Prognostication Bukakke, Bonus Rounds

While my victory over Iggins! this year will stand for all time as one of history's great massacres, I am a merciful king and have decided to run out the rest of the NFL season in order to give him a measure of redemption since, as he states, he was "only" nine games back in that category. However, the fact that Iggins! was defeated last week by my lady-friend amused me, and I have decided that these last four weeks will actually be a three-horse race for a conciliatory prize that might give Iggins! a slight measure of redemption, but he'll probably lose because he's a sad excuse for man. Either way, the new standings, based solely on last week's NFL picks:

Code Red: 13-3
Mrs. Code Red: 11-5
Iggins!: 10-6

To this week:

Colts @ Titans
Code Red: I think the Colts will manage to overcome what I’m sure will be another Manning interception or seven to beat the punchless Titans. Colts win.

Iggins!: Manning has really fallen to pieces, and the Titans have the Colts’ bane, a great RB. Titans will win.

Mrs. Code Red: Well, the Titans have lost their last five games and the Colts have only lost their last three, so I’ll go with the Colts. Plus I still like Manning, even though I’m pretty sure I’m not really allowed to.

Code Red: It's not necessarily outlawed. It's just strongly discouraged. We're not talking about Favre here.

Buccaneers @ Redskins
Iggins!: The Bucs are maddeningly consistent. They’ll beat the Redskins.

Code Red: And the 'Skins are just maddening. I'll take the Bucs as well, but the usual Redskins caveat remains that they may win a game they have no business winning for reasons no one can explain.

Mrs. Code Red: Since both teams are pretty mediocre, I’ll take the Bucs take it because I like their cheerleader’s outfits.

Browns @ Bills
Code Red: The Bills can’t stop the run very well, which is the only reason I’m going to go ahead and say that the Browns will overcome the fact that Jake Delhomme is starting again to win this game. Browns win.

Iggins!: The Bills looked terrible against the Vikings. I’ll take the Browns.

Mrs. Code Red: Browns. The Bills are really bad. Even I know that.

Giants @ Vikings
Iggins!: I’ll take the Giants, but if Tarvaris Jackson plays I think the Vikings will end up winning.

Code Red: Why? The Giants aren't a great team, but they're a good team. T-Jack had 3 picks, one for a Bills TD, and has never been good at any point in his career. The fact that he's better than Favre doesn't actually make him capable of beating good teams. Rex Grossman is better than Favre at this point. Giants win.

Mrs. Code Red: You've trained me well—I can’t stand Brett Favre and I haven’t even ever really watched him play. For that reason, I will take the Giants.

Code Red: It wasn't me. Brett Favre-hate is engrained in all of us from birth. It's a noble calling within our very blood.

Packers @ Lions
Code Red: I’m sure the Packers will beat the Lions by a small margin just like last time and the media will ignore it while continuing to make up some bullshit about a seven yard penalt y being the only reason the Bears escaped the Lions. Packers win.

Iggins!: The Lions almost beat everybody, and fail to beat almost everybody. I’ll take the Packers.

Mrs. Code Red: Lions fans need to realize that they just aren’t very good. It isn’t because of a lucky break every time a team beats you. It’s because they’re better. I don’t like whiney fans, so Packers win.

Raiders @ Jaguars
Iggins!: The Raiders showed a lot of life last week, and the Jags are in for a letdown, so I’ll take Oakland to win.

Code Red: I'm picking the Jaguars because they're at home, because I want the Colts to miss the playoffs, and because I still hate the f*&king Raiders.

Mrs. Code Red: This might be a good game? I feel bad that people always talk about how bad the Raiders are, especially when they aren’t even that horrible this year. I’m going to go with the underdogs just for fun. Raiders win.

Code Red: NO! NO ONE FEELS SORRY FOR THE OAKLAND RAIDERS!

Bengals @ Steelers
Code Red: Sigh. There are no breaks for the Bengals. They have to go to Pittsburgh this week, have another match against a superior Browns team, then have to face the Chargers and go on the road against Baltimore. They’re likely looking at a 13 game losing streak to close the season. Cripes. Steelers win.

Iggins!: Steelers win. There needs to be a lot of firing and releasing done in Cincinnati.

Mrs. Code Red: Back when my family of Mass-holes made me watch Pats football when I was little, they played the Steelers in the AFC Championship game. Our neighbors happened to be die-hard Steelers fans and an all-out war broke out between the families. I always remember that the Steelers were really good, so even though this is over a decade later, I still automatically think Steelers=good. So Steelers win.Code Red: Yeah, but from an early age I still remember Pats=Fuck them.

Falcons @ Panthers
Iggins!: Falcons win.

Code Red: Redundant. Falcons win.

Mrs. Code Red: Is this even a real game? Why are the Panthers even bothering showing up?
Falcons win hands down.

Seahawks @ 49ers
Code Red: Oh hell, I don’t know. I’ll take Alex Smith having the game of his life against a crappy Seahawks pass defense for the upset. 49ers win.

Iggins!: Is that an upset? I hate this division so much. 49ers win.

Mrs. Code Red: I’m going to go with the Seahawks because I like the Mariners uniform colors and they’re from the same city.

Code Red: Well, that makes sense, because the Mariners don't totally suck or anything either.

Rams @ Saints
Iggins!: The Saints have turned back into the Super Bowl team they were last year after a shaky period. Saints win.

Code Red: Indeed. Even if they hadn't they'd be able to pummel the damn Rams. Saints win.

Mrs. Code Red: Is Drew Brees’s baby still cute? Oh he is? Okay. Saints win.

Code Red: With another on the way! Keep 'em coming, Breesus. Your progeny shall also someday be incredibly accurate and charming NFL quarterbacks.

Patriots @ Bears
Code Red: I would be lying if I said this game didn’t scare me more than any they’ve played this year. Hell, I was extremely confident of a victory over the Eagles. The Patriots defense has been dogshit outside of Monday’s annihilation of Rico Mirerez, and they still gave up over 300+ yds and a 5.0 yards per rush average against the Jets despite allowing only three points. I’ll take the home team with the combination of Awesome Defense/Average Offense (It’s an upgrade from shitty, which is where they were before the bye) over Awesome Offense/Crappy Defense. Bears win 30-23.

Iggins!: I would take the over on this game, whatever it is. I’m taking the Bears because it’s at Soldier Field, final score something like 38-34.

Mrs. Code Red: Am I even allowed to choose against the Bears? Logically I sort of want to say that the Pats will win and this could be my chance to choose them and get one up on the boys who are too loyal to say the Bears won’t win, but I think I’d be killed. So Bears win…maybe. Maybe could I get half a point if the Bears win and half a point if the Pats win?Code Red: No. Choose, dammit. Go with your black heart and pick the Pats if you want, Judas. But you must choose.

Mrs. Code Red: Fine. I'll take the Bears.

Code Red: Good. Remember, once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.

Broncos @ Cardinals
Iggins!: So the worst division in the AFC and the worst division in the NFC have a game betwee the worst two teams within their divisions. If this game isn’t blacked out these fanbases need to be slapped. Broncos…win?

Code Red: It truly is wretched. Someone asked Cutler what he thought of McDaniels getting the axe and he replied that it wasn't his concern. God dammit, Jay. Go for the dagger. None of that "bigger person shit." I'll pick the Broncos so McD can feel like even more of a failure.

Mrs. Code Red: Well this should be fun. What happens when two really not good teams square off head to head? I’m not sure. I’ll go with the Broncos I guess, because I hate the Cardinals (not the football team, the baseball one).

Dolphins @ Jets
Code Red: For all of their many faults, the Dolphins still have a good secondary that can further wreck Mirerez’s shit and I don’t expect the Jets to have put it all back together yet. Dolphins win.

Iggins!: Pfft. Jets win.

Mrs. Code Red: Apparently I’m missing something, because as far as I can tell, the Jets should win…? So even though something must be up for Code Red to pick the Dolphins (a mediocre team that he highly dislikes), I’ll go with the Jets.

Code Red: It's called the Patriots made them their bitch and they're overrated and I hate their overrated QB and his stupid overrated face. THAT's what's up.

Chiefs @ Chargers
Iggins!: The Chargers looked like junk last week and the Chiefs defense won’t be any easier. I’ll take the Chiefs to lock up the AFC West.

Code Red: I think the Chiefs still win the division, but the Chargers will get it back together at home. Chargers win

Mrs. Code Red: I can’t really believe that a team from Kansas City is actually accomplishing anything in any sport at all. Living around a lot of Royals fans, it’s really hard for me to grasp that there are teams from KC that win occasionally. But apparently there are, so I pick the Chiefs.

Code Red: To be fair, it's a recent development.

Eagles @ Cowboys
Code Red: I heard a Cowboys fan on the radio last night calling this the GAME OF THE WEEK with the typical arrogance once can expect from that franchise. Buddy, there are nine games out there in which both teams have at least a slim hope of reaching the playoffs. This isn’t one of them. Dallas sucks. Eagles win.

