Cubs Preview 3/18/08

Roster Spot 13- P- Bob Howry #62

Ht: 6'5'' Wt: 220 Bats: Left Throws: Right

In 2005 the Cubs suffered greatly trying to hold leads in the 7th and 8th innings. While Ryan Dempster had the best year of his closer career, going 33 of 35, more often than not games were blown before Dempster even had a crack at nailing them down. The combination of LaTryoy Hawkins/Roberto Novoa/Todd Wellemeyer/Will Ohman/Mike Remlinger proved vastly inept at getting leads to the 9th inning. So the Cubs response to their 79-83 finish in '05 was to make three big off-season moves: trade for Juan Pierre to lead-off, and sign Bob Howry and Scott Eyre to big contracts totalling 33 million, the largest contracts ever given to set-up men.

In 2006, with the team crapping itself all around them, Bob and Scott were bright spots, especially Bob, as he went 4-5 with a 3.17 ERA in a team-leading 84 appearances. Many felt that manager Dusty Baker overused Bob and Scott Eyre in a lost cause and shouldn't have put so much stress on their arm by forcing then to make 84 and 78 appearances, respectively, rather than allowing some of the Cubs young pitchers to gain experience. Baker claimed that he wasn't used to "not playing to win", which is odd, as he should have been well used to losing at that point.

In 2007 both Bob and Scott showed the effects early in the season of Dusty's abuse in 2006. While I mentioned Scott's horrendous first half numbers in his article, Bob fared only a little better, posting a 4.68 ERA in 39 first half appearances. Like Scott, Bob improved after the All Star Break with a 1.85 ERA in 39 second half games. Bob finished with a solid line of:

78 games, 81.1 innings pitched, 6-7, 3.32 ERA. 72 strikeouts, 19 walks.

In his two seasons with the Cubs Bob has been a model of consistency and reliability that their bullpen frequently lacks. This spring with Dempster being moved to the rotation Howry was part of the three man competion for the closing spot with Kerry Wood and Carlos Marmol, but since has dropped out of the race with an ugly 0-1, 11.81 ERA record in 6 appearances. While his spring numbers have generated a great deal of anxiety among Cubs fans, I'll give Bob the benefit of the doubt for now and base my judgement on his consistent regular season numbers. If he stays close to his career norms, Bob will once again be the Cubs go-to guy in the 7th inning.

Cubs Preview #3- 3/17/08

Roster Spot #14- SS- Ryan Theriot #2
Ht: 5'11'' Wt: 175 Bats: Right Throws: Right

Oh Ryan..if love for the game was a stat you'd be MVP

If I had to pick one players as the 2007 Cubs MVP, it would be Ryan Theriot. With his combination of Grit, Hustle, Sticktoitiveness, Exuberance, Scrappiness, and overall adorability, he was the key to the Cubs winning the division. I mean gosh, yeah, he didn't really hit THAT great, but he's just a "winning" type of ballplayer, I mean, and he's SOOO Cute.

F&%k That.

Look, I like Ryan Theriot. Most Cubs fans like him. He's a nice kid who has done more than was expected of him and plays hard every day. He's not a superstar as the teenage girls and the blue collar morons in the bleachers at Wrigley will tell you, he's not the Cubs key player, and hustle, despite the common myth, does not win ballgames. The people who argue for Ryan's greatness based on hustle are the same people who defended Neifi Perez. They're the ones who get on Aramis Ramirez every year for not running out every single groundball. Yeah, Aramis isn't a "hustler". All he does is average 31 homers and 106 rbis every year. I'll take it.

Ryan hit .266 last year. That's fairly mediocre. As was his play at shortstop where, while he was a huge upgrade from Cesar Izturis and Ronny Cedeno, he didn't exactly remind anyone of Ozzie Smith, given that his arm strength is somewhere between a 12 year old girl and Shane Matthews.

Ryan does have some great qualities, he has tendency to have long at bats, he had a great strikeout to walk ratio, having struck out only 50 times last year and walked 49, and he's an adequate base stealer after stealing 28 bags last year. But he's not the answer to the lead-off problem for the Cubs, and those people who've been clamoring for him to take over the spot from Soriano are ridiculous ( and don't try and point out that that's just what Lou has done the last week, because that move was made to get Soriano used to the two spot before the arrival of Roberts. If we don't get Roberts, Soriano will be back at #1 by opening day. I guarantee it). By what statistic does Theriot merit being the lead-off hitter over Soriano? Batting Average? Al hit .299, Theriot .266. On Base Percentage? Al's- .331, Theriot's- .326. In every measurable stat but stolen bases Soriano is better than Theriot, so get over it.

So quit freaking out about him and look at him for what he is- a decent fielding, decent hitting, decent running player. A DECENT player. He'll probably bat 7th this year if we acquire Brian Roberts, and Cubs fans shouldn't bemoan his fate. In the 7 spot he's a valuable hitter, in the lead-off spot or two hole he's a guy that's only giving Lee/Ramirez a chance to drive him in 32 percent of the time. There, I said it.

Cubs Preview #2- 3/17/08

Roster Spot 15- OF- Matt Murton #19
Ht: 6'1'' Wt: 220 Bats: Right Throws: Right

Murton ready to unleash the power of his massive thighs.

You know, it really has to suck to be Matt Murton. In 2003 Matt is selected by the Boston Red Sox in the 1st round of the MLB Draft. As a first rounder Murton obviously has a bright future in an organization about to win its first world series in 86 years. In his rookie year in low A ball, Matt hits a respectable .286 with a very respectable .375 OBP in 53 games, getting his professional career off to a great start. In 2004 Matt moves to high A ball and hits .301 with 11 hrs, 55 rbis, and an impressive .371 OBP in 102 games to start the season. Surely he's got to be one of the bright spots of the Boston farm system? Nay. The Red Sox flip him to the Cubs as an afterthought to the Nomar Garciaparra trade. Bummer #1 for Matt.

But you know what, new organization, new chance, perhaps Matt wouldn't have had a chance to make his ML debut in 2005 with the defending World Champions. So he bides his time with the Cubs AA West Tennessee Diamon Jaxx for 78 games, hitting a robust .342 with a .403 OBP, 8 hrs, 46 rbis, and 18 stolen bases. And then it happens: the Cubs send struggling center fielder Corey Patterson down and call up Matt Murton and his best friend from West Tennessee, Adam Greenberg. Matt makes his major league debut July 8, 2005 against the Florida Marlins and goes 2-2 with a double, a walk, and a sacrifice fly in a 9-6 Cubs win. Matt's friend Adam makes his debut the next day and gets hit with a fastball in the head, is concussed, later suffers from post-concussion syndrome, and is forced to retire from baseball two years later. Matt may envy him. Matt follows up his debut by playing in 25 games between July 8 and August 16 and hitting .339 with a .415 OBP, 1 hr and 4 rbis. So now young Matt has found his way to rookie stardom with the Cubs, right?

