Juice Williams, the Next VY?

The Cubs have once again reverted to suck, and I'm desperate for football season to start, so I'm gonna go ahead and do some bold predicting about this guy:

The man pictured above is Isiah "Juice" Williams, about to enter his fourth year as the starting quarterback for the Illinois Fighting Illini. Now Juice was highly touted as the next Vince Young coming into college (and was heavily recruited by Texas for that fact) and Illinois fans were ecstatic when he arrived on campus. His first three years have seen a 2-10 season, a Rose Bowl trip, and a 5-7 roller coaster of disappointment. Each year Juice has progressed as a passer and next year, in my opinion, will be a huge year for him under new offensive coordinator Mike Schultz. Schultz, formerly the highly successful offensive coordinator for Texas Christian, replaces Mike Locksley, who left to coach New Mexico. I'm sure Schultz will find it hard to replace Locksley's brilliant gameplan of Option Left, Option Right, Deep Ball!, Option Left, Sweep, Offensive Penalty, Sack, Punt. I for one expect Juice to improve under Schultz. But how much improvement? For the basis of my theory I turn to a comparison with the aforemention Vince Young. Here's how the two stack up after three years as starting quarterbacks in college:

Juice
Passing-

2006- 12 G, 8 GS. 103/261 (39.5%), 1,489 yds, 5.7 ypa, 9 tds/9 ints, 124.1 ypg, 91.9 rating

2007- 13 G, 13 GS, 153/267 (57.3%), 1,743 yds, 6.5 ypa, 13 tds/12 ints, 134.1 ypg, 119.2 rating

2008- 12 G, 12 GS, 219/381 (57.5%), 3,173 yds, 8.3 ypa, , 22 tds, 16 ints, 264.4 ypg, 138.1 rating

Rushing-

2006- 154 rushes for 576 yds, 2 tds, 3.7 ypa, 48 ypg

2007- 165 for 755 yds, 7 tds, 4.6 ypa, 58.1 ypg

2008- 175 for 719 yds, 5 tds, 4.1 ypa, 59.9 ypg.

Vince Young
Passing-

2003-12 G, 6 GS, 84/143 (58.7%), 1,155 yds, 8.1 ypa, 6 tds, 7 ints, 96.3 ypg, 130.6 rating

2004-12 G, 12 GS, 148/250 (59.2%), 1,849 yds, 7.4 ypa, 12 tds, 11 ints, 128.4 ypg, 128.4 rating

2005-13 G, 13 GS, 212/325 (65.2%), 3,036 yds, 9.3 ypa, 26 td, 10 ints, 233.5 ypg, 163.9 rating.

Rushing-

2003- 135 rushes for 998 yds, 11 tds, 7.4 ypa, 83.1 ypg

2004-167 for 1,079 yds, 14 tds, 6.5 ypa, 89.9 ypg

2005-155 for 1,050 yds, 12 tds, 6.8 ypa, 80.7 ypg

Now, looking at those two lines you can draw a couple conclusions. The most obvious is that Vince Young is clearly better than Juice Williams and you might be quick to jump to the conclusion that I'm a moron. Vince clearly was much more effective when he chose to pull the ball down and run with it, although I can assure you from watching both Texas during Young's career and Illinois for most of my lifetime that Illinois' offensive line has not been anywhere near as effective for Juice as Texas' was for Vince. As for the passing numbers, however, if you throw out their freshmen years, where Vince split playing time with Chance Mock on a 10-3 Texas squad and Juice learned under fire for a 2-10 Illini team, and only look at their sophomore and junior years (Vince left for the NFL before his senior year), it breaks down like this:

Juice-

372/648 (57.4%),7.6 ypa, 4,916 yds,35 tds/29 ints, 130.0 Rating

Vince-

360/575 (62.6%),8.4 ypa, 4,885 yds,38 tds/21 ints, 148.5 Rating

Again, Vince's numbers are still better but the two lines are similar in most areas, with Vince's better completion % being the greatest difference.

All of this brings me to my point. While some feel Juice has progressed slowly or has failed to live up to his hype, in many ways his career progression when compared to a quarterback with a similar skill set in Vince Young seems to have set him up for a hell of a senior year, assuming certain things go his way. These things include:

1. The offensive line. Last year Illinois had one of the youngest offensive lines in the conference, and it showed. They failed to open up rushing lanes for Juce and running back Daniel Dufrene, which put more pressure on Juice to win games with his arm. They also allowed Juice to be sacked 25 times and forced him to hurry throws in many other games (not to mention that since college football subtracts yards lost on sacks from rushing totals for some inane reason, they may have cost Juice up to 163 yards rushing). If the Illini get better play from the offensive line this year, an active running game would take the pressure off of Juice, he'd have more time in the pocket to improve his decision making and accuracy, and he'd be able to rack up more of his own rushing yards. It's not impossible that this could allow Juice to become the third college quarterback with a 3,000 yd passing/1,000 yd rushing season (Vince Young in 2005 and Central Michigan's Dan LeFevour in 2007 are the other two).

2. If Danny Dufrene (or the other backs) step up as well. I realize I blamed a lot of the runningbacks' struggles last year on the line, but much of it was their fault as well. Dufrene was inconsistent at best last year and failed to show the burst that he had shown as the change of pace back to Rashard Mendenhall in 2007. Dufrene or one of the other backs must step up and become a consistent threat in order to prevent other teams from gameplanning solely around Juice.

3. Better offensive playcalling. As I sarcastically noted above, even though Illinois ranked 19th in the nation in total offense (but certainly not scoring, as a team like Iowa scored 30.3 ppg to Illinois 28.7, despite the Illini gaining nearly 65 more yards per game), far too often the Locksley/Zook brain trust seemed hellbent on calling the option at all costs, even when team's like Iowa and Wisconsin stuffed the ever-loving shit out of it, and their passing acumen seemed limited to chucking it up for grabs somewhere near Arrelious Benn or swinging it out to Dufrene. Hopefully Schultz can call a much more effective game.

4. An improved defense. The Illini struggled mightily on defense last season. They allowed 26.6 ppg, good for 9th out of the 11 Big Ten teams. They were a mediocre 6th in total yards allowed per game with 350.3, they were also 6th against the pass, 7th in sacks, and tied for dead last in interceptions, with 6. There is room for hope though, as the team was among the youngest in the conference on that side of the ball, and they return most of their starters on defense. If the defense can actually hold teams in place next year and take the pressure off of both Juice and the coaching staff, that will go a long way in determining the season Juice and the team will have.

Obviously those are four huge "ifs," but all four are attainable and have significant potential to improve this year. With those improvements in place and Juice stepping up in his senior year, he could generate a great deal of buzz and finally play up to his enormous potential.