Iggins!: Dallas looks a lot better, but Vick is gonna rip their shit. Eagles win.

Mrs. Code Red: Eagles win. The Eagles are good, the Cowboys are not. Plus I dislike Tony Romo, whether he’s playing or not. I’m not sure why, he just really annoys me.

Code Red: Well, most of all it's that all Cowboys quarterbacks are inherently hateable. Except Quincy Carter. We miss you, Quincy Carter, get off the blow and get back to football so you can tank some more Cowboys seasons and remind us all of why Jerry Jones shouldn't actually run a football team.

Ravens @ Texans
Iggins!: The AFC South is pure mediocrity, but I’m looking for an improving Texans team to win this game… then promptly lose their last 3. Texans win.

Code Red: What exactly makes the Texans "improving"? Ravens win.

Mrs. Code Red: I’m not even going to try to guess based on any sort of statistics or logic here. I will never be able to accept “Texans” as a mascot. No. Ravens win.

Code Red: It won a fan vote, though. Which is bullshit. You let me name an NFL franchise and I'll mobilize a million voters tomorrow for the Houston Cthulhus.

Bulls 88 - Cavaliers 83 (plus rewind)

Two games, two wins. The first, 99-90 Bulls over the Thunder, was an almost complete domination of a great team. Tonights game was far less dominating, but for some reason the Bulls love to tease the bottom-dwellers, then let D. Rose pull the rug out from under them in the 4th. 12-8 and looking very good going into Friday night's game against the champs, let's see what went right and wrong Monday and Wednesday.

Bulls:

-Derrick Rose and Carlos Boozer have started connecting. Most obvious in the game versus the Thunder, these two hooked up early and often, which lead to a Boozer dominated night on Monday. They clearly don't quite have it all down, as demonstrated by Derrick's absence from the offense against the Thunder, and by Boozer's disappearing act against the Cavs tonight, but overall these two are coming together much faster than anticipated.

-Joakim Noah is proving why he is worth more than Melo to this team. 14.9 ppg, 12.2 rpg, 1.5 bpg, 1.2 steals per game and 3 assists per game. Not only are his stats great and surprisingly well-rounded, he also does many things the stat sheet doesn't cover. He cleans up Derrick's misses, he changes shots defensively, and he frustrates teams into bad shots consistently.

-Ronnie Brewer and Kyle Korver have both outperformed Keith Bogans by leaps and bounds all season. Just tonight Brewer ended with 9 points, 8 rebounds, and 6 steals in 30 minutes played, but maybe most importantly the Bulls were +20 with him on the court. Korver has been a consistent scorer and a go-to guy for clutch shots when he plays. Bogans has disappeared. It's time to make a switch.

Bears:

- Rose and Boozer are still off. Their cohesion is obviously a work in progress. The Bulls need them to both play well in a game instead of one of them sacrificing good play for the other. Even against the Thunder, when they looked great, Rose went 3-11 from the field and was clearly forcing himself to pass instead of create. Derrick can't have that hesitation when Boozer is on the floor, and it will go away with time, but right now the Bulls are destined to be hit and miss like they have been the last two games (which is much better than the previous few games, and a fairly quick turnaround considering they've had such little time playing together).

-Free throw shooting. This team is a very bad free throw shooting team. The only really good free throw shooter is Korver at a shade under 89%, CJ Watson follows with 83%, and after that everybody is below 80% on the season. There generally isn't much one can do to fix FT%, but this could be a seriously glaring weakness for the team down the road, potentially costing the Bulls some games.

After the Lakers on Friday the Bulls have some pretty smooth sailing for the next month, so Boozer and Rose will be able to work out their teamwork then. 12-8 could easily balloon to 26-10 very quickly, let's hope that's the case. See you Friday night at the UC.

That's Two, Mother F*%kers.

Artist Rendition of Code Red Lording it Over Iggins!

Now that the college regular season has ended, so has the 2010 Prognostication Bukakke Season. I'm still mulling over whether we'll forecast the bowl games and the rest of the NFL season for funsies. Probably. The important thing, however, is that while my lead was never in doubt, during the week I posted a 6-4 NCAA and 13-3 NFL mark over Iggins!' 5-5 and 10-6 marks, increasing my lead to a whopping 25 games. The final standings:

Code Red, Two-Time Champion and God Among Men: 148-73 (.670%) (85-46 NFL, 63-27 NCAA)

Iggins!, The Sum of All Thing Bitch: 123-98 (.560%) (76-49 NFL, 47-43 NCAA)

Hell, for good measure, let's look at the standings for last week alone:

Code Red: 19-7 (13-3 NFL, 6-4 NCAA)
Mrs. Code Red: 16-10 (11-5 NFL, 5-5 NCAA)
Iggins!: 15-11 (10-6 NFL, 5-5 NCAA)

While far removed from the playgrounds of my childhood, I cannot resist this eternal taunt:
Dude, you got beat by a GIRL.

Add this to last year's championship, won by the respectable margin of 9 games, and Iggins hasn't come within 34 games of my absolute dominance. Stick to basketball, chump.

Bow to your sensei.

Around the NFL, Week 13

Eagles 34, Texans 24

I was actually impressed that the Texans kept this game close. I was hardly surprised, however, when they stumbled all over each other to see who would be the first to bend over and collapse the second they had a fourth quarter lead. Meanwhile, the Eagles offense is still good. I would love to see a playoff rematch against Vick and co., provided that it comes at Soldier Field.

Browns 13, Dolphins 10

Jake Delhomme did not throw an interception. In fact, he threw more TDs than INTs in a game for just the 3rd time in his last 15 starts. Jake Delhomme sucks, people. Congrats on the win though. Awesome to see Chad Henne (3 INTs in this game, 12:15 TD:INT ratio on the season) keeping up the fine tradition of Michigan QBs not named Brady sucking royally in the NFL. Keep it up, Chad. You're a regular Elvis Grbac!

Packers 34, 49ers 16

You're next in the firing line, Singletary.

Chiefs 10, Broncos 6

Knowshon Moreno finally has a breakout game, going for 160 yards...and Orton goes 9/28 for 117 yards. Not to be deterred, McDaniels throws the ball seven straight times in Chiefs territory while trying to get in position for the game-winning score. And you wonder why McD got fired. No wait, you don't. Everyone knows why. It's because he was a terrible coach in every single facet of the game who alienated his players, traded away all of his offensive talent, did nothing to fix a horrible defense, and set an entire franchise back for years. Thank you for the quarterback, though. Much love, brah.

Seriously, though, I can't wait to see what the next Broncos head coach does with Tebow. Most of the league thought absolutely nothing of his chances at this level and almost every head coach wants his own QB anyway. I hope they hire Gruden and he decides to make Timmy his project. "THIS GUY! HE RUNS LIKE A TIGHT END! AND THROWS LIKE ONE TOO!"

Vikings 38, Bills 14

Favre is expected to play, of course, so one needn't worry about Tarvaris Jackson upsetting the Bears next week. Actually, one should never worry about such a thing. Vikings still suck.

Jaguars 17, Titans 6

Okay, maybe Jeff Fisher is the next guy on the firing line. About damn time.

Giants 31, Redskins 7

Thankfully the Redskins luck has run out.

Saints 34, Bengals 30

How do you fall for the stupid hard count drill that every team has practiced since Pop Warner? Well, say hello to the Bengals.

Raiders 28, Chargers 13

Okay, the Raiders not sucking long enough to snap the INVINCIBLE LATE-SEASON CHARGERS unbeaten streak in December was pretty funny. This is what you get for saying the Chargers may be the best team in the NFL, Peter King.

Falcons 28, Buccaneers 24

Not surprisingly the Bucs lost another close one to a quality opponent. They'll be someone to watch next year. The Falcons seem to me to be a good team that's really benefitted from an easy schedule and have gotten some huge breaks against the best teams they've beaten (Hartley's missed FG against the Saints, Roddy White's uncalled push-off against the Ravens). I'm not going to be like every pundit out there who hates the Bears and accuse a 10-2 team of being a pretender, but there are some very vulnerable areas of that Falcons team. That defense doesn't intimidate anybody.

Seattle 31, Carolina 14

I was going to call this the worst game this year, but then I saw that the Panthers still have Arizona left on their schedule. Holy mother of awful.

Rams 19, Cardinals 6

Even in the pre-Whisenhunt days I don't remember the Cardinals looking this bad. Jake Plummer can't even take time out of his busy handball schedule to watch them get their asses kicked.

Cowboys 38, Colts 35

Peyton Manning has thrown as many interceptions in three games (11) as Jay Cutler has in his last thirteen. Hell, Drew Brees has 16 interceptions this year. Actually here's a list of quarterbacks who have thrown as many or more interceptions than Jay Cutler this year:

Favre (18)

Eli Manning (17)

Drew Brees (16)

Chad Henne (15)

Peyton Manning (15)

Donovan McNabb (15)

Carson Palmer (15)

Ryan Fitzpatrick (11)

David Garrard (11)

Matt Hasselbeck (11)

Shaun Hill (11)

Mark Sanchez (11)

Derek Anderson (10)

Sam Bradford (10)

Philip Rivers (10)

Aaron Rodgers has one fewer interception. Matt Ryan and Joe Flacco have two fewer. My God! How can the Bears ever win with such an erratic turnover prone quarterback!