Wrong. In August the Cubs interim center fielder Jerry Hairston, Jr. is hurt and the Cubs decide to call Corey Patterson back to the minors, and, in a move that will never make sense to anyone other than Dusty f*&king Baker, send Murton down to AAA Iowa, where Matt hit .353 with a .421 OBP in 9 games before Baker's stupidity is overruled and Matt is called back up to the Cubs and finishes the season with a final stat line of:

51 games, 140 at-bats, .321 avg., 7 hrs, 14 rbis, .386 OBP, .521 slugging, 2 stolen bases.

So Cubs fans cry foul at Dusty's refusal to give Matt a signficant role in 2005 and Dusty makes Matt the starting left fielder for the Cubs in 2006. Matt responds with the following line:

144 games, 140 ABs, .297 avg., 13 hrs, 62 rbis, .365 OBP, .444 slugging, 5 stolen bases.

His batting avg. was the highest (qualified) on the team, while his OBP was 2nd. Pretty good first full season, eh? Surely Matt has secured his place in the lineup?

Nay. Before the 2007, while swearing that Matt shall remain the starting left fielder, the Cubs sign Alfonso Soriano (ostensibly to play center field) and Cliff Floyd to "back up" Matt. As it happens Matt bats only .252 with 1 hr in the first half, is moved first from left field to right field as Soriano shifted from center to left and Jacque Jones shifted from right to center, then is benched in favor of Cliff Floyd. On June 13, after nearly 2 years in the Majors, Matt is sent down to AAA Iowa for over a month before returning to the Cubs on July 27. Matt played better in a back-up role after his return, batting .310 with 7 hrs and 14 rbis. in the second half. Matt's 2007 numbers:

94 games, 235 ABs, .281 avg., 8 hrs, 22 rbis, .352 OBP, .438. slugging, 1 stolen base.

After the season the Cubs let Cliff Floyd leave as a free agent. Perhaps opening the door for Matt to start again in right field? Nay. On December 11, 2007 the Cubs sign Japanese right fielder Kosuke Fukudome to a $48 million, 4 year deal. Fukudome is a four time Gold Glove winner in Japan, as well as the 2006 Japanese Central League MVP and will be the Cubs every day right fielder, leaving Matt Murton once again totally screwed.

This spring Matt is hitting .359 with a .410 OBP, and has been mentioned in just about every single trade rumor involving the Cubs.

Matt Murton- The World's Unluckiest Player.

Cubs Preview- 3/17/08

Sorry for the delay over the weekend, but I am home on spring break with the girlfriend and she kept me away from the computer, but at least I used the time off to convert her from the dangerous waters of Red Sox fandom and have educated her enough that she can name the Cubs starting lineup and rotation. So I've got that going for me. Anywho, on with the previews, of which I must do three..

Roster Spot 16- P- Jason Marquis #21

Ht:6'1'' Wt: 210 Bats: Left Throws: Right

If its May, that's a strike. If it's August, Duck.

For Jason Marquis' entry, I've decided to a pro/con on why you should like/hate Jason

Pro: Jason won 12 games last year.

Con: Had a 5.73 ERA after the All-Star Game last season.

Pro: When I made it to Wrigley last season for the only game I saw live, Jason pitched and hit a home run against the White Sox.

Con: In that game Jason gave up 5 runs and got a no decision after being bailed out by Derrek Lee's grand slam.

Pro: Jason has pitched well this spring with an ERA of 2.00 in 3 starts.

Con: Jason has shown disdain for the idea of a competition for a rotation spot and said early in spring training that if he did not win a spot he would like to be traded.

Pro: Lowered his ERA by nearly a 1 1/2 runs from 2006 to 2007.

Con: 2006 ERA was 6.02.

Pro: Has an impressive (for a pitcher) .224 batting average.

Con: Hit just .151 last year.

Pro: Could be traded for Brian Roberts

Con: Has not been traded for Brian Roberts yet.

Cubs Preview 3/14/08

Roster Spot 17- P- Ryan Dempster #46
Ht: 6'2'' Wt: 215 Bats: Right Throws: Right


Sigh.

I knew I'd eventually have to do the Dempster article, and I'd have to face the two polar opposites of Cubs fans regarding Dempster:

1) He's a complete and total abomination of a pitcher who only made it as a closer for three seasons due to luck, he's not funny at all and should never do a Harry Caray impersonation ever again, he sucked as a starter the first time around and shouldn't be tried again, and he should be shot.

2) He's a great closer who just shouldn't be used in non-save situations, he converted a higher percentage of his saves last year than Mariano Rivera, he's fan friendly, and he is hysterical, I love his impersonation of Harry Caray.

The simple fact is, I don't like Dempster. Even in '05, when he had a good era and went 33 of 35 in saves, I never trusted him. I didn't feel confident with him at any point last year. But I don't hate him. He was a serviceable stop-gap closer between the time Joe Borowski's arm and LaTroy Hawkin's brain exploded, and Kerry Wood/Carlos Marmol being ready to take over the job. I think even if the Cubs weren't trying to make him a starter he'd have already been replaced as a closer, not so much for being ineffective but for not being Marmol or Wood. What all Cubs fans seem to agree upon is that Dempster should NOT be made into a starter again. It's pretty easy to see why when one look at his stats as a starter:

162 games started (what a coincidence), 988.2 innings pitched, 6.1 innings per start, 51-58, 4.99 ERA, 809 strikeouts, 517 walks, 1.56 WHIP.

In his 6 games as a starter for the Cubs in 2005: 33.2 innings pitched, 5.5 innings per start, 1-3, 5.34 ERA, 36 strikeouts, 22 walks, 1.77 WHIP.

So really, umm, those numbers suck. The Cubs seemed determined as hell to keep Jason Marquis and Sean Marshall from locking up rotation spots when Jason had an ERA that was a 1/3 of a run better last year than Dempster's career ERA, and Sean's was over a full run lower. Why they seem so determined on giving Ryan a chance to give up runs in the early innings rather than the 9th I don't know. Maybe they're thinking that they'll have the second coming of John Smoltz and he'll be able to be a better starter after a stint as a closer than he was before. Except Smoltz was a damn good starter the first time, a damn good closer, and an even better starter after. Dempster was a mediocre at best starter, then a mediocre at best closer, and most likely a mediocre at best starter again. Sure, Ryan has the talent. His fastball is good, his slider can be devastating when working, but with his high number of walks and his high WHIP he just doesn't make sense in the starting or closing roles. Make him a long reliever and maybe everyone's happy. Or trade him. I don't know.