Then what would happen next? Well with his rocket arm and outstanding mobility surely a great senior year would at least place him in the conversation about the first round of the 2010 NFL draft. Some team will most likely pick him, tantalized by his talent, and here he will truly live up to the Vince Young comparisons by showing off his horrible mechanics and decision making, forcing throws, and eventually being benched for a racist journeyman.

The UFL?

I realize this is now two posts about non-NFL or college football in two days, but the workday is light and quite frankly I'm stubbornly refusing to write about the Cubs until they give me something Worth writing about. So today I'm going to talk about a novel new concept, the United Football League. The UFL is set to kick off with four teams (Las Vegas, Orlando, New York, and San Fransisco) who will also play additional games in Sacramento, Los Angeles, and....Hartford, Connecticut. Because That's an unexploited football mecca. The league will play on Thursdays and Fridays from October to Thanksgiving. Their motto is "Where the Future Stars Come to Play!" which makes many believe that their ultimate goal is to serve as a developmental/minor league for the NFL from which teams can pull midseason replacements or future prospects.

In case you're wondering whether this league will be devoid of talent, I can assure you its every bit as loaded as the star studded rosters of the highly successful XFL! Why begin with the coaching staffs, where successful NFL coaches Dennis Green (113-94), Jim Haslett (47-61), Jim Fassel (58-53), and Ted Cottrell (defensive coordinator for the Bills, Jets, Vikings and Chargers, he was fired from 3 of the 4) all get a crack at the head jobs!

But what about the players on the field? Well besides the HUGE acquisitions of JP Losman and Tim Rattay, and the rumored acquistion of Ken Dorsey and maybe even Michael Vick*, its clear the team will have proven NFL field generals to light up the scoreboard! Curious about even more illustrious NFL and College vets that are going to take these first steps into a bold new football future? Here's the list of talent accumulated in yesterday's UFL draft!

So I know by now you're asking yourself, "Code Red, where the hell can I get in on some UFL action?" Well, by Golly, if you have the Versus Network, tune in this fall! If you don't, ASK YOUR PROVIDER NOW!!! Whats that, you actually want to be a PART of this fantastic experience? Well here's a place to sign up for tryouts! (honest to God loyal SKO readers, please sign up every single fictional football player you can think of. I've already registered Boobie Miles and Chris Rix (okay, not a fictional quarterback, just a really fake one). Get to it, people.

The UFL! Where the Future Stars Come to Play!**


*All kidding aside, how awesome would it be to see Vick exiled to a league of undrafted free agents and has beens. He might actually complete 60% of his passes! But probably not.

** Disclaimer: Probability of witnessing anything resembling past, present or future stars at a UFL game is extremely low.

The Reports of His Demise Have Been Greatly Exaggerated

This guy, with two home runs today and a healthy .285/10/33/.361/.490/.851 line, would like to extend a hearty "fuck you" to any jackass that advocated starting Micah Hoffpauir back in April.

The Canadian Refugee League

Why are there so many men on the field? What the hell is an Aloutte? If ham is Canadian Bacon, what do they call bacon??

A little confession that I've hinted at before on this site. I f*&king love Canadian Football. Granted it ranks below the NFL, NCAA Football, Arena Football, and Arena Football 2 on my ranks of football leagues, but its football nonetheless, and I enjoy watching it late during summer nights on CSN or wherever the hell its on. I love the 120 yard field. I love the 12 man teams. I love the fact that a punt that lands in the end zone is worth one point. I love that Henry Burris is the world's greatest dual threat quarterback when he's north of the border. But what I love most is seeing which former NFL and college players have taken refuge there. Every summer around the time of the Canadian preseason I check to see what notable names are there, and here are a few that I've seen this year:

On the British Columbia Lions-

Jarious Jackson, Quarterback.
Why you should know him: Jackson was a fairly competent starter in college and once held the Notre Dame record for yards, completions, and attempts during the 1999 season (Brady Quinn would later torch them all). He had a 14-10 record during his junior and senior years, the last two of the Bob Davie era in South Bend. After failing as a quarterback and safety in the NFL with the Broncos, Jackson wound up in BC, where he's been the starter the last two years.

Damian Sims, Runningback.
Why you should know him: He was a fairly decent backup for Albert Young at Iowa during the Drew Tate Era.

On the Edmonton Eskimos-

Jared Zabransky, Quarterback.
Why you should know him: He's the redbearded badass that took Boise State to a victory in the Fiesta Bowl over Oklahoma by executing the worlds most beautiful Statue of Liberty Play in 2007. He was also on the cover of NCAA Football 2009.

Ciatrick Fason, Runningback.
Why you should know him: I don't really know, but I remember he played for the Vikings for a few years under Mike Tice when they had nothing resembling a running game.

On the Calgary Stampeders-

HENRY BURRIS, Quarterback.
Why you should know him: Because he's Crazy Legs Mother F*&kin' Burris, That's why. Somewhat of a cult hero at this website, Crazy Legs left a promising career* with the Bears for CFL glory and finally captured his first Grey Cup last year after throwing for 5,094 yards with 39 tds, and running for 595 yards and 5 tds. Here's a video of him OWNING Montreal's Shit-


Drew Tate, Quarterback.
Why you should know him: Because he was a three year starter at Iowa, one of Iggins! most beloved heroes (until Tate's senior year, when a slump led Iggins! to curse his very name),and he is living up to the many Doug Flutie comparisons he earned in college by playing in the CFL.

Matt D'Orazio, Quarterback.
Why you should know him: D'Orazio was a long time quarterback for the Chicago Rush of the Arena Football League and led them to their first Arena Bowl Championship.

On the Hamilton Tiger Cats

David Ball, Wide Receiver
Why you should know him: Broke Jerry Rice's record for most NCAA Division 1AA touchdown catches.

Airese Currie, Wide Receiver
Why you should know him: A fifth round pick of the Bears in 2005, Currie was supposed to be a burner to pair with Mark Bradley and Bernard Berrian, but was injured his entire time with the team.

On the Toronto Argonauts

Cody Pickett, Quarterback
Why you should know him: The all time leader in passing yards, touchdowns, attempts, and completions for the University of Washington, played for the 49ers from 2004-2006and was so desperate to get on the field that he often played special teams and practiced as a wideout and safety.

Zeke Moreno, Linebacker
Why you should know him: A former USC standout who actually started for the Chargers in parts of the 2001-2003 seasons.

Jarrett Payton, Runningback
Why you should know him: The son of the greatest football player in the history of the sport, Jarrett has played for the University of Miami and the Tennessee Titans.

Reggie McNeal, Quarterback
Why you should know him: A four year starter at Texas A&M despite the fact that he sucked eggs, Reggie got the moron that is Dennis Franchione fired, and for that all football fans should be grateful.