Bitterness, thy name is me.

Steelers 13, Ravens 10

I hate both of these teams. Actually, there's not a single one of the AFC playoff contenders from the North, South, or East that doesn't make my blood boil. Go Chiefs?

Patriots 45, Jets 3

People are probably pants-shitting in Chicago over the Patriots, and, well since they always shit their pants I suppose the Patriots are as good as any team to worry about. However, while it's undeniably going to be the toughest challenge the Bears have faced yet, there's no reason to extrapolate what happened to the Jets last night to this Sunday. The Jets defense was somewhat hollow, having padded it's stats against an easy early slate and was fairly weak against the pass (15-7 TD:INT ratio Before last night), and their pass rush has struggled at times and relies almost entirely on the blitz. Tom Brady will kick your ass every time in that situation. The strategy remains the same as it was against the Eagles: stop the run, get to Brady with your front four alone, make tackles, and don't get beat deep. Rico Mirerez's total ineptitude at playing QB (his 16:8 TD:INT ratio before last night couldn't hide his mediocre numbers in every other area. His passer rating was just 81.9 (now 77.4), his YPA was a pedestrian 6.8 (now 6.6), and his completion %, as always, was pathetic for a guy who isn't asked to make that many throws (55% before last night, 54.9% now) doesn't excuse the Patriots from their 11 other games of relatively porous defense. They still allowed nearly 5.0 YPC against the run last night before the Jets had to abandon it. Should be a great game, and anyone expecting the Bears can be embarrassed can eat shit for what must be the millionth time this year.

College Football Roundup, Championship Weekend

Oklahoma 23, Nebraska 20
Nebraska had a 17 point lead before falling apart. Their offense just isn't there yet. Next year they may take another step and not self-destruct against every quality opponent. Of course, that corresponds with their move to the Big Ten. Greaat.

Auburn 56, South Carolina 17
I have no idea what to make of the Cam Newton situation. As long he's eligible, however, and he is right now, I don't see how you deny the man the Heisman. I'm very interested in his pro prospects. Not sure what to think yet where he'll fall when there are seemingly ready-made NFL passers in Luck and Mallett.

Virginia Tech 44, Florida State 33
Christian Ponder would be in the discussion with Mallett and Luck if he could ever stay healthy, yet he missed his 6th start in 2 years in what could have been the biggest game of his college career. Not that it matters, as neither one of them stood a chance against Stanford. Harbaugh will crush you.

Oregon 37, Oregon State 20
As much as I hate the BCS, this was definitely the right matchup for the national championship game. This is going to be exciting. Too bad we have to wait a month.

UConn 19, South Florida 16
And UConn is your Big East Champion. A team that had their ass handed to them by multiple scores by Temple will now go to the BCS. I'm not sure why the BCS didn't give us the usual matchup of ACC vs. Big East, at least that only makes one of those games irrelevant, but now the Orange (Stanford vs. Virginia Tech) and the Fiesta (Oklahoma vs. UConn) are foregone conclusions. Stanford vs. Oregon would have been, you know, entertaining, but the BCS hates you as much as always.

Fresno State 25, Illinois 23
I'm not one to blame officials. Illinois should have not started out down 16-0 if they wanted to win the game, but the officiating in this game certainly did them no favors. I'm not surprised Wisconsin vowed they'd never play Fresno State and its officials ever again. Either way, disappointing effort by the Illini and a sadly deserved 6-6 record. At least they get a watchable matchup against Baylor in the Texas bowl. It would be nice to win that and avoid five losing seasons out of six in the Zook Era.

Oh Hell Yes

Laugh it up, asshole. Your ass is unemployed.

Boom. Jay Cutler has to be laughing his ass off right now. I know I am. Thank you for absolutely shitting all over an organization that I will now hate for the rest of eternity solely for the trolls that it sent over here all. year. long last year. Nothing like turning Jay Cutler, Brandon Marshall, Peyton Hillis, and Tony Scheffler into one game manager and his two back up quarterbacks. You sir, have left an entire franchise in ruins with such haste that Matt Millen applauds.

Eat a dick, Josh.

Bears 24, Lions 20- IT'S A TRAP!

Give the Lions credit. They had one hell of a gameplan to utilize Drew Stanton's talents and to grit their way to some points against the Bears defense. However, that dink and dunk, manage the game style that so famously cost the Bears games the last few years isn't going to get it done this year unless your defense is good enough to shut out Cutler and company. And the Lions' defense is far from that. So, like Ackbar when he rallied and destroyed the imperial fleet and saved the galaxy, Jay Cutler, Earl Bennett, and Earl Bennett's balls of solid brass surgically dissected the Lions for most of the last three quarters and the Bears finally swatted them down in the fourth quarter. Lions fans will take their usual comfort from one questionable penalty on Suh that they think was clearly the turning point in the game (never mind the fact the Bears would have had 2nd and 2 at the 14 yard line without the penalty and had driven the ball well all day long), but, as usual, the Bears have the scoreboard on their side. The Packers won to keep pace at 8-4, but everything remains in the Bears' control.

To the recap!

THE GOOD

-Earl Mother Fuckin' Bennett: The Black Bobby Engram continued his solid play as he singlehandedly destroyed Detroit on third down. Cutler looked his way all day and Bennett responded with a career day: 7 catches for a 104 yards that had a lot to do with the Bears continued success on the most important down (5/9).

-DJ Moore: He got destroyed by Megatron on his TD, but that matchup should never have occurred anyway. Meanwhile, he played incredibly well against the rest of the Detroit offense and had some timely corner blitzes as well as a huge sack. Then he said this in the postgame
"D.J.: I mean, aint nobody wanna lose to the Lions. Jeez, Louise. But it's always good to get a win."*

God bless you, DJ.

-Matt Forte and Chester Taylor: While this game featured more of Taylor than I'd have liked, he at least averaged more than his usual nothing-per-carry average and the two combined for 97 yards and 2 TDs on the ground to go with 7 combined catches for 67 yards.

-Julius Peppers: He got sack #7 today and seemed to be the first member of the defense to step up in the second half and state that they were not going to tolerate any more bullshit.

-Brian Urlacher: This guy showed up, too, and split a sack with DJ Moore. He also threw in 16 total tackles.

- Jay Cutler: The pass blocking was atrocious, and I'm sure Jay would have loved more time to shred that terrible secondary, but he was, as I said, surgical in tearing apart the defense with short, quick throws and some backbreaking 3rd down passes till he finished at 21/26 (80.8%) for 234 YDs, 1 TD, 0 INTs, and a sexy 117 passer rating. He's now got just 11 interceptions in his last 13 starts for the Bears. That'll do, Jay.

-Second half defense: After a miserable first half they allowed just 3 pts (after a Cutler fumble that occurred within the Bears red zone) and 49 total yards. Excellent.

The Bad:

-The first half defensive line: It took them a long damn time to wear down Detroit's starting five, and in the first half they got pushed all over the field. They made the necessary adjustments though.

-J'Marcus Webb and Frank Omiyale: Cliff Avril, Frank? Cliff fucking Avril? I watch 975 games of football every week and I didn't even know who the fuck Cliff was before this game. Frank and Webb (he rotated) made him into a hall of famer. Guh. If Frank's not the first guy thrown overboard this offseason I'm going to kill something young and innocent.

-Lions fans and Tim Ryan: IT DOES NOT MATTER THAT CUTLER WAS ACROSS THE LINE OF SCRIMMAGE. THAT WASN'T ROUGHING THE PASSER, MORONS. YOU CAN'T SHOVE ANYONE, QB OR NOT, IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD. Angry caps done. Jesus, how deluded can a franchise be? Just like in the first game, try picking up a first down in the second half if you want to bitch. Your team sucks. Bad teams lose a lot of close games and let one fucking penalty wreck their shit. That's you. A bad team.

That's all for now. Going to need a better defensive effort to beat the Patriots next week, but I'm still feeling pretty good. Go Bears.

Bulls 119 - Rockets 116 (OT)

Well that was much closer than it should have been, but a W is a W as they say. You will notice there was no summary for the Celtics game, and that is because it was essentially a slightly better played version of the Magic game, so remove some of the hate and read the Magic summary if you want to know what happened there. The important thing is the Bulls showed signs of progress with Boozer in the lineup last night and tonight a lot of things came together.

Bears:

-Pissing away the lead. The Bulls had a 14 point lead and lost it all, forcing Derrick to make a buzzer-beating 3 pointer to send the game into OT. While that isn't good, it's a step up from looking awful for one quarter every game. NBA basketball is a game of runs, and the Bulls did a great job for most of the game of building a lead and keeping it (and without that ridiculous 3 at the end of the 3rd quarter I suspect this game would have never gotten so close).