The Cubs point to Ryan's spring numbers as hope that he'll prove an effective back of the rotation starter, as he's gone 2-0 with a 3.00 era in 3 starts this spring. Cub fans might as wel latch on to this hope as well, because its looking like he's gonna be there that first week of April.

Sigh.

Roster Spot 18- CF- Felix Pie #20
Ht: 6'2'' Wt: 170 Bats: Left Throws:Left

Oy...my balls

For today's preview of the Cubs top position player prospect and current front runner for the center field starting job, I decided to interview Felix Pie himself.

Code Red: So, Felix, tell me why you merit the starting job over Sam Fuld or a trade acquisition, say, Coco Crisp?

Felix: Mang, have you ever seen Sam Fuld hit a ball? No, you ain't. I'm hittin .329 this spring with two homers.

Code Red: But last year in the majors you only managed a .215 average with a .271 obp.

Felix: Yeah, and Sam managed a .000. Woop ti fucking do. And Coco Crisp? That guy hit .268 and struck out 85 times with a mediocre .330 obp, better than my numbers, yeah, but this team needs another right-handed hacker like I need another twisted testicle.

Code Red: So you feel you deserve the starting job in center?

Felix: Yeah, I mean I'm a top prospect, I've spent four full years in the minors, hit well at every level, and have played well this spring. Oh, and I ALMOST LOST A F&%KING TESTICLE FOR THIS TEAM! Come on! Did you Hear the description of what I had to have done? "The surgery involves sewing the outer layer of the testicle to the scrotum wall. The Cubs said it was a minor procedure, and if the problem was not corrected soon, Pie would risk losing the testicle."Mother fucking SEWING my nut. SEWING! I got my nuts sewed for this team! I mean shit, what would you do if Grandma came in with her knitting needles and told you you could play major league centerfield, but she had to weave your boys into a scrotum quilt! I did that for this team! and they called that a minor procedure? Are they calling the risk of me losing my sack a minor risk or are they just saying my boys are minor, because neither's true damnit.

Code Red: Ok I can see this is a "teste" subject for you..

Felix: Oh, you're fucking hilarious man, yeah, you're great. Man, fuck you.

Code Red: So how do you respond to those people who say that with your strikeouts and low obp and the fact that you wear the same number that you're really just the second coming of Corey, I'm sorry, Korey Patterson.

Felix: Corey Patterson? That bitch? Man I am leagues ahead of that guy. Literally, leagues, as in AA and AAA. Corey played 2 1/2 season in the minors and didn't hit above .261 after A-Ball, then got shot ahead to the majors. I've spent almost 6 full season in the minors and I never hit below .283 at any level, and had a .300 career average. My obp in the minors? .355.

Corey's? .334. Last year in the majors I had a 3:1 strikeout to walk ratio as a rookie. Corey's rookie year? 5.5:1 and his career for a whole is 4.6:1. Alright, yeah, I had a little trouble hitting as a rookie, but man give me a fucking chance.

Code Red: Well you certainly make a compelling argument for the starting job Felix. How do you feel about Ronny Cedeno taking some innings in center field this spring to possibly be your backup?

Felix: Cedeno? Ronny Cedeno? Christ, that guy's so retarded I saw him sniffing his jock the other day and sticking his tongue in there out of curiosity. I'd send him to Baltimore even if they don't send Roberts back.

Code Red: Felix, you have my vote.

Felix: Thanks, mang.

The "Draft Mendenhall Damnit" Bears draft choice at #14 of the day.

Today, Brian Brohm ofLouisville:



The popular belief (and by popular I mean Mel Kiper's belief) is that the Bears will draft the Brohma Bull in the second round, but that's asking a lot considering that would mean the draft would go through 44 picks without a second QB selected, and there are several dangerous (in the draft) teams who might go after this guy before the Bear's second pick; Baltimore/Miami depending on which decides to grab Matt Ryan and the pack of Kansas City/NYJets/St. Louis who might see a tremendous value pick in Brohm by the time the second round rolls on by.

Thusly, the Bears might see fit to draft the guy right up front in the first round, but the possibilities of this are extremely low. The Bears re-signed the Cannon and the Neckbeard for a reason and they aren't looking to spend their top pick on another QB. If Brohm sticks around until the Bears second pick, expect him to be a Bear. If not, expect Andre Woodson in the 4th or 5th round.

Cubs Preview 3/12/08

Roster Spot 19- P-Scott Eyre #47
Ht:6'1'' Wt: 215 (oh come on) Bats: Left Throws: Left

Hefty man

I know what you're thinking, "please don't be so lame as to use the 'Scott Eyre' has ADHD so thats why he had such a different first and second half last season last year, he had trouble paying attention LOL' joke!" Well, I'm not. Personally I blame Scott Eyre's bad first half on being a fat, lazy, mediocre reliever. His blistering hot second half? Well, still fat, but after seeing the fate of Will Ohman and fearing losing his job to the wrath of Lou Piniella, a lot less lazy and more effective. Eyre's stats for 2007:

First Half: 27 games, 30 innings pitched, 0-1, 6.60 era.

Second Half: 28 games, 22.1 inn., 2-0, 0.81 era.

Total: 52 games, 52.1 inn., 2-1, 4.13 era.

Pretty much anyone who watched the Cubs last year saw the disaster that was Scott Eyre when he would waddle from the bullpen to the mound with his gasoline can in his hands, determined to set fire to the whole situation. This was no more evident than on April 18 when he gave up 3 runs in only 2/3 of an inning and the Cubs lost the game against the Atlanta Braves 8-6. Everytime he made his way into the game Cub fans either held their breath or screamed "oh fuck no, its Scott Eyre!"

Then, post all-star break Eyre responded by being nearly untouchable, giving up all of 2 runs in his 28 appearances, finishing the season with a 19 game scoreless appearance streak.

So who will we see in 2008? First half tubby or second half tubby? Well his spring numbers indicate the former, as he's 0-1 with a 9.82 era in four games. But spring numbers are always circumspect, as I doubt Derrek Lee will hit .143 this season, and really they only are taken in to account for guys battling for a roster spot. Scott's spot, unfortunately, is guaranteed so we'll have to wait and see. My guess is we can expect Scott to be neither the fiasco of April-June or the stud of July-October, but more of a consistently mediocre guy with an era hovering in the 3.50-4.50 range all year.