For the Montreal Alouettes

Chris Leak, Quarterback
Why you should know him: A four year starter at the University of Florida who won the game MVP when Florida whalloped Ohio State for the national title in January of 2007. Leak then signed with the Bears and actually led some people to root for him to be the third stringer over Kyle Orton. Naturally those people were f*&king wrong.

Adrian McPherson, Quarterback
Why you should know him: A highly touted high school player who was destined for great things at Florida State, got in trouble with the law over a gambling scandal, was banned from playing college football, spent a few years in the Arena Football League and somehow got drafted by the Saints in the fifth round in 2005. Is suing the Tennessee Titans for 20 million dollars because their mascot hit him with a golf cart during a preseason game in 2006.

*Seriously though, he was awful. But I love him nonetheless

Brandon Marshall, Plaxico Burress, and What They Mean to You.

Will Brandon Bring This Awesome Kid With Him? There's a man who looks like a winner!

Most of the recent news surrounding Plaxico Burress seems to have the Bears as one of the four teams that have expressed interest in him. Brandon Marshall loves his former quarterback Jay Cutler and recently has become the second Denver Bronco to storm out and demand a trade. The Bears have a glaring hole at wide receiver that Earl Bennett and Devin Hester's Potential™ probably won't fill all that adequately. So what would be the potential pros and cons of adding either Plaxico or Marshall?

Plaxico's story is pretty long and complicated. Plax was drafted 8th overall by the Steelers in 2000, struggled his rookie year, had some pretty decent years in '02 and '03 and bitched his way out of town by constantly complaining about Bill Cowher's conservative offensive style. He signed with the Giants where between constantly feuding with Tom Coughlin and being the one reliable target for the erratic early years of Eli Manning he managed to catch a touchdown in the Superbowl (one of only two catches he made, but still). This year he started off poorly with a contract hold out, was suspended and fined 45,000 dollars by the team for breaking team rules and then ended his season after shooting himself in the leg when he confused sweat pants for a holster. He sounds perfect, I know.

On the field Plaxico is one hell of a deep threat, however. Throughout his career he's averaged 15.5 yards per catch and is 10th among all active players with 55 touchdown receptions. He's had four seasons of 1,000 yards receiving despite never having more than 78 catches in a single season. With Jay Cutler heaving him the ball, it could be a beautiful thing.

Brandon Marshall's connection with Jay Cutler is already well established. For the last two years, both Cutler and Marshall's first two seasons as full time starters, they've combined for 206 receptions, 2,590 yards and 13 touchdowns. Marshall averages a pretty healthy 12.8 yards per catch in his career. He has struggled mightily with dropped passes, especially last year, in which he dropped 18, something he blamed on nerve damage in his arm resulting from smashing it into a tv during a wrestling match with his brother. So that's something.

Marshall's off the field rapsheet is just plain awful, and I'm not gonna detailing all of it but the guy's been arrested or questioned by the cops at least eight times in the last two years, was suspended three games last year (he got it reduced to one by promising good behavior. Then he got arrested in March), and nearly all of the incidents are related to domestic violence against his girlfriend. So we're picking between the guy that shot himself or the guy that frequently abuses his girlfriend (though Burress has also been questioned for domestic violence in the past).

All things considered, the best bet for the Bears would be Plaxico. Marshall's already facing a probable suspension this upcoming season (Roger Goodell does not like to be lied to, see Johnson, Tank or Jones, Adam for details), and would require a raise and a much longer deal from any team that trades for him. With his frequent troubles one can expect that Marshall would become a problem if he stays around too long. Plaxico, however, seems to have gotten his trial put off until 2010 and would probably be willing to sign a one year deal or perhaps a one year + option deal and may represent the much smaller risk. With the Bears in what should be a "win now" mode, I would go for Plaxico, though, really, chances are they wont pick up either receiver. How about that Earl Bennett?

Good News: Kyle Orton Named Starter in Denver, Bad News: Where the F*&k is the Neckbeard?

The good, if unsurprising news, comes from Yahoo! Sports. Some good quotes from the article:

From his coach:

“There’s a lot of difficult aspects about what we ask our quarterback to do in our offense and Kyle has really grasped some of them more quickly than Chris did,” McDaniels said in explaining the move after the second day of a three-day minicamp at the team’s Dove Valley headquarters.

From Kyle:

“I’m obviously really excited,” said Orton, who was a key piece to the Cutler deal that also included four high draft picks. “It’s really just the beginning for me in this offense and hopefully I’ll continue to improve every day and get the offense where we need to be come the season.”

From Kyle's beaten rival, Chris Simms:

"“Kyle’s extremely underrated,” Simms said. “I’ve always felt that way. He was underrated in college and with the Bears. He throws the ball very well. He’s a smart guy. He’s a big guy. There’s a lot of plusses with Kyle.”

Chris also added "I should know, I beat out Major Applewhite!" (this has nothing to add to the story, I just like to work in references to Major Applewhite whenever I can.)

In all honesty it shouldn't be that surprising to anyone that the guy that clearly swayed McDaniels to choose the Bears offer over anyone else's for Cutler was able to beat the free agent pick up who has thrown two passes in the NFL since his spleen exploded three seasons ago. I'd be a little bit embarassed and would probably drink heavily if our Hero failed to accomplish that. The question now is what Kyle will be able to accomplish in Denver since the fans are merciless when it comes to quarterbacks, the coach has shown enough of a steady hand since taking over that he's only driven his franchise quarterback away and seen his top wide receiver skip offseason workouts and threaten a holdout. What the hell, Kyle'll throw for 4,000 yards and activate the clause in his contract that'll require the Broncos to fill a swimming pool full of Jack Daniels and older women for him.

But that's what I think. Let me know what you think! Over on the right side of the page take the poll and tell me how many yards KO will rape the skies over the Mile High City for.

The real question in all of this, though, is where the hell did the neckbeard go? Has the stifling oppression of the Rocky Mountain mentality forced Kyle to fall in line? Shall we stand this injustice! Mais non! Don't let them change who you are Kyle! The neckbeard is you, and you are the neckbeard!

Rex the Texan

Rex Grossman has signed with the Texans, where, in the indignity of indignities, he's expected to compete for the third spot on the depth chart behind Matt Schaub and Dan Orlovsky. Schaub has missed 10 games over the last two years and has never started a full 16 game slate, so it seems likely that at some point during the season Rex will at least be the back up. Orlovsky has never really impressed anyone and showed off his stellar pocket presence last year by running out of the end zone and remaining blissfully ignorant of that fact. He was also the primary starter for the 0-16 train wreck last year. For Rex's sake I can hope that with a depth chart like that he'll find himself back on the field, in which case his arm paired with Andre Johnson might lead to some big games. I bear none of the rage toward Rex that certain Bears fans do and I'd certainly like to see him succeed.