Bulls:

-The offense is meshing. The Bulls meshed with Boozer for the first time in 3 games. Boozer ended the game with 25 points and 9 boards, but most importantly he looked like he was catching on to the flow of the offense and how he fits into it. He made several jumpers and demonstrated some nice moves in the paint. There was also some nice coordination between Boozer and Noah on a couple occasions, though Rose is clearly still getting used to Boozer and what he is capable of.

-The rebounding came back after a 2 game hiatus. Noah, Boozer, and Taj all dominated the boards and even Rose had 7 rebounds. This isn't unexpected, once Boozer meshes completely with the rest of the team the Bulls should be the first or second best rebounding team in the NBA.

-Oh Derrick. This is the way the Bulls can win games. Keep a lead into the 4th and just let Derrick do the rest. There were a few hiccups tonight, they're still working out the kinks, but the blueprint is there. Even when the Bulls were giving up the lead it's hard to fault the offense. The Bulls never rushed shots or took unnecessary jumpers, they looked to get penetration and ended up with 54 points in the paint. Rose showed the form he has shown in all but 2 games this year, and on any night that Derrick is feeling it like that the Bulls will have a great chance to win.

There are still kinks, but the improvement over the last 3 games has been impressive. The defensive switching is still off and Rose is still unsure of exactly what Boozy can do for the team, but that will come with time. The Bulls will have a stiff test on Monday against the Thunder, but if this game was any indication it should be a much closer game than the games they played against other top contenders this week.

Goodbye, Ron

Ron Santo died today. I gave up the baseball writing bit awhile ago because there are so many guys that do it better. One of those guys is Andy Dolan of Desipio.com and I highly recommend you all go over there and read his excellent tribute to Ron. For myself, I'm merely going to say that I'm sorry to Ron Santo for not appreciating him. The last two years the Cubs have sucked and having Ron in the booth moaning and groaning gave me an easy person to bitch about, when really he hadn't changed much at all from the guy I used to laugh with and at during my childhood. I'm not the only guy out there who probably feels like he's lost a part of his youth today. I'll miss you, Ron. For his part, I hope the Hall of Fame committee doesn't vote him in now, since he told them they could kiss his ass if they wanted to do it posthumously. Ron deserved the hall decades ago, and they never gave it to him. Let them live with their decision rather than take some easy-out from their guilt by giving it to him now as a hollow gesture. Cub fans know who Santo was and what he deserved. The Hall of Fame couldn't possibly add anything to his unimpeachable place in their memories.

Good bye, Ron. I don't envy Pat Hughes' job this spring when he was to open up the season in a booth that will never feel the same again.

Prognostication Bukakke, NFL Week 13

Texans @ Eagles
Code Red: Last week's shutout of a team starting a rookie 6th round draft pick at quarterback notwithstanding, the Texans defense blows and doesn't stand a snowball's chance in hell of slowing down Michael Vick and the Eagles. Eagles win.

Iggins!: Yeah, hard for me to envision anything other than a 20 point Eagles win here.

Mrs. Code Red: Eagles. Michael Vick is really, really good.

49ers @ Packers
Iggins!: So… the 49ers are now starting Troy Smith and Bryan Westbrook, huh? I hope they lose, but I am positive the Packers win.

Code Red: I would love for the Packers to lose, but this team couldn’t top Green Bay With Frank Gore. Packers win.

Mrs. Code Red: Ugh. Packers. I don’t like them, but I don’t have a choice.

Saints @ Bengals
Code Red: Sigh. The Bengals have rapidly become, along with the Panthers, a team I can automatically dismiss. Saints win.

Iggins!: Last year appears to have been the fluke. Saints win.

Mrs. Code Red: I love the picture of Drew Brees’s baby after the Superbowl win last year, so I’ll root for the Saints. '

Code Red: Oh Breesus, is there anyone your charming ways can't sway?

Browns @ Dolphins
Iggins!: Henne is back and the shininess of the Browns has worn off. Miami wins.

Code Red: The shininess only wore off because Jake Delhomme started. It appears he’ll start again this week, so there’s no way in hell I’m Not choosing the Dolphins. Phins win.

Mrs. Code Red: I literally couldn’t care less about these teams. Usually in that case I would pick based on which mascot I liked best, but one is a color (which I always find really stupid) and one is a dolphin (which couldn’t be less menacing or more lame) so I’ll flip a coin. Browns win.

Redskins @ Giants
Code Red: Guh. Every week logic tells you to pick whoever is playing against the Redskins and that's barely been a 50-50 proposition this week despite statistics telling us that the 'Skins should be closer to 0-11 than 5-6. The Giants have been wildly inconsistent lately. I'll take the Giants, but I won't be shocked if they fumble 17 times and the Redskins win 10-6 despite gaining 92 yards of total offense or something.

Iggins!: That was oddly specific. I will take the Giants.

Mrs. Code Red: He always bitches about how the Redskins can win games even though they get like half as many yards as the other team and also have zero talent. But since he still complains, I imagine they must still win. I’ll go with the Redskins.

Code Red: That's pretty spot-on, actually.

Jaguars @ Titans
Iggins!: With Rusty I don’t think the Titans can do anything. Haven’t heard from Randy Moss in a while. Jaguars win.

Code Red: Kerry Collins might start, but he also still sucks. Jaguars.

Mrs. Code Red: Well the AFC south is a cluster fuck of mediocrity this year, apparently, so neither. But I guess if I have to pick, I’ll go with Titans. Why not? Then all four teams could be tied with a wonderfully average 6-6.

Bears @ Lions
Code Red: Some morons have the Bears losing this game since “revenge” for the Calvin Johnson catch will have the Lions out for blood. Bah. Revenge doesn't fix a god-awful defense and Cutler is exceptionally fond of destroying that secondary. Bears win handily.

Iggins!: If revenge needs to be your motivator to beat a division opponent, you must suck. Bears win.

Mrs. Code Red: Bears. My man Julius Peppers is going to continue kicking butt.

Bills @ Vikings
Iggins!: I really hope the Vikings win so that Favre stays the starter, but I have to pick the Bills to win because God the Vikings are terrible (though apparently God hates Stevie Johnson more).

Code Red: Oh god dammit! I was going to pick the Bills. Since I need to disagree with you on something, I’ll take the Vikings very reluctantly.

Mrs. Code Red: Does Favre even understand the concept of playing football anymore? The goal is to get the ball to a guy in the same color jersey as you, buddy. Bills win even though they’re terrible.

Broncos @ Chiefs
Code Red: A few weeks ago in Denver the Broncos shocked the shit out of everyone by trouncing Kansas City 49-29. That would seem to indicate that one should pick Denver, but I'm willing to believe that that was merely a bad game that snowballed out of control. Denver can't stop anybody and seems to have quit on McDaniels, which is awesome. Chiefs win.

Iggins!: The Chiefs are going to be 8-4? What the hell is wrong with the NFL these days? Chiefs win.

Mrs. Code Red: Chiefs? I have no idea but I was trained by my 5th grade teacher to hate the Broncos as he used us in a war against one of the other teachers that was a Broncos fan, and that completely unnecessary and inexplicable disdain for the Broncos is still with me over a decade later.

Raiders @ Chargers
Iggins!: The natural order of things seems to be resetting itself, the Raiders suck and the Chargers win.

Code Red: Indeed. The Raiders still suck. Chargers win.

Mrs. Code Red: I’m pretty sure the Raiders are notoriously bad, so I’ll go with the Chargers.

Cowboys @ Colts
Code Red: The Colts aren't very good. The Cowboys are less good-er. I expect the Colts to put it back together for a week. Colts win.

Iggins!: Yeah the Colts are better than the Cowboys, but it appears Peyton may finally be on the downtick of his career. Colts win.

Mrs. Code Red: I like Tony Romo less than I like Peyton Manning. Go Colts.

Code Red: Actually, Romo isn't playing. Either way, someday you'll learn how to hate them both.

Rams @ Cardinals
Iggins!: What a travesty that the Rams will actually make the playoffs. Is it really so hard for the NFL to put in a provision that says a division winner is guaranteed a spot in the playoffs only if their record is over .500? Not hard. Rams win.

Code Red: It’d be more of a travesty if the Seahawks or 49ers made it. Rams win.

Mrs. Code Red: Okay, there are a lot of teams… Rams, because they appear to be way better.

Panthers @ Seahawks
Code Red: Seahawks.

Iggins!: Oh my God this game is awful. Seahawks win.

Mrs. Code Red: Seahawks. They beat the Bears, didn’t they? Yeah. Seahawks.

Code Red: Ouch.

Falcons @ Buccaneers
Iggins!: This game was so damn close in Atlanta, with the difference being Legarrette Blount’s inability to gain a yard to get into the endzone. I’ll take Tampa Bay. Home field advantage for Da Bears?

Code Red: Oh please. Tampa is a 7-9 team any other year but this year. Falcons win.

Mrs. Code Red: I want to say the Bucs because I love their cheerleaders’ outfits but reason tells me I should choose the Falcons because they’re a much better team. Falcons win.