Cubs Preview #2- 3/11/08

Roster Spot 20- C- Henry "Hank White" Blanco #24
Ht:5'11'' Wt: "220" (bullsh*t) Bats: Right Throws: Right

Such grace..such poise..

To have been a Cubs fan since the 2005 season is to have witnessed the rise of one of baseball's greatest heroes. Henry "Hank White" Blanco is more than just a ballplayer. Hank is hope in human form. When we see his mulleted head, his tribal arm tattoos, and his wispy goatee kneeling down behind the plate, we know that we have a damn good, if not guaranteed, chance to win that ball game. From the moment of Hank's arrival, he has inspired his own fervently devoted group of Cub followers, the Hank White Fan Club. (http://hankwhitefanclub.wordpress.com/)

While that group, with its hallmarks such as the Hank White Equivalent Batting Average, and the Hank-o-Meter can give far better justice to our warrior, I shall do my best.

But if Hank is this team's greatest player, you ask, how can he not even be the starter at catcher? Hank's rare combination of good looks, powerful throwing arm, and poise at the plate cannot be unleashed every day. No, he must be reserved for the situation that is truly his calling: Carlos Zambrano.

Except on opening day, whenever Carlos strides the mound this year you'll most likely see Hank walking out to home plate. Together they are the Cubs unbeatable Latin Gladiator duo. If Carlos is indeed El Torro, or The Bull, as he has named himself (and everyone else fell in line in sheer terror), then Hank is The Matador, for only he can truly tame Carlos. Many would say that the rise in Carlos' era and losses last year can be attributed to his contract situation, I attest it solely to the fact that Hank spent most of the campaign on the DL and played in only 22 games. In 2005 and 2006, with Hank as his near-fulltime catcher, Carlos was 14-6 and 16-7 with era's of 3.26 and 3.41. In 2007, with Hank on the DL and Carlos left at the mercy of the Michael Barrett/Jason Kendall/Koyie Hill/Rob Bowen four-headed catching blunder, Carlos finished 18-13 with a 3.95 era.

But besides statistics, which can be manipulated by anyone to suit any purpose and 35% of people know that, Hank has one true talent for managing Carlos: Balls. I remember a game in 2005 in which Carlos was struggling to throw a strike. I mean couldn't find the strike zone with GPS. Hank responded by coming out from behind the plate, meeting with Carlos, exchanging a few words, and going back. Carlos struck out the next batter, ended the inning, was calm throughout and the Cubs won the game. What were Blanco's secret words of wisdom? Zambrano went on record as saying, quote, "Henry said he would slap me if I didn't throw a strike". The power to instill fear in the Bull himself. The power of Hank White. A power notably lacking in a certain former Cubs catcher who found himself paired up with Carlos last year, resulting in this:

Another power of Hank's not shared by most other Cub catchers include the ability to throw out baserunners. In his career Hank has thrown out nearly 43% of all attempted base stealers, well above the major league average of 27%.

Thus we come to the conclusion that Hank White=Baseball God. But why no start? Well, Hank is a weary man, who has come to the conclusion that he must extend his greatness beyond the baseball world soon, and has graciously decided to stay along with the Cubs long enough to train their current starter and his apprentice, Geovany Soto. I mean seriously, is there any better mentor for this guy:

Than this guy:

Viva Hank White!

UFC Time with Iggins!: Anderson Silva edition.

Well, Kratos finally got fed up with mortals and left to stay somewhere up on Mount Olympus. He was muttering something about Anderson Silva. In any case, I'll be bringing you MMA knowledge from now on so let's get it started:

• Speaking of Anderson "The Spider" Silva, apparently he wants to fight Roy Jones Jr. Roy has been the one megastar of the boxing world who has actually praised the UFC, and he has many times expressed interest in fighting in mixed martial arts, namely the UFC. In a strange reversal, the Spider actually wants to box Roy, in a boxing ring. For anyone who can't remember what such things look like, a boxing ring is disappointingly square. Anderson's reasons for wishing to box Roy are that he feels mixed martial artists often get dissed by boxers for not being "technical" enough, and the Spider wishes to dispel that feeling. Methinks maybe he could.

• Keeping with the special subject for today, I've heard a lot of argument about what Silva said after he beat Hendo, commending Dan Henderson but saying that, ultimately, Rich "Ace" Franklin was the superior fighter. I'm on Silva's side here: yes, during the two fights Silva has had with Ace the Spider has dominated, and during the Hendo fight Silva actually lost the first round. But if you rewatch these fights it's clear that Ace has a far superior stand-up game to Hendo, and that the Spider expected his match with Hendo to be a stand-up battle. When Silva got taken down and had his mouth and nose covered up by Hendo, obviously Henderson lost a lot of points in Silva's mind. When Silva fights, he likes to put on as much of a show for the crowd as he can, and having Henderson attempt to cover his breathing holes while laying on him for the better part of the first round visibly angered the Spider, and when the second round started he threw his proverbial gloves off and completely dominated Hendo. Hey, why not put together an Ace vs. Hendo match to settle this for real? It's not like putting anyone versus Silva is going to be an interesting fight (beyond the intense schaudenfreude).
  

• In short, I'm predicting that Roy Jones will be entering the octagon this year, more than likely at middleweight because there is simply nobody else who can fight the Spider. I would bet money that exactly when Roy gets his first fight will depend heavily on whether Brock Lesnar beats Mark Coleman at UFC 87. If Lesnar proves to be a mere novelty then Dana White (President of the UFC) will need a new big name to draw in new fans.
  

Cubs Preview 3/11/08

Roster Spot 21- P- Jon Lieber #32

Ht:6'22'' Wt:240 Bats: Left Throws: Right

Jon Lieber circa 2001: Age 6 years to ferment mediocrity

If you're like me, when you heard in January that the Cubs were bringing back their one time ace for a second go-round, you couldn't help but go back in time to the summer of 2001, when Don Baylor was manager, Sosa was in his prime and still adored, Ricky Gutierrez was second on the team in rbis, Fred McGriff was supposed to be our savior and sucked balls, and Matt Stairs brought hope to the chubby masses. In that year, Jon Lieber was as good as it gets and lead the National League in games started and innings pitched, with a 20 win campaign and an All Star invite. Jon's line for the season?


34 games, 34 games started, 232.3 innings pitched, 20-6, 3.80 era.


Which was the third season in a row in which Jon posted 200+ innings and had double digit wins, and the first in which he became a true major league ace.


