makes Vikings Better" (which I won't fisk line by line, since that would be talking about Favre too much, and I'm tired of doing that), he manages to take a thinly veiled shot at Jay Cutler....again-

"Question: If you're a Bears fan and want to win games (not fantasy leagues) this season, would you rather have Favre, Adrian Peterson and Bernard Berrian on your team or Jay Cutler, Matt Forte and Devin Hester?

Answer: Despite the declarations of undying love for Cutler in these parts, you would be insane not to go with Favre, et al. "

Other than the fact that Cutler is 13 years younger, has a stronger arm, Doesn't have a torn rotator cuff or surgically repaired arm, threw for more yards the last two years (8023 to 7622), a higher yards per attempt average (7.4 to 7.2), fewer interceptions (32 to 37), and had a higher rating last year, Favre's absolutely a better quarterback. Adrian Peterson is the greatest runningback in the NFL, and maybe on his way to the Hall of Fame if he stays healthy and keeps up his torrid pace, but his total yards from scrimmage last year (1885) and total TDs (10) weren't all that much better than what Matt Forte managed as a rookie (1715 and 12 tds). You could argue that Favre will make Peterson better, but you can also argue that Cutler will make Forte better. So while I'd rather have Peterson, Forte's skills as a receiver make him one of the top backs in the league nonetheless. Berrian may be better than Hester at this point, but as Bears fans know, he drops a lot of passes and has yet to have a 1,000 yd receiving season, and we'll see exactly what Hester is worth this year after he's been catching passes from Cutler.

It's really going to be fun this year to see Cutler put up great numbers and watch Morrissey try to act like he didn't spend the entire offseason ranting and raving rather than admitting he was wrong in saying the Bears shouldn't trade for Jay.

Go to Hell, Rick Morrissey.

I'll Believe This Around Week 17

Favre Not coming back. We'll see. I didn't write this for nothing.

ESPN and Favre....Again

This place was, believe it or not, once primarily a football site, and I'd like to take a minute to address some ESPN schlop about the rumors that Favre will play this year for the Minnesota Vikings, while I'd love to put it as eloquently as Big Daddy Drew of Kissing Suzy Kolber, I'm just going to break down this article by Gene Wojciechowski entitled "Brett Favre is considering a comeback, and he's still worth watching." His quotes in italics.

I know what some of you are thinking about this Brett Favre-in-The Color Purple-scenario: He's animal crackers, he's almonds and cashews -- nuts, he's absolutely lost the football laces to his mind.

Ho Ho! Not at all what I'm thinking. Is Brett insane? No, not at all. Greedy? Absolutely. Does he have an incredibly delusional sense of self importance thats been reinforced over the last ten years by fawning media yuppies while his career has continued a never ending death spiral with just one outlier in 2007? Without a doubt. Does he probably lie awake at night terrifed to contemplate walking away from the game because he can't find validation without Peter King writing every fucking week about his legend like its a Norse Saga? Yes. (But really, he could still retire for good and Peter would find away to praise him every week).

And even though I'm the resident ESPN defender of all things Favre (with the exception of those Wrangler commercials, the ones in which male models try to block for Favre in a pick-up football game), I understand where you're coming from on this. You've had it with the multiple retirements, the comebacks, the waffling. You want him on a riding lawnmower in Mississippi or in a television booth come September. Anywhere but in an NFL uniform and in a huddle, right?

The resident defender of Favre? Does that imply that someone, ANYONE on ESPN actually criticizes The Gunslinger? If so where has That guy been since about 1998? Is he chained up in a boiler room next to the guy who tried arguing that Major League Baseball has Central and Western divisions as well as Eastern? And I don't want Favre in a television booth in September. I don't want him in a television booth at all. My God. Can you imagine the hypocrisy of Brett analyzing the play of other quarterbacks? Is he going to criticize the decision making of Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, or any of the other bajillion quarterbacks that have a better touchdown-to-interception ratio than him? That will be laughable.