Steelers @ Ravens
Code Red: Something about Baltimore seems hollow to me. They don't do anything on offense that's particularly great, and their pass rush hasn't seemed as impressive this year as in recent years. I'll take the Steelers, who nearly knocked Baltimore off with Charlie Batch holding them back early in the season.

Iggins!: Baltimore is the most overrated team in the league by far. They are just above average at everything they do. Steelers win.

Mrs. Code Red: Steelers.

Code Red: Well, that was awfully decisive.

Mrs. Code Red: They won the Superbowl two years ago, so they've got to be pretty good, right?

Code Red: Oh, well that's just unimpeachable logic.

Jets @ Patriots
Iggins!: This game is easier to pick than it looks. Brady is playing a great defense and he also has no defense to back him up. Jets win.

Code Red: Your logic is fairly solid, but Sanchez’s decent TD-INT ratio and late game heroics (against shitty teams) have hidden his rather mediocre performances. I don’t think he’ll repeat his great game from earlier this year against New England. Patriots win.

Mrs. Code Red: Hmm… good game. I really have no idea which of these two pretty good teams will win. I’ll say Pats because most of my family would kill me if they knew I didn’t. Go fack ya selves, New Yahk!

Code Red: It's true. She's half Mass-hole.

Magic 107 - Bulls 78 (Well... shit.)

You might remember back to when the Bulls beat the Suns that I wrote something along the lines of "The Bulls won't beat a good team if they keep imploding for a quarter every game." It should be no surprise then that the Bulls lost to the Magic after being outscored 33-15 in the second quarter. The domination doesn't end there, so on the night where the Bulls firmly cemented themselves as the third best team in the East (until they blast Boston on Friday and confuse everyone) I give you a special Bulls/Bears where you will find zero Bulls. Hate is more enjoyable to read than love anyway, so enjoy.

BEARS:

-Rebounding: This is the big one. The Bulls amassed 21 rebounds... for the entire game. 48 minutes, 21 boards. If that sounds bad, you A) Need to stop reading out loud, it's pissing off your wife/dog/mom and B) would be completely correct because that is, no exaggeration, the FEWEST rebounds the Chicago Bulls have ever accrued over the course of one game. That is in the entire history of the franchise. How did this happen, especially considering the Bulls have the number two rebounder in the league (Joakim Noah) and also that Carlos Boozer returned to the lineup tonight? Glad you asked...

-Everybody on the team had their worst night of the season. I am going out on a limb and saying Boozer will not have a worse line than 5 points and 2 rebounds in 22 minutes this season. Derrick Rose had 15 points and only 4 assists. Noah had 16 points and ZERO rebounds. Kyle Korver scored 6 points in 30 minutes. Nobody else on the team has stats even worth mentioning. It was so bad KURT THOMAS registered minutes! I thought Kurt Thomas died years ago! (and by that I mean I thought he got traded to Milwaukee OHHHHHHH God I hate the Bucks).

-The Bad Quarter. I feel like a broken record. Nearly every game the Bulls stop playing the way they should for one whole quarter. They rush shots, take too many jumpers, stop switching on defense, and everything falls apart rapidly. Common sense was they couldn't pull that against a great team, and tonight they played one of the two teams they can't pull that against in the Eastern conference. Some nights the bad quarter is because the team on the floor is the entire second string for 8 minutes. Sometimes it's because the Bulls get jumper-happy. Whatever it is, it needs to be addressed and remedied by the end of the regular season. Luckily, after the Bulls play the Celtics on Friday 10 of their 14 remaining December games come against teams with losing records, and two of those games against winning teams are against the Pacers and Knicks.

Lots to be upset about tonight, but I'm not going to jerk my knees and declare the Bulls in a state of emergency after one game. This was just a perfect storm. Everybody had a bad game, there looked to be some confusion due to Boozer's arrival, and that bad quarter reared its head again. I doubt this will all be fixed before the Celtics game, but looking at the schedule ahead there's a lot of hope that the Bulls can mesh in December and come out of it looking like they can challenge Orlando and Boston for the Eastern Conference.

Prognostication Bukakke, Championship Week

The Prognostication Bukakke draws to a close this week, as does the college football regular season, and my impregnable 21 game lead over Iggins! has more or less made continuing after the end of the college season a pointless exercise. For this week, however, I've decided to offer more potential humiliation for Iggins! (and possibly myself) by adding my fiancee to the ring, despite the fact that she was unaware of the existence of the Big East Conference and can't tell you the difference between the AFC and NFC. So here we go, with this final, special edition of the Prognostication Bukakke for 2010:

Standings:
Code Red: 129-66 (72-43 NFL, 57-23 NCAA)
Iggins: 108-87 (66-49 NFL, 42-38 NCAA)

Onto the picks:

Illinois @ Fresno State
Code Red: Last year Illinois was a terrible team that lost to a much better Fresno State team after a pass on a two point conversion was deflected and caught by a Fresno lineman who rumbled in for the winning score. This year a much better Illinois team takes on a Ryan Matthews-less Fresno team and I don't expect another let down. Illini win.

Iggins!: Quite right, also I would like to take this space to feel sorry for Boise State, who left for the Mountain West to try to gain some respect… and then TCU, BYU, and Utah promptly left. So… the Mountain West is basically the WAC now, right? Illini wins.

Mrs. Code Red: Since I have no real idea who is more likely to win any of these games, I’ll just make random guesses. I pick Illinois because I’m from that state.

Northern Illinois @ Miami of Ohio
Iggins!: Northern Illinois has been absolutely crushing people, and Miami backed into this game because of an Ohio loss. NIU wins.

Code Red: Indeed. Go NIU.

Mrs. Code Red: Northern Illinois. a) They have a better record b) I’m still from Illinois c) I can’t stand that the other school’s name is Miami of Ohio. That’s just stupid.

UConn @ South Florida
Code Red: Not a lot of games this week, so just about every game that wasn't a conference title game made the docket. Because the Big East blows, UConn can make the Orange Bowl as a four loss team if they win here. I'll pick USF out of spite for everything and everyone.

Iggins!: A Big East team making a BCS bowl is an unparalleled travesty. It will be made worse when USF wins.

Mrs. Code Red: Hmm… I'll go with UConn, because blue and silver looks better than Gold and Green.

USC @ UCLA
Iggins!: Wow, how the hell do you lose to Notre Dame? I’ll take USC to win, but GUFFAW right at Kiffykins.

Code Red: My lead is impregnable, so I’ll take UCLA just because I want them to win.

Mrs.Code Red: The Pac10 kind of blows this year. I’ll go with USC because I like the outfits their cheerleaders wear, even though they really aren’t very good since they got in trouble for paying that guy in BJs or whatever.

Code Red: Well, I'm glad that's what you got from my explanation of why Reggie Bush lost the Heisman.

SMU @ UCF
Code Red: I know nothing about either of these teams. I'll take UCF.

Iggins!: Oh yeah, UCF wins big.

Mrs. Code Red: I didn’t even know what these acronyms stood for. I’ll go with Southern Methodist since I sort of thought about applying for grad school there, and also because I still don’t know what school UCF is even after I looked it up.

Middle Tennessee State @ Florida International
Iggins!: Middle Tennessee just hired Dan McCarney. I will take FIU.

Code Red: I have no idea who the hell that is. Is that the guy that used to coach Iowa State? I’ll take Jonathan Quinn’s alma mater, Middle Tennessee State, because something about the name makes me laugh.

Mrs. Code Red: Middle Tennessee State? Sure, why not.

Code Red: Whenever I say Middle Tennessee State I say it like Monty Burns saying "there's a New Mexico?"



There's a Middle Tennessee?

Oregon @ Oregon State
Code Red: This has normally been a huge roadblock for Oregon on its quest for national title game slots, but I don't think Oregon State has the weapons on either side of the ball to keep up with the Ducks. Oregon wins handily and heads on to the national championship game.

Iggins!: God likes to shit on non-AQ schools, so Oregon wins.

Code Red: Non-what?

Mrs. Code Red: Oregon. I recently decided that since my dad lives there and I once watched a really good game in which this team won, they are now my back up to my back up team.

Code Red: Ironically, that was actually an Oregon State game we watched, but whatever, she's on a roll.

SEC Title Game: Auburn vs. South Carolina (NEUTRAL SITE)
Iggins!: See above, Auburn wins.

Code Red: It should be a high scoring affair, but much like last time, I expect ole Stephen Garcia to make just enough boneheaded turnovers to offset his generally good play and Auburn will lock up their title shot as well.

Mrs. Code Red: Auburn. They’re undefeated so I bet they’re better.

Code Red: Thorough.

ACC Title Game: Florida State @ Virginia Tech
Code Red: Oh look, it's the two premier teams of this league, and neither one is actually that good. The ACC in a nutshell. I'll take Virginia Tech, because I'll never shake my life-long dislike of the Florida State Seminoles.

Iggins!: Florida State is epicly mediocre, I will take VaTech.