Lets Toss Cookies at Jerry Angelo!

You really have to love the compliant attitudes of team beat writers, be it Carrie Muskat of the Cubs or Larry Mayer of the Bears. In a segment on ChicagoBears.com in which Mayer gets to ask several questions of Bears general manager Jerry Angelo, Mayer pretty much sets up Angelo for a few meat pitches to hit out of the park, which is a bit frustrating coming from one person with unfettered access to the organization. Mayer's questions in bold, Angelo's answers in italics, my brilliance in neither.

LM: Jay Cutler hasn’t missed a single day of the offseason program since he was acquired by the Bears on April 2. How pleased are you with the attitude and leadership skills he has displayed?

This is a wonderful cookie of a question. Let me translate "Just so we can spare you having to bear any uncomfortable questions about anything else you could have done this offseason, lets start off with a reminder that you've acquired Jay Cutler and just ask, hey man, how awesome is Jay Cutler?"

JA: I’ve been very pleased with his day-to-day attitude, and obviously it’s reflected with his work ethic and how he’s approached things. He’s rolled up his sleeves and he’s gone to work. He’s certainly not resting on any laurels. He’s come in here to prove himself and establish himself. I think we’re all impressed with that—I’m talking about coaches and players—because that’s the right way to do it. He’s got to earn his stripes here, and by showing up and doing the things that he’s doing every day, he’s doing it the right way.

Translation: He is SOOO Awesome.

LM: In a leadership position like quarterback, what kind of message does that send to the rest of the team?

Translation: OMG, like, Seriously, does everyone ELSE on the team totally think Jay Cutler is Awesome??

JA: To me, leadership is based on actions. When you come in, it’s your actions that lead because that’s how you gain people’s respect. It’s what you do every day and obviously it starts with your work ethic. I’ve never seen a leader without a great work ethic. Every leader I’ve ever been around has spoke volumes with his actions. It’s not just words, it’s not hype and it’s not some rah-rah thing that we sometimes equate leadership to. The guy doesn’t say much, and he doesn’t need to say a lot because his actions do his speaking.

Translation: Nobody really likes to talk to the kid because they're not sure how to react to a neckbeard-less quarterback.

LM: Which players have impressed you most in the first four OTA practices?

Translation: Jerry, which one of your unimpressive mid level draft picks expected to fill one of the glaring holes in the secondary or receiver corps would you like to blow smoke about so we forget that Anquan Boldin, TJ Houshmandzadeh, and Torry Holt were all available this offseason and none of them are playing catch with Cutler?

JA: There have been a handful of guys. Jamar Williams has done a nice job. You can see the athlete that he is. It’s his awareness and confidence levels that stand out. Craig Steltz looks like he’s taking a step. I really like the way Earl Bennett is attacking his role as one of the lead receivers. I feel he’s really showing the things that we all saw back in college. Devin Hester looks like he’s learning the little nuances. I’m watching Devin and he’s just not all speed at receiver. He’s doing things like setting up DBs; he’s getting a feel for that. He’s looking more natural as a receiver. Those are just a few guys. I know I’m missing other guys. I’ve seen Zac Bowman do things out there, looking like we saw him in the short time that we had him last year as well. For the most part, we’re seeing a lot of good things. You can throw Kellen Davis in there too. I’m real happy about the guys who are graduating into their second year in particular in what we’ve seen so far.

Jamar Williams? That guy we heard about for a few years as a surefire replacement for Lance Briggs should he depart? The one who showed us his potential by losing a job to Nick Roach? Where is Craig Steltz stepping? Is he backpedalling until he might finally be able to avoid getting beat on a deep post? Thank God Hester's learning the nuances, though I could swear I heard the same line before last season about how "polished" he was becoming.

LM: From what I’ve seen, no one has made more plays on defense in the OTA practices than Jamar Williams. It seemed like everyone was mentioning him as a possible heir apparent to Lance Briggs (before Briggs signed a long-term extension), but then Nick Roach passed Williams on the depth chart last season. Is it just a matter of the light finally going on for Williams?

Or its the fact that Roach made a pedestrian 38 tackles last year without a single sack, tackle for loss, forced fumble, or interception and they realize fans might actually start to want Hunter Hillenmeyer back in that spot, even though we derided him for four and a half seasons as the weakest link on the defense, so its time to make Jamar Williams sound good again.

JA: It’s not so much that the light has gone on. I feel like it’s more about the opportunity. The coaches made a decision between Jamar and Nick and they obviously opted to go with Nick, but to me it was a photo finish. We’ve always liked Jamar. I think he’s a three-down player. He’s bright, he’s athletic, he’s fast and he’s tough. There’s nothing not to like about him. What we’re seeing now is what we saw when he was in college and what we drafted.

Its good that going into his fourth year in the league we're seeing what he showed in college.

LM: Aside from the players you already mentioned, who are you most interested in watching over the final 10 OTA practices?

Seriously? He named like half the team earlier, who else's name are you seeking? This is a really, really weak question.

JA: I’m not necessarily looking at an individual as I am looking at positions. I want to watch the secondary. We have some veterans there as well as some young guys, and I want to see how that’s meshing together. I’ll also watch the receiver position. Much has been said about it, and I’m understanding of that.

Well thank God our GM understands we're a bit concerned about a receiver corps that ranked near dead last in just about every category and a secondary that ranked 30th against the pass. He doesn't seem to get why our fears aren't alleviated by Juaquin Iglesias and Josh Bullocks, however.

LM: There’s been a lot of speculation about the Bears possibly adding a veteran wide receiver before training camp. What is the likelihood of that happening?

Ah yes, an important question! Although I would have phrased it more like "Jerry, our receiving corps is such a joke that the Onion has mocked it, and several talented veterans have been available this offseason, could you please just add one of them?"

JA: I can’t say that it’s 50/50 or anything like that. We plan on going into training camp with what we have right now. I don’t have any visions of grandeur that a No.1 receiver is going to fall out of the sky and onto our doorstep. There aren’t many No. 1 receivers in the NFL. There are probably as few of them as there are special quarterbacks, so it’s a little bit of a misnomer to think that that player is out there and he’s available. We’ll always look at any player that we feel can help our football team, but we do feel good about the cast of players that we have at that position.

Well, that's a lot of words to say "it's not gonna happen."

LM: Tommie Harris has missed the first few OTAs while resting his knee. How concerned are you that his knee will be a long-term issue that affects his play this season and for the rest of his career?

It is a bit terrifying when the 26 year old keystone of your defensive scheme can't seem to stay healthy, so I'm glad this question was asked.