But one person's Favre fatigue is another person's possible quarterback answer. And that person is Minnesota Vikings coach Brad Childress, who at least owes it to himself and his team to kick the tires on the No. 4-mobile.

I don't know whether the 39-year-old Favre has another season in him, but I'd like to find out. Because for all the Favre-related complaining and eye-rolling by his critics and skeptics, the NFL is more interesting with him than without him.

Brad Childress may care about what he owes to himself, but he sure as shit doesn't care about what he owes to his team. If he did, he wouldn't have reached in the second round a few years ago to grab Tavaris Jackson out of Alabama State. He wouldn't have allowed Brad Johnson on a football field. Ever. He wouldn't have waffled between Jackson and GUS FREROTTE last year. Hell, there are a thousand ways to improve the quarterback position. Childress has spent three years pissing on all of them because clearly his time as the Eagles offensive coordinator allowed him to learn from Andy Reid all of the ways to abuse the quarterback position. And No. The NFL is not more interesting with Brett Favre. Its not. The average football fan is sick and fucking tired of Brett Favre news. We will change the fucking channel every time they break into a separate game to show us another of Favre's career milestones that are cheap and hollow because they've come at the expense of crippling two franchises and a third soon to come. If the sports media knew Anything about how to maintian their viewers interest they'd chain up King, Madden, Collinsworth and every other broadcaster who can't keep focus enough on a game between the Bears and the Buccaneers without finding some fucking way to mention Favre. I can't WAIT to hear every single comparison Jay Cutler gets to Favre. It was so much fun with Grossman the first time around. Until the media tore him apart for poor decision making.

Can he still play? Until a torn right biceps tendon affected his arm strength, it looked like he could. The New York Jets won five more with Favre as their QB than they did a season earlier. Favre stunk it up down the stretch, but he wasn't the only Jet with an odor. It was a team of finger-pointers -- some of them anonymously pointed at Favre -- who played the convenient blame game.

Oh yes. The torn bicep. Favre was hurt! You can't blame him! Granted, he'd never actually take time off to heal an injury when it might affect his precious Iron Man streak. This reminds me of the thumb injury he had in 2003. Whenever he gashed a team for 300 yards, well, aww, shucks, ya know, the thumb don't really affect me all that much. Then when he laid an egg and lost to the godawful Lions on Thanksgiving the tv cameras zoomed in on the splint every fucking time they had the chance in order to subconsciously plant the idea that "IS NOT BRETT FAULT! HE HURT THUMB!!!" and of course Brett blamed his "bad grip" right after the game was over. The truth is the Jets improved primarily on the play of both their defensive and offensive lines because of pickups like Alan Faneca and Kris Jenkins. Also, some of them weren't pointed anonymously at Favre. Thomas Jones came out and said he should have been benched. God Bless Thomas Jones.

Old or not, the Green Bay Packers thought he could still play a season ago -- just not for them. But that didn't stop Packers management from inserting a poison pill clause in Favre's Jets deal. Trade him to a team in the NFC North -- home of the Packers, Detroit Lions, Chicago Bears and Favre's original post-Green Bay choice, the Vikings -- and the Jets would owe Green Bay three first-round picks.

If Favre and his sometimes knuckleheaded agent, Bus Cook (see Cook's comments comparing his client Jay Cutler to Tom Brady and the Manning brothers), manipulated the circumstances to create a 2009 opportunity with the Vikings, then good for them. After all, the Packers manipulated the circumstances to limit Favre's playing opportunities in 2008. All's fair in trade clauses and retirement announcements.

Oh yes, the Packers still thought he could play. That's why Ted Thompson had been trying to pressure him into retirement from the day he got there and probably cursed the Gods for Favre's miracle 2007 campaign. And yes, the mean old Packers manipulated the circumstances for Favre to play. It was so unfair of them to seem shocked and upset when the greatest player in Packers history told them he was walking away only to return and demand a trade to their bitterest rivals. TEHY MANIPOLATED HIM!