Mrs. Code Red: I agree with Red. The ACC sucks. I’ve never been able to remember which teams are in it, probably because none of them are worth remembering. I’ll take Florida State, mainly because Red doesn’t want them to win.

Big 12 Title Game: Nebraska @ Oklahoma
Iggins!: Because I think it’s funny, Nebraska wins the Big 12 and promptly leaves forever.

Code Red: That would be amusing, but I have a feeling Nebraska’s offense will do one of its disappearing acts again. Oklahoma wins.

Mrs.Code Red: I am going with Nebraska because I live in the middle of Cornhusker-ville and it’s annoying when they lose and that’s all anyone talks about. Also, when I try to be interested in local teams, I don’t really mind rooting for the Huskers.

Well, there you go. NFL picks tomorrow.

Ruminate with Iggins!

Sometimes I see sports stories that need to be commented on, for whatever reason, be it their bearing on Chicago sports, my Hawkeyes, a random interest, or how badly the story sucks. Gathered here are my private thoughts on these things. WARNING: Code Red can attest that looking into my mind can sometimes be like falling into a Lovecraftian dimension. You have been warned.

-Tracy McGrady, who you will remember was rejected by the Bulls, recently said that Lebron James should have signed with Chicago because LBJ and Dwayne Wade refuse to play nice together and instead just stand motionless while the other has the ball. T-Mac is 100% correct, but the better question is if the Bulls would be better with LBJ (Because we all know the Bulls with Lebron would be better than the current Heat). The Bulls, to sign James with Boozer, would have had to trade Luol Deng, Taj Gibson, and James Johnson. They would have also lacked the money to resign Noah like they did, not to mention they wouldn't have had the money to sign Brewer, Korver, Bogans, or C.J Watson, leaving the Bulls to scrape the barrel like the Heat did for guys like Jerry Stackhouse. Is that a better team? When Boozer gets back the Bulls, in my mind, are very close to being the best team in the East. Derrick Rose has emerged as a premier scorer and distributor, and he has made Deng, Gibson, and Noah much better, to the point where I don't think having a Lebron James is worth losing all the rest of these players (especially considering Lebron would get along with Rose in much the same way as he gets along with Wade on the court). When the dust settles the winners of last summer's free agency may actually be the Bulls.

-Speaking of the Bulls, doesn't it feel like Ronnie Brewer should be starting over Keith Bogans? In two fewer minutes played per game he has more points, rebounds, and steals per game, not to mention his fg percentage is 50.8% while Bogans' fg percentage is a painful 36.2%, the lowest on the team! Ronnie even appears to play better defense and he has much more energy on the floor than Bogans. Thibs is doing a fantastic job with the team this year, and I understand a desire for continuity in the starting lineup, but maybe when Boozer comes back we move Brewer into the starting SG spot? He's earned it.

-There are two camps of belief about the Hawkeye's season. The first says that their 7-5 record is indicative of them being overhyped and a mediocre team. The second says that the Hawkeyes had no leadership or... jesus... "heart" and that is why they lost 5 games in exactly the same way (have the lead in the 4th quarter, give it away late, start a drive with around 2 minutes left, fail to do anything). I don't have a concrete answer for the shit I watched (Though I don't think either of those two possibilities are right), but I can definitely say that if something happens 3 times it is no longer a coincidence. Code Red blames Old Testament God. I think Ricky Stanzi sold wins and his testicles for good stats (to Satan of course). Sounds reasonable to me.

-also, tune in tonight to see the worst college basketball game played by two BCS conference schools all year! Iowa @ Wake Forest is on ESPNU in 20 minutes... you have been warned.

NFL Roundup, Week 12

Patriots 45, Lions 24
As my one concession to the deep-seated beast of superstition that lurks even in the hearts of the most rational sports fan, I generally don't trash the opposition on the week that the Bears will play them. Were I to do so, however, I would point out that secondary in Detroit is abominable. Also, I still like the matchup for the Bears at home against New England next week. That Patriots defense still has issues, and I think the Bears can get pressure on Brady.

Saints 30, Lions 27
As I watched Roy Williams hilariously fumble away a huge upset for the Cowboys, I tried to remember why exactly I bear so much ire against a guy who has generally been a marginal player on marginal or awful teams. Then loyal reader Apex put it thus:

"He was the ringleader and a standout in a long line of turds who made famous that whole Detroit Lions thing - where they dance around after every tackle and first down reception in the first half of any game and spend the entire second half forlornly explaining away turnovers and overall fuckups with a towel on their heads."

And then I remembered his guranteeing victory over the Bears back in 2006 before Chicago went out and swept Detroit by a combined 60-28 margin. Shit. I'm not trashing them. Swearsies.

Jets 26, Bengals 10
It really, really sucks to watch Carson Palmer right now. You people have no idea how much time and energy I invest in rooting for quarterbacks that I love solely based upon their magnificent ARMCOCKS. Or maybe you do. Either way, the sad deterioration of a man who was once the damn near Platonic Ideal of a quarterback just hurts. Rotator cuffs, folks. Check them, and check them often.

Falcons 20, Packers 17
Man. Nobody loses with more excuses than the god damn Green Bay Packers. Despite the fact that this is now the 4th loss they've suffered thanks to terrible penalties, a complete and utter inability to run the ball, and crippling turnovers at inopportune times, no one is willing to see those rather consistent markers indicative of a talented but perhaps undisciplined and (God forbid) flawed football team. I gather that Aaron Rodgers is an amazing quarterback, and that the Packers rack up a lot of yards and have an impressive point differential that's entirely inflated from three blowout wins over the Bills, Cowboys, and Vikings (9-24 combined with an average ranking of 25th in scoring defense), but when you lose four games for the same reasons it shouldn't be dismissed as a fluke or an easily correctable glitch. Also, I'm sorry for saying you were overrated, Atlanta. You're an impresisvely balanced team, but that defense seems to milquetoast to survive a long postseason run. They can't rush the passer with their front four. Hard to win a Superbowl like that.

Texans 20, Titans 0
I hate Vince Young. I really do. But if he could actually have played, rather than being forced into a season-ending surgery to open the door for Rusty Smith, and Fisher actually took carries away from Chris Johnson to show off Rusty Smith as a potential QB (QB rating of 25 through two games. Todd Collins is dying of envy, everyone else not so much), as some have rumored, then Fisher is the dumbest sonofabitch in the NFL.

Vikings 17, Redskins 13
That's good. The Vikings will now almost certainly keep Favre in long enough for his turnovers to hand a game in the Metrodome to the Bears.

Giants 24, Jaguars 20
Even after this game, I get the lurching feeling that the Jaguars may somehow win the AFC South. Then they'll have the most improbably postseason run of all time, and I will weep.

Steelers 19, Bills 16
Stevie Johnson blamed God for his five drops. I find that interesting, and, as a spiritual person, I must at least consider whether, perhaps, God truly does influence dropped passes. In that case, I truly wonder what horrible, horrible sins Rashied Davis has committed to bring on the unceasing fury of the Almighty.

Browns 24, Panthers 23
Jake Delhomme gave the Panthers every opportunity to win, but they came up just short. Hilarious, as Jake Delhomme is no longer a Panther. In fact, since I'll never forgive Jake Delhomme for the 2005 playoffs (JUST FUCKING DOUBLE COVER STEVE SMITH), here is his stat line since his 5 interception meltdown against Arizona in the 2008 playoffs:

15 games, 5-10 record, 252/450 (56.0%), 2789 YDs (6.2 YPA), 10 TDs, 29 INTs, 55.1 rating.

Perhaps I should start comparing people to an Old Jake Delhome rather than a Young Jake Plummer. Maybe quarterbacks named Jake are just doomed to mediocre career arcs that start or plummet into complete and total oblivion and inspire everyone to ask the question "How the f*&k is he still starting in the NFL?"

Chiefs 42, Seahawks 24
It's truly fitting that the AFC and NFC West are matched up this year in order to allow the eventual division champion of each to scrape to the 7-9 wins that will allow them to reach their first round playoff exit.

Dolphins 33, Raiders 17
Oh thank God. The Raiders still suck.

Baltimore 17, Tampa Bay 10
It may seem hypocritical to criticize Tampa Bay for being 7-0 against losing teams and 0-4 against winning teams when I've ranted against people using the Bears easy schedule against them, but the difference is that Chicago is now 2-1 against teams with winning records (although the fact that Seattle and Washington both have losing records makes those losses More embarrassing) but have been competitive and have at least been consistent defensively in every one of their games as the average score of their three losses is 19-12. Tampa Bay is clearly a mirage, however, when you look at the average score of their four losses: 28-13. They've actually been outscored on the season, and every one of their unit rankings, both offensive and defensive, is fairly mediocre outside of their 9th ranked scoring defense. They've really only been competitive in one of their losses this year. They got one TD in garbage time against the Ravens after trailing 17-3 and being virtually nonexistent on offense for most of the afternoon. The outcome was never in doubt.