JA: There’s no major concern with him. He’s going to be up and going at some point here in the OTAs. We feel good about where he’s at medically. There’s nothing to be alarmed about. This is the offseason. We want to make sure that we take care of our players to the best of our ability and we’re always going to err on the side of caution in the offseason. He’s got an issue with his knee; we know that. He has to be smart about it, which he is. We’ve got to be smart about it, which we are. Is his knee pristine? No. it’s not. But it’s not something that he can’t perform well with. We’ve been real smart about how to bring Tommie along in terms of his training program. He’s not the only player. There are customized programs for most of our players because we don’t want the wear and tear to happen during the offseason. We just want to be smart about how we bring our players along. We don’t want to waste any mileage that players have in the offseason. The wear and tear comes during the season, not the offseason. The offseason is dedicated to conditioning, strengthening and training our players within our offensive and defensive schemes.

...Nothing about that made me feel better.

I realize this article was particularly bile fueled for someone who is actually optimistic about this season, but its undeniably frustrating to think that Angelo and the organization might just rest on the Jay Cutler acquisition while ignoring the holes that could be easily tweaked in order to vault this team easily to the top of their division. I'd just like to ask Jerry a few questions myself.

Lyoto Machida... God?

I realize this blog is more about Chicago sports and not MMA (and also that my last post here was posted sometime during the Cold War) but honestly I don't give a fuck. At UFC 98 Lyoto Machida destroyed Rashad Evans to claim the most contested belt in MMA, the UFC Light Heavyweight title. In doing so it seems that many people are making him out to be Jesus. Machida is, to be truthful, my favorite fighter, but I can easily put aside my bias to disect the possibilities of him being defeated. Let's go through the division to see if anyone can beat the Machida karate black belt.

CONTENDER 1!: Quinton "Rampage" Jackson
-I love Quinton. He's hilarious, he has completely disregarded the need for any kind of ground game outside of "GET THA FUCK OFFA ME!" and "BITCH IMA PUNCH AND SLAM YO ASS!", and best of all he can actually beat the hell out of people who know that. The differences between Rashad and Rampage though, sadly, aren't very big. The only difference is Rampage has better striking (he could be the best boxer in the UFC) and his blocking is better. But the difference will look negligible when he fights Machida, who can't be hit by the slightly slower-than-Rashad strikes Rampage will throw. And Rampage sure as hell isn't taking Machida down.
THREAT?: NO

-Also, let's throw Wanderlei Silva into this category as well. His strategy would be about the same, and after all, he's just too old.

CONTENDER 2!: Forrest Griffin
-Yes Griffin DID just lose to Rashad, who just lost to Machida, but Griffin was doing well in that fight until he got caught a couple times. If Forrest would stop underestimating his OWN jujitsu he might have-scratch that- WOULD have beaten Rashad. (It also wouldn't hurt if he started bleeding a little... it seems like he can't win if his face isnt soaked in blood). If Griffin can do that against Machida he may very well have a chance on the ground. standing, Forrest is best when using his kicks... and kicks are what Machida loves. Forrest is an extremely intelligent fighter, so he'll probably take the fight to the ground. If he succeeds in that he may be able to beat Lyoto... but it's still only a tiny chance because Lyoto is no slouch on the ground either.
THREAT?: He has a shot... maybe 25%

CONTENDER 3!: Anderson "The Spider" Silva
-The reason Silva is listed at number 3 here is because I don't think he'll pull his head out of his ass fast enough and Forrest is going to knock him unconcious. HOWEVER, if he does manage to awaken his killer instinct fighting Forrest (which is 100% what Dana White and Joe Silva are trying to do at UFC 101) the Spider will be Lyoto's toughest test. It would be the meeting of two fighters who appear, from all angles, to be invincible. Silva has so many different ways to hurt you its (seemingly) impossible to read his attacks. It is this quality that could prove to be the only REAL threat to a long, long Machida title defense.
THREAT?: If he's back to his old self; 50-50 chance. If he's not, we won't have to worry about it.

FINAL CONTENDER: Mauricio "Shogun" Rua
-I am only adding Shogun so I can dis him. This guy was so unprepared and unconditioned for the Coleman fight that he couldn't knock out a guy WHO WAS DEAD for 3 full rounds. Then he knocks out Chuck Liddell and people think he's back? Are you nuts? EVERYBODY KNOCKS OUT LIDDELL! The guy blocks with his face! Shogun has one more shot to impress against somebody (winner of Griffin-Silva or maybe Rashad Evans) before I pronounce him dead for good. He hasn't looked impressive for about 18 months. Threaten Jesus? I don't think so.
THREAT?: FUCK AND NO.

Essentially, Machida is doing something I have always wondered about. These days fighters seem absolutely sure that the way to victory in MMA is through either Boxing or Muay Thai, a solid wrestling base, and/or BJJ skills. But what if somebody actually mastered a different martial art? Stepped outside the box? Machida has done that and the results aren't that surprising. His footwork is probably the prettiest thing I've ever seen, he has no hesitation to exploit an opening, and his strikes are dead on. He is the closest thing to an unbeatable fighter there is. Enjoy watching him while you can until he inevitably rises to Heaven to reign over us for a millenia.

I'm Sorry Kyle

...that you have to put up with this god awful Denver sportwriting. Now, since the Cutler-Orton trade, I've operated, as have most intelligent Bears fans, on the following few assumptions.

1. Kyle Orton is a good quarterback.
2. Jay Cutler is a better quarterback than Kyle Orton
3. The Broncos have a more talented skill set on offense than the Bears.

This has led me to form the opinion that Kyle Orton will put up better numbers for the Broncos than he did for the Bears, but he will not put up the numbers Jay Cutler did in that same offense. Likewise, Jay Cutler will put up less impressive numbers in Chicago than he did in Denver, but will be much better than Kyle Orton was for the Bears last year. This makes any direct comparison between the statistics of the two absolutely pointless. That's why this article by some tool at the InDenver Times (InDenver? What the hell..?) named Hunter Ansley, entitled "The case for Kyle Orton as an upgrade" is a bit...well...terrible. So today I'm going to break this thing down. His quotes in italics.

There is now an unmistakable intertwinement lashing the New England Patriots to the Denver Broncos. When the second-biggest name in Broncos history walked away from the sidelines after an abysmal home stretch that saw the franchise drown in the wake of a possible playoff birth, Pat Bowlen turned to the Patriots and happily plucked their freshest face. From that moment on, there has been no mistaking whose team this is. The Broncos belong to Josh McDaniels.The rest of the rope comes from seemingly parallel circumstances that, on the surface, appeared damning to the future success of each program. For the Patriots it was the sickening deflation of watching Chiefs safety Bernard Pollard clear Tom Brady’s schedule. There’s still no word on the exact amount Giselle paid for all that extra “Tom time.”