Those 2001 Cubs came so close, contending for a playoff spot until the last week of the season before wilting and finishing a respectable 88-74, and with Lieber and the then healthy Kerry Wood as the bedrocks of their staff, the Cubs looked forward to contending in 2002.


But, as always happens with the Cubs, the wheels fell off for both the team and Lieber. With the Cubs falling to 65-97, Jon struggled to a 6-8 record through his first 21 starts of the year before blowing out his elbow.

After having Tommy John surgery to repair the elbow, Lieber spurned the Cubs contract offer and signed a two year deal with the Yankees and spent the 2003 season recuperating before leading the Yankees in wins with 14 in 2004. Lieber then bounced to the Philadelphia Phillies where he did even better by posting a 17 win season and looked to be the same pitcher of 2001. Then in 2006 Lieber fell to 9-11, and entered the 2007 fighting to keep his spot in the Phillies rotation, failed, and was sent to the bullpen. After managing to land in the rotation once more due to injuries to several other members of the rotation, Lieber went a mediocre 3-6 with a 4.73 era before ending his season prematurely with a torn ankle ligament, and was released by the Phillies in October.


So, twice stricken with season-ending injuries and coming off of the least productive season of his career, Jon rejoined the team where he enjoyed his greatest success, and once more finds himself fighting for a rotation spot. Due to the recent strong outings by Ryan Dempster and Marquis, Lieber is more than likely going to find himself in the bullpen when the season starts.
Once the ace, now the sixth best starting option. Its not entirely stupid to wish for the old Lieber again, and to think that he's still only 2 seasons removed from a 17 win campaign. But 2001 is gone, Sosa is retired, and reality is reality, and that reality is that this is not the Jon Lieber we knew.

Cubs Preview #2 3/10/08

I have to do two of these today and tomorrow each to get caught up in the "one each day till opening day" groove because weekends tend to keep my away from the computer. So onto..

Roster Spot #22- P- Michael Wuertz #43
Ht: 6'3'' Wt:205 Bats: Right Throws:Right

I remember your rookie year, Michael, you were no star

Michael Wuertz is now in what will be his fourth year in his semi-permanent position as the Cubs right handed specialist/slider specialist/6th inning guy. Wuertz is also still in his semi-permanent position as the least interesting personality on the team (though Rich Hill tries). Wuertz first came up with the Cubs in 2004 as a rookie, and was promptly cast in to the fire by Dusty Baker, who was desperate to shed his "doesn't play young guys" label. Wuertz responded by giving up 13 runs in his first 20 games (17 innings) to wind up with a first half era of 6.75 era. Wuertz did redeem himself in the second half, however, finally managing to get his devastating slider to work at the major league level. Wuertz' numbers since the 2004 second half show the drastic change from rookie schlup to bullpen fixture:

2004 (2nd half): 11 games, 11 innings, 1-0, 0.77 era.

2005: 75 games, 75.7 innings, 6-2, 3.81 era.

2006: 41 games, 40.7 innings, 3-1, 2.66 era.

2007:73 games, 72.3 innings, 2-3, 3.48 era.

As you can tell from these numbers, especially the amazing correlation between apperances and innings pitched, when he enters the game Michael usually is a one-inning-only effective middle reliever. So why do Cubs fans fail to embrace him?

Because he looks like this:

Yeeesh.

Cubs Preview 3/10/08

Roster Spot #23- SS-Ronny Cedeno #5
Ht: 6'0'' Wgt:180 Bats: Right Throws: Right

Seriously..I have no fucking idea what I'm supposed to do

Alright, I'm going to be honest with you people. I originally said I was going to rank these backwards from worst to first, but really, I can't defend a stance that says Cedeno is actually better than two other baseball players on this roster. Or Anywhere. But, for whatever reason the Cubs organization still has a boner for this guy (unless we trade him for Roberts? Eh? Eh?), so he'll make the roster. Cedeno has had a fairly interesting rise out of nowhere and rapid fall from grace as a Chicago Cub. In 2005, we all heard about this amazing rookie shortstop who was tearing it up for the Iowa Cubs at a .355 avg, .403 obp, 6 hr, 48 rbi pace. At that time, the Cubs shorstop was Nomar Garciaparra so..oh...right, Nomar wasn't playing. Why was that again?

Oy, that'll do it.

After Nomar tore his laddies off trying to run out a double play, the Cubs were forced to look for options at shorstop. Neifi Perez got the first crack at the job, and rather than vent my rage toward Neifi, which would take many, many more articles, I'll just skip past his putrid numbers and discuss what happened as Neifi hit his .259, .229, .233 May, June, and July slump (or career average, whatever) and the fans began to clamor for his replacement, the young star rocking the Pacific Coast League (has anyone EVER explained why the IOWA Cubs are in the PACIFIC COAST League?). Cedeno was finally called up and tantalized the Cubs while pissing off Dusty Baker for being too young and possibly talented to be worthy of the love that Dusty bestowed upon Neifi, which lead to Neifi still playing in 154 (!) games to Ronny's 40.

Ronny's 2005: 40 games, 80 at bats, .300 avg, .356 obp, .375 slugging. 1 hr, 6 rbi.

In spring 2006 Ronny was given the starting job over Neifi by Dusty (with a lot, lot, lot of pressure from the Cubs front office no doubt) and Cubs fans had high hopes for their first legitimate shortstop since Shawon Dunston. Yes, all of our shorstops up until Ryan Theriot have sucked so badly that Shawon Dunston now looks like an actually major league ballplayer in retrospect. If you read that sentence without painful memories, you, sir, are most likely an alcoholic.

The 2006 season, as all Cub fans remember, turned into a shit fucking disaster after Derrek Lee went down in the team's 14th game and the Cubs floundered to 66-96, fired Dusty (there is good in all darkness, my sons) and Cedeno did his part to contribute to the world of suck. Cedeno's numbers in his first full season are as follows:

151 games, 534 at bats, .245 average, .271 obp, .339 slugging, 6 hrs, 41 rbi.

Cedeno was an atrocious hitter, with a lack of patience that resulted in 109 strikeouts vs only 17 walks. 17! But at least he was a good defensive shorstop?

Actually.... no. Cedeno managed to suck so badly at shorstop in making 23 errors that he was moved to second base, where he still managed to make 2 more errors, wrapping up with a solid 25 errors. For comparison, Ryan Theriot, considered to be an average quality fielding shorstop made only 11 errors last year playing shorstop, third, and second base.