Even if you can't stand the idea of another Favre unretirement, you have to admire him for working his way around a system usually stacked in favor of the teams, not the players. But however he got to this point, either by plan or accident, Favre could be a Viking soon.

Even though I hate making the usual "NFL players make too much money" argument, they do. Any system in which you make millions of dollars to play professional sports is stacked in favor of the fucking players. I'm not going to applaud because Favre's used the pressure of his legion of dopes to fuck the Packers three ways from Sunday, even if I wouldn't piss on Lambeau Field if it were on fire unless I was chugging kerosene.

The Vikings need a quarterback. They have enough of everything else to make a serious playoff run, but they don't have a quarterback who inspires anything else but yawns.
Tarvaris Jackson has potential, but we've been saying that for three years now. Jackson has never completed more than 59.1 percent of his passes in any of those three seasons. If the Vikings were convinced he was the answer, they wouldn't be chatting with Favre.

The same goes for Sage Rosenfels, whom the Houston Texans traded for a 2009 fourth-round pick. As a backup and five-game starter, Rosenfels thrilled Texans fans with a 6-touchdown, 10-interception season. So now you know why the Vikings are talking to Favre.

I'm not going to pity the Vikings situation at quarterback. They've bumbled their way into that situation and its hilarious. But you know what's hysterical? Sage Rosenfels, for all of his turnovers, actually has a higher quarterback rating over the last three seasons than Favre does, and his 6 td, 10 int performance earned him a 79.5 rating, exactly 1.5 points lower than 81.0 Favre. Big. Fucking. Deal.

If the Vikes buy Favre an engagement ring, the team instantly becomes a better team. Not Super Bowl better, but maybe better than the 10-6 record they had a year ago while winning their division. Favre wouldn't cost them a draft pick. He probably wouldn't cost them what the Jets paid him in 2008 ($12.7 million). And he wouldn't be showing up in early August.

What is there to back this up? His 9-7 record with the Jets last year? There's no metric that proves the Vikings have a more talented core than the Jets did last year. Adrian Peterson is undoubtedly better than Thomas Jones, but the Jets still had a solid running game. The receivers on both teams suck, and the Jets defense was hardly worse than Vikings last year at 22 ppg vs 20 ppg, with the Jets actually generating far more turnovers, all while playing in a division featuring far better offenses, believe it or not, than the ones the Bears and Lions threw at the Vikings for four games last year. Also, I love the confidence of saying "instantly become a better team" followed shortly thereafter by "maybe better than the 10-6 record they had a year ago." Uh huh.

Schedule handicapping is dicey stuff, but for what it's worth, the Vikings open at home against Cleveland, travel to the Detroit Staffords, play San Francisco at home and then play, ta-da, the Packers on Monday Night Football on Oct. 5 in the Metrodome.
They play the Rams in St. Louis, Baltimore at home, then go to Pittsburgh, followed by a trip to Green Bay on Nov. 1. Think about it: Favre at Lambeau … in purple.

Then it's home games against Detroit, Seattle and Chicago, a road trip to Arizona, home against Cincy, away games at Carolina and Chicago (Dec. 28) and then home against the Giants.

Do the math because I can't. I have no idea how it will play out, but I'm guessing the rest of the NFC North would rather face the Vikings without Favre in the lineup.

Favre in his last 8 games against the Bears: 176/307, 57% Comp, 1,972 yds, 246.5 ypg, 6.4 ypa, 5 tds, 15 ints, 61.7 rating. He's also been sacked 12 times in those 8 games. I can't imagine any other quarterback I WOULD want in the Vikings lineup. Perhaps I should stop this argument right here.

If Favre is doing this to stick it to the Packers, then it's the wrong kind of comeback for the wrong kind of reasons. Despite their messy divorce, Favre and the Packers will forever be joined at the chinstrap.

But if he can still play, and compete, and win, then there's nothing wrong with another retirement reversal. Vikings fans won't mind; why should you?

I hope The Waffler returns. I hope he stays healthy. Most of all, I hope my plasma works on Oct. 5 and Nov. 1.