I would suggest to anyone who is interested in writing something that will be read by the public that they should first glance at the Six Rules written by George Orwell in "Politics and the English Language," specifically Rule No.2 - never use a long word where a short one will do. "Unmistakeable intertwinement?" Seriously? How hard is it to say "there's an unmistakeable connection" or "they will forever be linked?" Anyways, apparently the euphemism for Pat Bowlen canning the most successful coach in Bronco's history is that he "walked away from the sidelines" The last two sentences of this paragraph are just pure garbage. I honestly can't tell what he means by "The rest of the rope comes from seemingly parallel circumstances that, on the surface, appeared damning to the future success of each program." He says in the next sentence that the damning circumstance for the Patriots is the destruction of Tom Brady's knee, which, given Bill Belichick's intelligence, would seem to dictate that he's probably well on his way to recovery or else they'd not have tossed Cassel away. And is he implicating that Giselle paid Bernard Pollard to take out Tom Brady's knee? Seriously...I have no idea what that lame attempt at a joke was meant to do.

But for the Broncos, the saga was more grueling, more excruciating, and so scintillatingly drawn out. Watching McDaniels and Jay Cutler slowly dig the trench between them was a tedious task. The fans in Denver weren’t afforded the luxury of having a split-second decision forcefully made for them. We watched. And we waited. And we all knew the eventual outcome, regardless of our allegiance. And when it came, the decision to trade Cutler was less painful than the process that preceded it.

Those poor Denver fans. It's not like they've mercilessly attacked every QB from Brian Griese (which I'm totally behind) to a relatively successful Jake Plummer in an unfair comparison to one of the top five quarterbacks of all time, one that, you know, retired a decade ago.

Now there is a new hope, though at first glance his springs seem less eternal. Kyle Orton is the 40-watt to Cutler’s halogen. But if you paid any attention in 2008, the electrician on the scene is tailor-made for the situation. If McDaniels can conjure an 11-win season out of a Brady-less Patriots team, how could anyone else be up to the task of replacing the most talented prima donna Mile High has ever seen?

"His springs seem less eternal." My lord I have never seen someone so bad at trying to make a clever play on words. I don't believe the expression has ever referred to actual, mechanical springs, which he's using here to talk about.....Kyle's....arms...? Also, I forgot Josh McDaniel's conjured an 11 win season out the Patriots. That Belichick asshole probably just took all the credit. It must have been hard to conjure 11 wins out of a team that only had a back up quarterback with four years of experience in the system, one of the best receiving corps in the league, a stellar offensive line, a top of the line defense, and one of the best (and most evil) head coaches ever. I mean he engineered one hell of a turnaround from a team that was a pathetic 16-0 last year.

There was an aftershock of dismay when the fans around Denver learned that divisional rival Kansas City had landed McDaniels’ golden goose, Matt Cassell. And when Orton, the man who had unselfishly charged himself with bringing the neck beard into the public eye, donned a different shade of orange and blue, the discontent blossomed.

Actually, I bet the dismay was more along the lines of "why the fuck are we going after Matt Cassel when Cutler is better?" And don't try to get on our good sides by mentioning the glorious neckbeard.

But what exactly did the Broncos get in Orton?

He’s certainly no Cutler. His arm won’t team with the ball to leave welts on receivers’ stomachs. But it is strong. Strong enough to battle the winds that whip through Soldier Field on a weekly basis. He won’t scramble like a bat out of hell to pick up a 3rd and 10, but he can move. He has consistently shown the ability to listen to his internal clock and evade pressure long enough to avoid statue status.

Other quarterbacks whose arms have been strong enough to throw in the overrated wind at Soldier Field- Shane Matthews, Cade McNown, Brian Griese, Chris Chandler, Craig Krenzel, Steve Walsh. All textbook examples of strong arms. I want you to note in this paragraph how he dismisses Cutler's ability to run for first downs and praises Orton's ability not to get sacked. It'll be important later.

Perhaps more important, he won’t force passes into triple coverage because of a fallible sense of hubris in his arm strength. Orton has been labeled a “safe quarterback.” While that stigma may cause cringes in the guts of those used to watching a take-no-prisoners gunslinger whip the ball across the field, it should be viewed as an upgrade.

This is my favorite myth ever- the caretaker quarterback. Proponents of this theory usually point to Trent Dilfer or Brad Johnson and say that you don't need a good quarterback to win the Superbowl. Its mostly crap. True, you can make the quarterback far less important if you happen to have one of the greatest defenses of all time, but for the most part a working offense is necessary to get anywhere in the NFL. Kyle was not a "safe quarterback" for the first half of the year he was flinging it with the best of them and made smart decisions. Then the ankle injury occurred, and while it slowed him briefly, it cannot be the sole reason for the incredibly poor decisions, and I really hate saying this, that he made down the stretch last year during his 121-221, 54.8%, 1,195 yd, 170.7 ypg, 5.4 YPA, 8 td, 8 int, 67.2 rating second half. Some of the awful interceptions thrown in the game at Minnesota, the miracle win against Green Bay, and the poor game against the Saints were just plain terrible passes.

There’s no denying the fact that Cutler was forced to pass more often than Einstein in elementary school, but the sidelines exist for a reason. There is a back to each end zone that provides more intelligent quarterbacks with a safe haven for the ball when the receivers are hidden behind defenders. Cutler ignored these areas more times than not. His 18 interceptions were second only to the aging Brett Favre’s. Orton and his 12 picks took a back seat to Cutler. His numbers had him tied with Peyton Manning and ahead of Tony Romo and Super Bowl champion Ben Roethlisberger.

Actually Albert Einstein didn't speak until he was four and was mostly a poor student in his early years, and a few teachers actually described him as mentally slow, so there goes yet another of his lame attempts at wordplay. Also, way to point out, while apparently making the argument that interceptions are just the worst team destroying thing ever, that the Super Bowl Champion Quarterback had more of them than Kyle Orton. Also, I'll take 25-18 vs 18-12.

I know what everyone is thinking. Cutler may have turned it over at an accelerated rate, but he sure scored more. But take a look at the seasons both were having before Orton injured his ankle in week nine. Through eight games, Cutler had found the end zone 15 times through the air, but he’d also found an opponent on 10 occasions. Orton was looking like his team’s MVP with an efficiently productive 10-4 ratio. The Broncos were 4-4, having just dropped three straight contests. The Bears were 5-3 coming off of back-to-back victories.

Everyone is thinking that because its true. And logical. And its why Jay Cutler is a better quarterback. And apparently, the fact that Bears were 1 game better than the Broncos at the half is proof positive that Kyle is better than Cutler....how? Whether the Bears had won two in a row the Broncos had lost 3 in a row is irrelevant...it's one game.