By 2007 the idea of Cedeno starting was laughable to everyone in the Cubs organization, especially under new, no-nonsense (read: not an idiot. also read: not Dusty Baker) manager Lou Piniella, and yet Cedeno somehow still managed to make the team as the backup shorststop behind Cesar Izturis (forget about Cesar? you lucky bastard). After Cesar proved himself just as inept as Ronny and Lou skipped over Cedeno in the shorstop rotation and made Theriot the starter, Cesar found himself in Pittsburgh and Ronny found himself back in Iowa. Cedeno made a brief appearnce back with the club during the second half, playing the key roles of "live body" and "guy who runs for Daryle Ward".

Ronny's 2007:
38 games, 74 at bats, .203 avg., .231 obp, .392 slugging, 4 hrs, 13 rbis.

So you're probably wondering why he's still on the team for what looks to be a fourth consecutive season. Maybe, you say, he can run well and steal a few bases for a team that tends to lack speed outside of Soriano, Pie, Theriot, and hopefully Fukudome?

Well, Cedeno has managed to translate the 85 stolen bases of his minor league career into 11 stolen bases in the majors. He's also managed to be caught 9 times. So out of 20 major league steal attempts, Cedeno has been successful only on 55%. That's over half, so good, right? He's at least successful more often than not, even if its only marginal? Well, actually the major league average for stolen base percentage in 2007 was 74%. So Ronny's only 19% below average in that category, a marked improvement over his 100% below in every other.

So now we've established that Cedeno sucks at 1) Hitting 2) Getting on Base 3) Fielding 4) Baserunning

So what's left to prove that Cedeno has no place on a major league roster? His pure, unadulterated stupidity. During a game against the St. Louis Cardinals, with the Cubs down 2-1 in the bottom of the 9th, Cedeno enters the game as a pinch-runner. On a pitch to Jacque Jones, Cedeno tries to steal second base. Jones walks on the pitch, so Cedeno is automatically safe at 2nd, right? Wrong.

Cedeno overslides second base on his phantom steal and manages to get tagged out. On a walk. 2 out, Cubs lose.

So there you have it. Ronny Cedeno is not a major league baseball player. This spring he's hitting a whopping .190 with no homers and 1 rbi, and Lou is trying him in the outfield to give him the ability to suck at three different positions. What, it's not fair to use his spring numbers against him? Derrek Lee is hitting only .143 this spring? Right, well, when Ronny hits .317 with a .400 obp like Derrek did, he can take the spring off too.

I hate you Ronny.

UFC Time with Kratos, God of War

Count yourselves among the lucky pitiful MORTAL FOOLS, for with resurrection of this site, so have I RESURRECTED in order to give you the ONLY OPINION THAT MATTERS about the UFC.

UFC 81 seems long since passed but allow me to gloat that I PREDICTED the third round victory by Minotauro Nogeira. What I DID NOT predict was that fans would CHEER and not JEER Tim Sylvia. Perhaps you PITIFUL creatures finally realized you hate him for NO REASON?

• In the only other match that mattered AT ALL Brock Lesnar beat the SHIT out of Frank Mir, and then FOOLISHLY let Frank grab a hold of his LEG which brought about an INSTANTANEOUS and VERY PAINFUL ankle-lock submission win for Mir. Take my advice, Brock: LEARN SOME DAMNED JUJITSU.

UFC 82 proved, ONCE AGAIN, that the Velociraptor-hurricane-Tony Jaa-Jesus Christ-Man known as ANDERSON SILVA will never be defeated by the likes of you pitiful beings. I have officially named him SECOND IN COMMAND over my army of BALROGS, GORGONS, AND general MALCONTENTS.

look for a post LATER as Kratos gives his picks for UFC 83 and breaks down the rest of the action from UFC 82.

The "This better not be an O-lineman" Bears draft choice at #14 of the day.

Rashard Mendenhall, RB, University of Illinois




For the first possible pick for the Bears at spot #14 we have this talented RB from Illinois, whom I still hate. Sure, the Bears need a quarterback to compete with the failure that is Rex Grossman and the mediocrity of Kyle Orton, but getting a quarterback in the first round this year is just the same as getting one in the second or third, and settling for the 3rd or even 4th best o-lineman here would just be plain stupidity.

Rashard Mendenhall is 1)Fast, 2)Strong, 3)Elusive, 4)A Human Truck-Stick, 5)A reliable ball-handler, 6)A Mac. Besides McFadden this guy is the best RB in the draft, and the Bears need a running game FAR MORE than they need a passing game. This is my suggested first round pick.

Cubs Preview 3/7/08

Roster Spot #24- Sean Marshall/Kevin Hart
Just like yesterday, I'm not sure which of these two will lock up a spot, maybe even both will so here's another twofer.

P- Sean Marshall #45

Uh..Sean...that's not the mound

Height: 6'7'' Weight:205 Bats: Left Throws: Left

2007: 21 Games, 19 games started, 7-8, 3.97 era, 1.37 whip

I really dont know why the Cubs seem to be so opposed to having Sean in the fifth starter spot. His ERA was better than all three of his competitors, Marquis, Dempster, and Lieber last year and he seems to be a relatively talented young pitcher, who took the majority of starts in the fifth spot after the end of the disaster that was Wade Miller last May, and performed well, especially for an end of the rotation guy. However, the Cubs organization just doesn't trust him, having gone so far as to trade for the rotting corpse of Steve Trachsel (mother fucking Steve Trachsel!) last September to keep Sean from starting key games in September. Not only that, but the entire Cubs organization and its fans seem to have renamed Sean as Trade Bait, as every single trade rumor involving the Cubs has Sean being shucked. Seriously, ask any Cubs fan who knows the roster about a trade they want to see the team make and see how quickly they say "well if we give them Marshall...". They'll say it every time.

P- Kevin Hart #22

Height: 6'4'' Weight: 215

2007: 8 games, 0 starts, 11.0 innings pitched. 0-0, 0.82 era, 1.00 whip.

Kevin was a surprise to the Cubs organization last year, winning its Minor League Pitcher of the Year award and earning a September call up to the big league club, where he posted those solid numbers in a very short sample of games. Hart was impressive enough to make his way onto the postseason roster for the Cubs, but did not make an appearance against the Diamondbacks. Hart is currently competing for one of the bullpen spots, and has so far had a very good spring, having not allowed a run in three games. Chances are he'll make the final cut as a middle reliever.