Rams 36, Broncos 33
Sam Bradford and the Rams actually Bronco'd the Broncos to death, as Bradford has almost exclusively worked in the short passing game this year and is actually dead last in yards per completion, but he still worked his way to 300+ yards and a win over a terrible Broncos team in every respect. F*&k you, McWannstedt.

Chargers 36, Colts 14
Well, it's nice to see that the media will throw out every excuse for a Peyton 4 pick game that they bluntly dismissed in defense of Jay Cutler a few weeks ago. What's that? Manning has a subpar offensive line, an inconsistent running game, and young receivers? No quarterback could possibly be blamed for a four interception game with all that!

49ers 27, Cardinals 6
Derek Anderson followed up a very Old/Young Delplummer performance with an absolutely outstanding apeshit press conference:


For what it's worth, I don't really blame him. God knows we've all laughed at a funeral. The same thing happened to Erik Kramer during a loss back in 1997 or 1998, but I maintain that it's okay for Erik Kramer to laugh at being pulled for Rick Mirer or Steve Stenstrom.

I've Finally Figured It Out

I know now why I truly, deeply hate Josh McDaniels. It isn't just because of his smear campaign against Jay Cutler or his incessant arrogance despite being the guy that traded Peyton Hillis for Brady Quinn. No, it's because I've finally realized who he is. Josh McDaniels, ladies and gentlemen, is the Dave Wannstedt of the 2000s.

Look at the Similarities:

-Both took over for popular head coaches who had won Superbowls in the previous decade but had failed to win in the playoffs after the departure of many of the key players they had inherited (Payton and others for Ditka, Elway for Shanahan).

-Both were given nearly total authority over personnel decisions by the franchise owner, despite neither having any previous head coaching or GM experience.

-Both were young, hot coordinator prospects coming from the "elite" franchise of the decade, the 2000s Patriots and the 1990s Cowboys.

-Both started off surprisingly well, with Wannstedt's 93 Bears starting out 7-5 before a four game losing streak put them at 7-9, while McDaniels 6-0 start last year culminated in a 2-8 record over the last 10 and an overall .500 campaign. Wannstedt even made the playoffs in 1994 and nearly made them again in 1995 before his personnel decisions caused the team to collapse.

-The personnel decisions: Wannstedt made terrible first round picks, including a questionable pick at wideout (Curtis Conway) when the team had much more glaring needs, as well as two failed runningbacks (Salaam and Enis) and a terrible trade for a quarterback.

McDaniels has picked a wideout and a quarterback when those appear to be, if not the strong suit, at least nowhere near the most glaring weaknesses on his team, and he's drafted an underachieving runningback (Knowshon Moreno) which led him to trade away a far better player (Peyton Hillis). He also made a very questionable trade involving a quarterback. Robert Ayers (40 tackles and 2 sacks in 21 games), McDaniels' first round pick at linebacker, has been every bit as questionable as one of Wannstedt's first round picks at the position, John Thierry (never had more than 4 sacks in a season with the team).

- Finally, Wannstedt clearly should have been fired before his team's 8-24 death spiral in 97-98, but McCaskey was unwilling to fire him with money and years remaining on his contract. McDaniel's is just 5-16 in his last 21 games, but will most likely keep his job for another year as Bowlen still owes Shanahan money and would be unlikely to pay two coaches to not coach.

So there you have it, I hate Josh McDaniels because he reminds me of that hare-lipped bastard who nearly ruined my childhood. Fuck you, Josh.

College Football Roundup Week 13

Texas A&M 24, Texas 17
Mike Sherman finally gets a win over Texas and has built a team that could win 10 games if they win their bowl. How the bloody hell did that happen?

Auburn 28, Alabama 27
That was miraculous. The way Auburn's defense was playing in the game (and all season) had me convinced there was no way in hell they'd even come close to a comeback. I was gearing up for a Boise State title run and then... Cam Newton put on his brass balls and stuck it to Saban. Whatever the guy did off the field, he's just unbelieveable on it. Vince Young didn't dominate the college game in 2005 like Newton is doing right now.

Oregon 48, Arizona 29
I don't give a shit about TCU or BCS busting anymore. I want to see Oregon go up against Auburn in the title game.

Nevada 34, Boise State 31
I hate when people blame the kicker for this shit. Boise had a 24-7 lead. Point the finger at every guy in that locker room. It sucks that all of Boise's hard work ended like this, but if they want to talk about fairness, well, every other team in the country plays with the same razor-thin margin of error.

Connecticut 38, Cincinnati 17
A win over South Florida next week will put 8-4 UConn into the BCS. The Big East, Folks. Fuck em.

Michigan State 28, Penn State 22
Ohio State 37, Michigan 7
Wisconsin 70, Northwestern 23

Thoughts: Michigan State is clearly the 3rd best of these three teams. Michigan's defense is so porous that Terrelle Pryor can actually pass against it. Wisconsin is a merciless fear engine that will pummel you into the depths of hell.

Minnesota 27, Iowa 24
Poor Iggins! I normally laugh at Iowa's failures, but he just lost his beloved Floyd of Rosedale. In this case, I'm fucking guffawing.

Arkansas 31, LSU 23
ARMCOCKANSAS mercilessly removes any chance whatsoever of Les Miles backing his way into the National Title game in an apocalyptic scenario.

Oklahoma 47, Oklahoma State 41
Poor OK State. Thought it would finally be there year, but instead Oklahoma locks up the spot in the Big 12 title game against Nebraska. Probably for the best.

Bears 31, Eagles 26- ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?

Don't let the final score deceive you. Classic Lovie Prevent defense aside, this was a total asskicking of the team that NFL Network was describing as "this year's Saints." What excuse will they find to dismiss the Bears this week? You're looking at a damn good football team, folks, and I don't care who disagrees.

Onto the breakdown:

THE GOOD:

Jay Cutler: 14/21 (66.7%) for 247 yards, 4 TDS, 0 INTS, a 146.2 rating and one absolutely bullshit unsportsmanlike call where I was only too pleased to see him give the ref the asschewing he deserved. Cutler had undoubtedly his best game as a Bear and maybe as a pro. He threw in 17 yards rushing for good measure. In a game that was supposed to be about Michael Vick, Jay Cutler stole the day and didn't give it back.

Matt Forte: 14 carries for a 117 yards. He was outstanding and was a huge part of the clock-killing 3rd quarter drives that essentially sealed the game for the Bears. That a boy, Matty.

Johnny Knox: 3 catches, 68 yards and a TD to go with the recovery on the last onside kick.

Earl Mother Fuckin' Bennett: The best damn slot receiver the Bears have had in a long god damn time. He had four huge catches and two TDs. Shirtless manhug for you, Earl.

Devin Hester: He had 3 catches for 86 yards, both of which set up scores. He's learning how to come back to the ball when Jay has to scramble, and he clearly influenced the Eagles' gameplan on punts and kicks. Great job. Best game the wide receiver corps had all year.

Greg Olsen: He had only one catch, but it was the most impressive TD catch of his career.

The Front Seven: Urlacher, Briggs, and every single defensive lineman on the field had a huge game. Vick's final numbers look good, but for 3 quarters before Lovie unwisely eased up these guys forced Vick into his worst game of the year. Julius Peppers had one absolutely beastly sack in the first half to end an Eagles threat in the red zone. Idonijie, Melton, and Toeina continued to dominate the interior and even Tommie Harris got into the action with a huge tip that led to the game-changing interception. Boners.

The Bad:

Frank Omiyale: Guh. 3 of Cutler's 4 sacks should be credited to Omiyale, and he did his part as usual to ensure the Bears kept the league lead in false starts. Fuck you, Frank.

Lovie Smith: The gameplan was brilliant until the 4th quarter. I don't blame him for the last TD that was just plain miraculous, but the prevent defense with 11 minutes left in the 4th? He's lucky Andy Reid was determined to lose this game and kicked 2 nonsensical field goals, because the Bend but Don't Break came way too damn close.

Andy Reid: seriously, man. How does someone as dumb as you build such a consistently good football team?

Rick Morrissey: What aren't you impressed with this week, fuckhead?

Circus Trip Retrospect

The Bulls just wrapped up the annual "circus trip", a 7 game road trip that takes place while the circus takes over the United Center, by coming back (again) to beat the Kings 96-85, leaving them with a 4-3 record on the trip (their first winning record on the thing since before you had the internet). Some seriously crazy shit happened on the trip, so let's recap with some quick Bull/Bears for each game.

Bulls 95 - Houston 92

-Bull: Nice start to the trip. The Bulls really needed to start strong against a bad Rockets team. Rose dropped 33 points before that became routine for him and the Bulls extended the Rockets' losing streak to 4.

-Bear: The Bulls got dominated in the 3rd quarter (30-14), their quarter of choice to get dominated in up until the last 3 games. Still, a nice win.

Spurs 103 - Bulls 94

-Bull: Rose dropped another 33 points, Noah grabbed 14 rebounds, and the Bulls looked great against one of the best teams in the west for a half.