And before you tell me the Bears defense was light years ahead of Denver’s, I’ll remind you that a mere 40 yards per game separated the two statistically. Is it just me, or is Orton’s facial hair looking a little less unkempt and a little more chic?

Wow. This is just an awful use of statistics. For the record that "mere" 40 yards difference was the difference between the Bears 21st ranked defense and the Broncos 29th. Hell, if its just a mere 40 yards, lets subtract 40 yards from the Bears and see where that puts them...oh, apparently that makes them a top 10 defense. Which they clearly weren't. Also, the Bears allowed 21.9 ppg, the Broncos allowed 28.0 ppg. So yeah, as crappy as the Bears defense was last year, they Were light years ahead of the Denver.

Now factor in the truth that in Chicago he played behind a line that allowed 29 sacks while Cutler roamed free behind the NFL’s best blockers and was only taken to the turf a dozen times. And the weapons around each passer? It’s not even close. Kleenex Jay was gifted with Brandon Marshall, Eddie Royal and Tony Scheffler. Gillette Orton had . . . Devin Hester. When you get right down to it, bringing in a guy who enjoyed even a deli slice of success with perhaps the worst receiving corps in the country is a good move when you consider the skill-spike in playmakers he’ll now get to utilize. Orton will only get better with upgraded talent fighting beside him. Yes, he will miss Matt Forte in the backfield, but the Broncos just plucked Knowshon Moreno with the 12th pick. There wasn’t a more talented runner in the draft who catches the ball as well as the newest face of the Denver ground game.

See this is why I told you to pay attention earlier when he ignored Cutler's mobility but praised Orton's ability to avoid the rush. Here he points out how many times Orton got sacked and ignores the possibility that Cutler's mobility contributed to the low number of times he was sacked. You know what's a better move than bringing in a guy who had a little amount of success last year with a less talented offense than the one he's moving to? Keeping the guy who had a Lot of success with that same offense.

Pat Bowlen works in mysterious ways. Though it may have been viewed as literally dropping the ball, missing out on Cassell was the best thing that could have happened to this franchise. If Cutler’s departure was a foregone conclusion, and it was, then bringing in a quarterback who fits McDaniels’ system as well as his former New England protégé was a coup.

Ho. Ly. Shit. Did this guy literally just switch gears in the middle of an article about Orton being an upgrade over Cutler into Orton being an upgrade over Cassel...who was never a Bronco? That's just horrible writing.

Orton has been playing in a Chicago system that stressed his weaknesses. He was never a smooth fit in a vertical scheme. Finding a round hole for a circular quarterback is paramount. I don’t care how good of a kayaker you are, you’ll always lose to a cyclist in a road race. This is a quarterback who put up 31 touchdowns against only five interceptions in a collegiate offense that more closely resembles what McDaniels will do than any other offense in the league. And what was Cassell doing during Orton’s spectacular senior season? He was in his final year of modeling Trojans ball caps while studying the moles on the back of Pete Carroll’s neck.

Wait. The Bears have a vertical scheme? Is that why Orton only attempted 59 passes longer than 20 yards out of his 465 attempts for a whopping 12.6%? You're right, Ron Turner's a regular Air Coryell. Also, I can say that whatever Orton or Cassell did in college is irrelevant now, given that they're both in their 5th year in the NFL and Cassell performed well (albeit as a system quarterback) last year, proving his lack of college experience was probably mitigated by three years learning the system behind one of the best quarterbacks in history.

So, while Cassell may have been the popular choice to replace Cutler, this season will see Brady’s former backup work to avoid a sophomore slump for the first time since his second year of high school football. Orton, on the other hand, will be settling in as a fifth-year veteran of the league. While Cassell gazed at his cuticles grasping a clipboard on so many sidelines, Orton was learning by doing at the highest level in the world. His arm is stronger. His active career has been longer, and his future is brighter because you cannot inject experience into a player. I don’t care what Major League Baseball says.

Orton was drafted in 2005. Cassell was drafted in 2005. Meaning...wait for it, yes, Cassell is actually Not a sophomore, and is in fact also a fifth year veteran, one with 30 career games vs. Orton's...33. Orton has been a full time starter for two of his four previous years, and sat the bench the two years in between, Cassell has been a full time starter for one year. The difference in experience between the two is hardly that extreme. Also, way to end with yet another horrible, horrible joke. This guy's so horrible at his job I'm astounded he doesn't work for the Sun Times.

Well, Kyle, good luck in Denver, just don't answer any of this guy's questions.

It's Purely Statistical, Sean...

That bastard Randy Wells, disregarding Sean Marshall's feelings.

0-1, 5.87 ERA, 2.35 WHIP, .300 BAA

3-1, 2.90 ERA, 1.226 WHIP, .216 BAA

0-0, 0.00 ERA, 1.041 WHIP, .167 BAA

Those are three stat lines important to this discussion. The first is Neal Cotts' line this year, which we can all pretty much assume by now just isn't going to get better, given his 4.55 career era and 1.466 career WHIP. The second is what Sean Marshall has done in his career as a reliever (vs. 15-23, 4.73 ERA, 1.425 WHIP, .269 BAA starting). The third is what Randy Wells has done in the first 16.1 innings of his major league career, and its why he needs to be the fifth starter for the foreseeable future.

Now I don't know that Randy Wells is capable of continuing to pitch all that effectively as the fifth starter. His career minor league numbers are pretty decent (43-27, 3.74 ERA, 1.336 WHIP) and he was off to the best start of his career at Iowa before the call up, so that gives some reasons for optimism. The fact of the matter is that this team will be better if Wells continues to pitch quality innings as the fifth starter when Zambrano comes back and Marshall moves to the pen and makes Neal Cotts completely irrelevant. There's really no downside to this unless one considers Sean Marshall's feelings, which I don't. If Wells works as the fifth starter, Marshall immediately makes the bullpen more effective, which as we all know is a necessity as so far the only pitchers that have been reliable more often than not are Marmol and Angel Guzman. If Marshall moves to the pen not only does he fill the LOOGY role that, while overrated, seems important to Lou, but he's a guy Lou has faith in and will pitch in a much bigger role than that as well. If Wells starts to fumble you can always move Marshall back to the rotation.

I've heard some pretty inane arguments against this move, from "Marshall deserves it" to "call up a lefty from Iowa." The problem with the first argument is simple. Who cares? Yeah, I too think Sean Marshall could develop into a solid middle of the rotation starter. The problem? He hasn't particularly grabbed the job by the balls with his 4.73 ERA as a starter. If he deserves it so much, he could probably have taken it by now. This team needs to win now, and Marshall is more helpful to them in the pen at this time. In the future he may benefit them more in the rotation, in which case....he goes back. It's not rocket science, people. The second one sounds great. The only problem is there's not a single left hander at Iowa or even the entire minor league system who is even on the 40 man roster. Not a single one. This means there'd have to be several moves to displace someone from the roster and call up either Jason Waddell (5.73 ERA), Jayson Ruhlman (10.57 ERA) or journeyman JR Mathes. I'm not really all that inspired by those options.