IF Favre is doing this to stick it to the Packers? IF? Is there any doubt? The guy hates Ted Thompson because he had the gall to see a declining player who hurt his own team as much as he helped it with poor decision making and he had the NERVE not to fawn and beg Brett to come back when he decided to retire. What he's doing now is malice, pure and simple, and I can not wait for his season to go up in flames and prove Thompson right once and for all. Also, the article by Drew I posted above should be proof that Vikings fans Do mind. Go away Brett, just fucking go away.

Aw Shucks, I love Football.

(Favre throws 7 yard slant under coverage to Driver. 10 yard run after pass.)

Shucks. I love football. All night long, just me and my rocket arm throwin them slant routes. I must seriously be the best quarterback ever to play the game.

John Madden: Look at the way Brett Favre rockets in the pass. He throws that five yard slant route better than any quarterback in the history of the game.

(Fave throws 6 yard out route to James Jones, 5 yard run after catch)

I mean really, the Bears can't stop me. Golly, ain't no team in the NFL can stop this powerhouse train of quick slants and out routes underneath the coverage. Shoot, I'm so dang happy I didn't retire. I'm showin the world that Ol' Brett's still got it, and by it of course I mean the ability to throw 5 yard slants. But damnit, I sure throw em purty.

(Favre throws 6 yard slant pass under coverage. Pumps fist energetically)

John Madden: Now, now, Brett Favre, he throws that slant pass prettier than any others in the game. Did I mention that Brett, he, Loves the game? You gotta love a guy that loves the game. Because if you don't love football, than your just playing it. But Brett doesn't play football, he loves it, and that makes him a great lover of the game.

I mean golly, what a great game to play. What a great use of my abilities. My resurgence is instoppable. Unstoppable? Shucks, who the hell cares?

(Second half. Bears switch to Cover 2, move safety up to stop slant route underneath. Pressure comes, Favre rolls right, panics, throws ball straight to Brian Urlacher. Pass intercepted)

Madden: Well, Brett made that pass because he loves the game. He loves it so much that he made something out of nothing. Sometimes you have to gamble....and get picked off by a linebacker four yards away. Man, look at the love of the game.

Oh dad gummit. Why the hell did they do that? What's that safety doin there? Shit. Well now what the hell do we do. S'pose I'll ask Coach McCarthy.

Coach McCarthy: Brett, they took away the underneath passes. We're fucked. That's all we've run now for the year and a half I've been here. Hell, it's all I ran in San Fransisco. Just, christ, just uh, run the ball every down from now on. How and when we do pass, just, just keep trying to throw the slant. I mean, they took it away, but, well hell. What do we do now Brett?

Dangit coach, I dunno. Golly I shoulda retired.

Coach McCarthy: Just get back out there and hand the ball off. God we're fucked.

(Run, Run, Run, Punt)

Dangit.

(Next possession: Run, Run, Incomplete Slant, Punt)

Dangit.

(Bears score to go up 27-20)

Dangit

(Next Green Bay possession. Bears play off the corners to prevent deep pass)

WAIT A MINUTE! YES! I GOT THE SLANT BACK!

(Slant pass to Driver. 8 yard gain. Slant pass to Donald Lee. 8 yard gain. Slant pass to Donald Lee. 8 yard gain. Incomplete slant. Slant pass to James Jones. 8 yard gain. Dump off pass to Vernand Morency. 9 yard gain. Incomplete Slant.)

Coach McCarthy: Brett, we're gonna have to throw it deep. We've got one last play. God, we're fucked.

Dang it. No, wait. I'm Brett dog gone Favre. I'm the gunslinger. I used to live for this. I can make this pass. Screw them dang slants. I am the warrior!

John Madden: And this is what Brett Favre lives for. He's the gunslinger. This is his time to make a play.

All up to you now, Brett. Be the hero!

(Favre winds up. Chucks the ball long into the end zone. Intercepted.)

Dangit.