Chicago Cubs Season Preview 3/6/08

As I mentioned a long, long while ago, I can not wait for baseball season, which holds a lot of promise for our Chicago Cubs this year. In order to properly express my excitement, and to make the days go by till opening day a bit faster, I shall take the remaining 25 baseball-less days to do a one player a day preview of the 2008 Chicago Cubs roster. These will the 25 candidates that are considered most likely to make the roster, pending any sudden cuts, injuries, signings or trades (translation: Please, Baltimore, quit being bastards and make the trade. Give us Brian Roberts).

Another feature of our Cubs coverage this year will be the 1st Annual Matt Stairs Award for Loveable Mediocrity. For those of you who did not watch the 2001 Chicago Cubs, or have weak memories, Matt Stairs was a hefty, .250 hitting 1st baseman whose "hustle" and work ethic endeared him to the Chicago fans, especially when compared to his replacement, the lazy, statue-like, "defense? I don't play no stinkin' defense" bastard Fred McGriff. So in honor of this portly hero:


We have decided to initiate an end of the season award that will be given to the Chicago Cub who meets (but dares not exceed) the standard of mediocre statistics and yet inexplicably winning behavior set by Stairs himself.


The following Qualifications must be met in order to compete for this award:

Position Players:

1. Must appear in over half of the team's games (81).

2. Batting Average must fall in the .250-.280 range, while home runs cannot exceed 20 and RBIs may not exceed 70, as the Matt himself batted .250 with 17 homers and 61 rbis during his campaign with the Cubs.

Pitchers:

1. Must make at least 20 appearances.

2.ERA must be between 4.00 and 4.99

For Everyone:

3. The Cubs record in the player's appearances must be over .500. (Matt in 2001: 71-57)

4. The player cannot have one of the top 10 salaries on the team, as we're not here to reward underachievement by the superstars, but mediocrity by the little guys. (True, Matt himself was #9, but considering that the Cubs payroll was far smaller in those days and Sosa's contract counted for like, 6 of everyone elses, we'll make 10 the bar.)

Based upon the salary factor, the following players are eligible:

Henry (Hank White) Blanco, C
Daryle Ward, 1B/PH
Michael Wuertz, P
Matt Murton, OF
Ronny Cedeno, SS/2B
Rich Hill, P
Ryan Theriot, SS
Sam Fuld, OF
Felix Pie, CF
Kevin Hart, P
Jon Lieber, P
Sean Marshall, P
Billy Petrick, P
Neal Cotts, P
Carmen Pignatiello, P
Geovany Soto, C
Erik Patterson, OF

The list will of course be trimmed after Spring Training to remove those players that do not make the final roster. Standings will be posted at the end of each week, ranking the players based on their performances. The final award will be made after the last game of the regular season.

Now on to the previews themselves, which I will count backwards, 25-1, from the worst player on the roster to the best. Once more, these are my guesses as to who will actually be on the 25 man roster after cuts, so if I miss one or two, who cares, it'll be the shitty players anyways.

Roster Spot #25: Mike Fontenot/Sam Fuld
I'm really not sure which one of these guys will make the final roster, so I'll just do a brief bit on both.

2B-Mike Fontenot#17


Height: 5'8'' Weight: 170 lbs Bats: Left Throws: Left

2007 Stats: .278 avg, 3 hrs, 29 rbis, .336 obp, .402 slg, 5 stolen bases.

Fontenot was acquired in the 2005 trade that Sammy Sosa to the Orioles. He saw actions in a few games that year, spent the 2006 season in the minors, and was called up to the Cubs on May 15 after batting .336 for the AAA Iowa Cubs. During his first month in the majors Fontenot went on a tear, batting .397 with a .422 obp during the month of June. Fontenot hit all 3 of his homers in that month and 25 of his 29 rbis. But that would be the last month of the "good" Fontenot.


Fontenot followed up his blistering June with July, August, September/October averages of .211, .208, .233, with 0 homers and 4 rbis. 4! In three months!

This spring Fontenot has tried to boost his chances of making the team by expanding his range and trying to play shortstop, third base, and the outfield, and is batting .429 with a homer and four rbis.


OF- Sam Fuld #27

Height:5'10'' Weight: 180 Bats: Left Throws: Left

2007 Stats: .000 avg, 0 hrs, o rbis, .333 obp, .000 slug.

Fuld has become a "fan favorite" at Wrigley Field after his brief 14 game stint with the team last September. By "fan favorite" I mean women love him because he's "dreamy" and nonsensical Cubs fans who wouldn't know a stat book if it hit them in the ass love him because he "hustles" and had one amazing catch last year. One. Anyone who really thinks this guy, whose minor league numbers (especially power numbers) are nowhere near as impressive as Felix Pie's and who has ZERO career hits is a better option as the starter in center field represents whats wrong with most Cubs fans. You don't score runs with grit, hustle, or "sticktoitiveness" damnit. These are the same people who defended Alex Gonzalez, Corey Patterson, and Kyle Farnsworth. I hate you all.

Honestly, Compare the numbers:

Fuld (Minors):318 games, .296 avg., 12 hrs, 106 rbis, 52 stolen bases

Pie (Minors):541 games, .300 avg., 51 hrs, 257 rbis,106 stolen bases

Granted, Fuld's minor league stats are nothing to laugh at and he may make a solid leadoff hitter someday. But also so might Pie. A leadoff hitter with more speed (Fuld's only really viable asset) and more power. Even if one projects Fulds stats out to the same number of games played as Pie his numbers dont come close. So please people, quit plugging for Fuld.

Update: The "Seriously, We Did Remember We Had This Thing" Edition

Hello again, from the Start Kyle Orton crew. Really I'm not so sure I really am wholeheartedly devoted to the name of this website, as I'm currently supporting Rex in the QB competition. Which leads to my first comment on a brief round-up of what has happened with the Bears since we left you.

-The Rex re-signing and the Kyle contract extension were both good moves by the Bears. The training camp competition between the two might just be the first Legitimate quarterback contest the Bears have had in years. Personally I favor Rex, as, I believe, does Lovie. Rex is the guy the Bears have had faith in all along, and they really would like this last shot at hoping he'll be healthy/effective will work out. Kyle really is their ideal backup, as he was never meant to replace Rex, but to be a back up with similar attributes and skill sets to Rex's that would allow him to step in in case of a Rex injury and keep the same playbook.

-A better move was ditching Griese. Thank God. Good luck with Gruden, Brian, you shall Not be missed.

- Lance Briggs was a must-have and I'm glad the Bears didn't let him get away. That money was far, far better spent on Briggs than Berrian and its great that Angelo prioritized properly. Oh, and Berrian? Since when is a receiver whose among the league leaders in dropped passes and has never had a 1,000 yd season worth 8 million a year? Fuck you.