-Bear: Once again, the Bulls got dominated in the 3rd quarter, 37-12 this time, and despite Derrick's 33 points he only has 4 assists and appears to be trying to do too much on the floor at times. However, this was the second game on the road in as many games, and it was against a great team.

Bulls 88 - Mavericks 83

-Bull: Rose drops 22, Taj Gibson is the star of the night with 17 points and 18 rebounds.

-Bear: To be honest this game was awful to watch. Both teams deserved to be put away, but nobody stepped up. The Bulls practically won by default. They tried to blow it in the third quarter AGAIN, with the quarter starting out 20-4 in favor of the Mavericks, but finished the third on a 13-4 run to make it more respectable. 18 turnovers for the Bulls... the list goes on. Beating the Mavericks is a great accomplishment, but make no mistake, neither team can afford to play like they did in this game and win a title.

Lakers 98 - Bulls 91

-Bull: The Bulls avoided the bad quarter and hung with the champs the whole game, the only thing that stood between them and victory was a barrage of Laker 3 pointers in the 4th that gave them 9 points in under 40 seconds. Rose hit 30 again and also managed 8 assists, Noah grabbed 13 rebounds and 4 steals, and the Bulls held Kobe to 20 points.

-Bear: The loss, and that's really it. It's ironic that they looked so bad in getting a win over Dallas and looked so great in losing to the Lakers.

Bulls 123 - Suns 115 (2OT)

(Look under this post)

Nuggets 98 - Bulls 97

-Bull: What a heartbreaker. C.J. Watson timed his 1 great game of the year perfectly (33 points), overcome shooting below 40% and not having Derrick for the night, and avoid a bad quarter for the 3rd time in 4 games... and screw it all up at the very end. Great night for Noah and Korver as well, and the bench showed how good it can be. Tough to take this one.

-Bear: John Lucas 3 missed two free throws to leave the Bulls with a 1 point lead with 13 seconds left. Then Melo misses a shot to win the game! There are 3 Bulls right there to rebound! Game ov... and the three Bulls knock the ball out of bounds, setting up Melo to hit the game winner as time expired. My heart hurts.

Bulls 96 - Kings 85

-Bull: Rose drops another 30, this time with 7 assists and 7 rebounds to go with it and the Bulls overcome a 13 point halftime deficit to beat a terrible Kings team. Not too remarkable.

-Bear: The Bulls were the first team to be losing to the Kings at halftime this year. That is how bad the Kings are, and the Bulls were down 13. Derrick once again picked it up in the fourth, but it has to be a bit concerning that the Bulls ended this trip by coming back from way down the last 3 games.

Overall, a great trip. The Bulls are currently 9-6 and are going to get even better soon with Boozer practicing tomorrow and hopefully returning Wednesday. More later, mostly about my inability to find Keith Bogans on the court (invisibility cloak?!) and musings about Thibodeau and of course the Heat (Shadenfreude!).

Bulls-123, Suns-115 (Bulls and Bears)

Considering the circumstances, that was an incredible win for the Bulls. Down 23 at one point in the first quarter the Bulls stormed back to win in 2 overtimes, overcoming not only the deficit and fatigue from playing the Lakers the night before, but also the injury to Taj Gibson. What went more right than wrong to send the Bulls to a 3-2 record with 2 games left on the circus trip?:

Bull Market!

- The Defense. After that awful showing in the first quarter the defense tightened up and executed the gameplan that they seemed to forget for 12 minutes. They slowed the game down and contested every shot, causing the Suns to frequently heave shots as time expired.

- Derrick Rose. Derrick has that rare personality that causes him to get better in the 4th quarter and beyond. He ended up with 35 points, 12 rebounds, and 7 assists, and hit several key shots to keep the Bulls in the game, including the tying free throws in the fourth quarter, and the tying layup in the first overtime.

- Joakim Noah. This is the reason trading him and Deng for Melo isn't a good idea. Noah does everything; assists, rebounds, points, and he seems to clean up at least three Rose misses a game with tip-ins. Beautiful steal on Steve Nash tonight, too.

-James Johnson. He'll probably fade like he did last time he had a big game, but Thibodeau can't keep him out of the rotation after he dominated so often in this game.

Bear Market.

-The Bad Quarter. It's plagued this team all season. Normally the second or third quarter,

but tonight the first, the Bulls have at least one bad breakdown for 12 minutes a game. It's

something that needs to be fixed before the Bulls can cement themselves as the best in the East

with the Celtics and Magic.

-Offensive Pacing. The Bulls tried to run with the Suns the entire first quarter, and we saw

what happened there. The Bulls are great when they play half-court basketball, too often did

they take quick jump shots in this game and it put them in a hole early.

-Rebounding. Boy did the Bulls miss Taj. The stats are skewed in the Bulls favor because of

the two OT periods and the end of the 4th, but for three periods the Bulls got rocked on the

boards. Noah can't do it all, kids.

Next up is Denver on Friday in a very winnable game. Thank God the Bulls have one day to rest,

they'll need it after this one.

Around the NFL, Week 11

Steelers 35, Raiders 3
Oh thank God. The Raiders fans have been mildly humbled but not enough that they've been severed from the mistaken premise that they have a good football team. Guh.

Jaguars 24, Browns 20
Fuck you, Jacksonville.

Redskins 19, Titans 16
My long-standing hatred of Vince Young appears justified by the fact that he's a petulant, entitled dickhead who won't take another snap in a Titan's uniform.

Jets 30, Texans 27
The Texans' defense is a disgrace to football and America.

Ravens 37, Panthers 13
Sky=Blue.

Packers 31, Vikings 3
The game that lowered the Childress-axe for once and for all. I, for one, wish he'd have kept that job forever.

Chiefs 31, Cardinals 13
The Cardinals were better in the days of young Jake Plummer. He could pull off 3-7 in Style.

Cowboys 35, Lions 19
Yeah, this little two game streak of competence will end now that New Orleans is rolling into town for Thanksgiving.

Bills 49, Bengals 31
Oh my God the Bengals are terrible.

Saints 34, Seahawks 19
The Seahawks will probably make the playoffs at 8-8 despite losing to Denver, St. Louis, New York, Oakland, and New Orleans by an average of 23 points. The entire NFC West has been outscored on the season by their opponents. Not a single one of them deserves a winning record. But one of them will make the playoffs and someone out of Chicago, Green Bay, New Orleans, Tampa Bay, the Giants, or the Eagles will not. There's no justice in this world.

Bucs 21, 49ers 0
That said, I hope Tampa doesn't make it either.

Falcons 34, Rams 17
Atlanta gets better every week.

Patriots 31, Colts 28
I know he's Peyton Manning and he's a record-setter and a SB champion QB (against Rex Grossman) but I can't help but get frustrated when he throws 3 interceptions, costs his team the win, mopes, pouts, screams at his linemen, and the media praises his fire and passion. Meanwhile, Earl Bennett just sneezed and tv replays clearly show that Jay Cutler did Not say God Bless You, and Tony Dungy just broke down his poor manners on Football Night in America.

Eagles 27, Giants 17
The Giants actually did a good job of containing Vick, and Eli Manning kindly threw the game away. Hopefully the Bears can do a better job of eliminating mistakes.

Chargers 35, Broncos 14
Suck it, McDaniels.

That's all for this week, folks. No Prognostication Bukakke this week as it's a holiday and my 21 game lead over Iggins! more or less dictates that he's a ball of yarn which I may drag out of the cupboard whenever I wish to bat him around before shelving him indefinitely. See ya Monday.
Go Bears.

College Football Roundup

Michigan State 35, Purdue 31
Dammit, Purdue. You had a chance to ensure that MSU would be out of the running and you blew it. I've got nothing against MSU, but the old eyeball chart tells me that they would be the least deserving of the three tied teams if they went to the Rose Bowl. At least next year there'll be a championship game to solve this.

Wisconsin 48, Michigan 28
Wisconsin once again makes its case for being the most-deserving team.

Stanford 48, California 14
Stanford. They're really good.

Virginia Tech 31, Miami 17
Yep. VT has once again recovered from a miserable early season loss to become the ACC Coastal Champion. Because the ACC is always willing to have its title contention wrecked by Labor Day.

Illinois 48, Northwestern 27
Bowl eligibility! The elusive beast has been snared in its cage! Some numbers: Illinois had 559 total yards. 519 of those on the ground. Mikel LeShoure, I love you.

Ohio State 20, Iowa 17
I really thought Iowa would win this game. Alas, Tressel has once again maneuvered himself into position to possibly secure a BCS bowl game that he will most likely lose.

LSU 43, Ole Miss 36
Had all the zaniness you'd expect from Les Miles vs. Houston Nutt.

Arkansas 38, Mississippi State 31 (2OT)
Armcock!

Oklahoma 53, Baylor 24
3 straight ranked opponents have pummeled Baylor's season into mediocrity. Next year, Baylor. Next year. Enjoy the Holiday Bowl or something.

Texas A&M 9, Nebraska 6
Nebraska! Offense disappearing at inopportune moments since 2001!

Oregon State 36, USC 7
Ha! Eat a dick, Kiffin.