-Marty Booker? Really? That was....unexpected. I never really warmed to Marty the first time, despite the numbers he just really didn't seem like a playmaker. We'll see how it goes this time.

- PLEASE GOD DRAFT RASHARD MENDENHALL!

- Oh and Favre is gone. A merciful God has finally granted us this. Tuesday, March 4th shall forever live as a Great Day in Bears History.

.....and that should about catch us up.

Prayer for Baseball

Chicago Bears- 7-9. Season over.

Chicago Bulls- 17-24. Season perplexing at best.

Bradley Braves- 10-10. Season Mediocre.

Iowa Hawkeyes/Illinois Fighting Illini- 9-11. Miserable.

What does that leave us with? Our only possible salvation, still two months away. The longest and most endurance-demanding of seasons for a fan. Baseball. In this Iggins! and I have chosen our team well, for we have the all-mighty.... Chicago Cubs..........fuck.

But seriously, they went to the playoffs last year and this team looks primed for a real, legitimate run this year. A run that starts March 31st. Assuming I can survive these cold, cruel, football-less months. Sometimes I watch Arena Football on ESPN. Its like shaking up the last beer can to hope that you can get enough of a buzz to last you till you have money to get another case. I need baseball. I need fire in my sports life. Fire provided by this man:

And this man:

And whatever the hell this guy provides:

Karate? A zen-like concentration? An awesome chance for me to buy a Cubs t-shirt that says "Fuk U" on the back? I know Iggins! went into a catatonic seizure the day the Cubs signed Fukudome, but that's really just because he wants to be Japanese so badly the if he weren't afraid of needles he'd have dueling samurais tattooed on his ass. Really I think this is a good signing, but one must always be aware that signing Japanese players gives you an equal chance of getting a Hideki Irabu, a Kaz Matsui, or a Shingo Takatsu instead of a Hideki Matsui, an Ichiro Suzuki or a Tadahito Iguchi. You'll note that I mentioned the suckitude of a Kaz Matsui or a Shingo Takatsu above. You'll also note that the Cubs SIGNED Takatsu and considered giving a big contract to Matsui. That ought to tell you to be wary of their Japanese player evaluating skills. But I'm willing to be optimistic on Fukudome. Mostly because I'm a Cubs fan, and thus gullible enough to be optimistic on most things they sell me. Especially this season.

Which can't come fast enough..

UFC Time with Kratos, God of War

Praise be to me, Kratos, GOD OF WAR, mortal, for I have chosen to, in my INFINITE KINDNESS, relate to you my opinions on the GOD-SPORT that is ULTIMATE FIGHTING.

UFC 79 went EXACTLY as I predicted, with Liddell beating the UNHOLY HELL out of Wanderlei "THE PUNCHING BAG" Silva. I was NOT surprised by Liddell's total DOMINATION of that Pride-fighting BITCH, but I WAS impressed by Silva's refusal to FALL. From my estimation he should have died at least THREE times in that ring, but he refused to even drop to ONE KNEE. With that kind of iron chin you would think the little mortal BASTARD could have mounted an OFFENSE, but Liddell quickly squashed any hopes of that. Whoever Liddell's next opponent is (perhaps Lyoto Machida, more on him LATER) had best HIDE under a LARGE ROCK because that man is ON A MISSION to fight RAMPAGE again.

The Undercard (You see how I made Liddell vs. Silva the main event?) also went as I predicted aside from the Sokudjou (more like SokuBITCH) match. St. Pierre absolutely ANNIHILATED Matt "BibleBITCH" Hughes, and even showed incredible CLASS by refusing the title until he pulverized MATT SERRA at UFC 83. I FEAR for Matt Serra like no other mortal being. Georges also showed off an IMMACULATE tan, not only defeating Hughes in the ring, but also in LIFE. Lyoto Machida did what he always does and BORED Sokudjou to death, retaining his undefeated record, and perhaps earning a shot at a top 5 Light Heavyweight in the NEAR FUTURE (Liddell vs. Machida for a shot at Rampage/Griffin?).

UFC 80 held almost NO INTEREST to me, with only ONE match being of any IMPORTANCE, and BJ Penn submitted Joe "Daddy" Stevenson in the 2nd round, making BJ Penn, FINALLY, the lightweight champion. Lightweights interest me about as much as do PUPPIES and HUGS and I CARE for them even LESS, so let's talk about-



UFC 81, which will be held the day before the Super Bowl, has TWO interesting matches, and ONE match THAT DOES NOT MATTER AT ALL. PREDICTIONS!!!:

Tim "The Maine-iac" Sylvia vs. Antonio "Minotauro" Nogueira:
Tim Sylvia has a LONG HISTORY of WINNING and LOSING this title (Won from Ricco Rodriguez, defends against Gan McGee but loses title due to testing positive for 'roids, beat in a match for the vacant title belt by Frank Mir, beat by Andrei Arlovski for the title after Frank Mir crashes his motorcycle (and Frank is just now getting back), beats Andrei Arlovsky to gain title, beats Andrei again, beats Jeff Monson, loses to Randy Couture.) SEE? IT IS LONG. The problem for Sylvia will be the number TWO ranked Heavyweight IN THE WORLD, Minotauro Nogeira. Sylvia fights out of the Quad Cities, Iggins! HOME-TOWN, but that is NOT ENOUGH to give him the nod here: Minotauro by TKO in the third.



Frank "I Wrecked My Bike" Mir vs. Brock "ARGH!" Lesnar:
This fight is absolutely TEEMING with plot-lines. Frank Mir's title run was cut short by the MERCILESS hands of FATE when he wrecked his motorcycle, and now he has a chance, THREE YEARS LATERISH, to get into position to reclaim it by beating Brock Lesnar. If you don't know who Brock Lesnar is, then DO NOT tell me, for I will KILL YOU for your TOTAL LACK of knowledge. Lesnar was a WWE STAR and tried out for the Minnesota Vikings-ahem-BITCHES before training for an eventual MMA career. His career began with a RIDICULOUSLY FAST knockout of a random ASIAN, and Dana White immediately SIGNED HIM UP. Frank Mir is battle-tested, but Brock is the WILDEST of WILD-CARDS, and, due also to his ABSOLUTELY MASSIVE MUSCLES, I will pick Brock Lesnar to win in the first by KO.

Jeremy Horn vs. Nate Marquardt:
This does not matter AT ALL. Neither could beat Anderson Silva. EVER. Marquardt by split decision in the third.

UNTIL NEXT TIME, MORTALS!!