So we're left with the fact that Wells should start, if only for a few games to see if he's a real big leaguer or just a mirage, and Marshall should go to the pen, more because of Neal Cotts' failings rather than his own. Sorry Sean, but this is how its gotta be.

ESPN and Favre....Again

This place was, believe it or not, once primarily a football site, and I'd like to take a minute to address some ESPN schlop about the rumors that Favre will play this year for the Minnesota Vikings, while I'd love to put it as eloquently as Big Daddy Drew of Kissing Suzy Kolber, I'm just going to break down this article by Gene Wojciechowski entitled "Brett Favre is considering a comeback, and he's still worth watching." His quotes in italics.

I know what some of you are thinking about this Brett Favre-in-The Color Purple-scenario: He's animal crackers, he's almonds and cashews -- nuts, he's absolutely lost the football laces to his mind.

Ho Ho! Not at all what I'm thinking. Is Brett insane? No, not at all. Greedy? Absolutely. Does he have an incredibly delusional sense of self importance thats been reinforced over the last ten years by fawning media yuppies while his career has continued a never ending death spiral with just one outlier in 2007? Without a doubt. Does he probably lie awake at night terrifed to contemplate walking away from the game because he can't find validation without Peter King writing every fucking week about his legend like its a Norse Saga? Yes. (But really, he could still retire for good and Peter would find away to praise him every week).

And even though I'm the resident ESPN defender of all things Favre (with the exception of those Wrangler commercials, the ones in which male models try to block for Favre in a pick-up football game), I understand where you're coming from on this. You've had it with the multiple retirements, the comebacks, the waffling. You want him on a riding lawnmower in Mississippi or in a television booth come September. Anywhere but in an NFL uniform and in a huddle, right?

The resident defender of Favre? Does that imply that someone, ANYONE on ESPN actually criticizes The Gunslinger? If so where has That guy been since about 1998? Is he chained up in a boiler room next to the guy who tried arguing that Major League Baseball has Central and Western divisions as well as Eastern? And I don't want Favre in a television booth in September. I don't want him in a television booth at all. My God. Can you imagine the hypocrisy of Brett analyzing the play of other quarterbacks? Is he going to criticize the decision making of Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, or any of the other bajillion quarterbacks that have a better touchdown-to-interception ratio than him? That will be laughable.

But one person's Favre fatigue is another person's possible quarterback answer. And that person is Minnesota Vikings coach Brad Childress, who at least owes it to himself and his team to kick the tires on the No. 4-mobile.

I don't know whether the 39-year-old Favre has another season in him, but I'd like to find out. Because for all the Favre-related complaining and eye-rolling by his critics and skeptics, the NFL is more interesting with him than without him.

Brad Childress may care about what he owes to himself, but he sure as shit doesn't care about what he owes to his team. If he did, he wouldn't have reached in the second round a few years ago to grab Tavaris Jackson out of Alabama State. He wouldn't have allowed Brad Johnson on a football field. Ever. He wouldn't have waffled between Jackson and GUS FREROTTE last year. Hell, there are a thousand ways to improve the quarterback position. Childress has spent three years pissing on all of them because clearly his time as the Eagles offensive coordinator allowed him to learn from Andy Reid all of the ways to abuse the quarterback position. And No. The NFL is not more interesting with Brett Favre. Its not. The average football fan is sick and fucking tired of Brett Favre news. We will change the fucking channel every time they break into a separate game to show us another of Favre's career milestones that are cheap and hollow because they've come at the expense of crippling two franchises and a third soon to come. If the sports media knew Anything about how to maintian their viewers interest they'd chain up King, Madden, Collinsworth and every other broadcaster who can't keep focus enough on a game between the Bears and the Buccaneers without finding some fucking way to mention Favre. I can't WAIT to hear every single comparison Jay Cutler gets to Favre. It was so much fun with Grossman the first time around. Until the media tore him apart for poor decision making.

Can he still play? Until a torn right biceps tendon affected his arm strength, it looked like he could. The New York Jets won five more with Favre as their QB than they did a season earlier. Favre stunk it up down the stretch, but he wasn't the only Jet with an odor. It was a team of finger-pointers -- some of them anonymously pointed at Favre -- who played the convenient blame game.

Oh yes. The torn bicep. Favre was hurt! You can't blame him! Granted, he'd never actually take time off to heal an injury when it might affect his precious Iron Man streak. This reminds me of the thumb injury he had in 2003. Whenever he gashed a team for 300 yards, well, aww, shucks, ya know, the thumb don't really affect me all that much. Then when he laid an egg and lost to the godawful Lions on Thanksgiving the tv cameras zoomed in on the splint every fucking time they had the chance in order to subconsciously plant the idea that "IS NOT BRETT FAULT! HE HURT THUMB!!!" and of course Brett blamed his "bad grip" right after the game was over. The truth is the Jets improved primarily on the play of both their defensive and offensive lines because of pickups like Alan Faneca and Kris Jenkins. Also, some of them weren't pointed anonymously at Favre. Thomas Jones came out and said he should have been benched. God Bless Thomas Jones.

Old or not, the Green Bay Packers thought he could still play a season ago -- just not for them. But that didn't stop Packers management from inserting a poison pill clause in Favre's Jets deal. Trade him to a team in the NFC North -- home of the Packers, Detroit Lions, Chicago Bears and Favre's original post-Green Bay choice, the Vikings -- and the Jets would owe Green Bay three first-round picks.

If Favre and his sometimes knuckleheaded agent, Bus Cook (see Cook's comments comparing his client Jay Cutler to Tom Brady and the Manning brothers), manipulated the circumstances to create a 2009 opportunity with the Vikings, then good for them. After all, the Packers manipulated the circumstances to limit Favre's playing opportunities in 2008. All's fair in trade clauses and retirement announcements.

Oh yes, the Packers still thought he could play. That's why Ted Thompson had been trying to pressure him into retirement from the day he got there and probably cursed the Gods for Favre's miracle 2007 campaign. And yes, the mean old Packers manipulated the circumstances for Favre to play. It was so unfair of them to seem shocked and upset when the greatest player in Packers history told them he was walking away only to return and demand a trade to their bitterest rivals. TEHY MANIPOLATED HIM!

Even if you can't stand the idea of another Favre unretirement, you have to admire him for working his way around a system usually stacked in favor of the teams, not the players. But however he got to this point, either by plan or accident, Favre could be a Viking soon.

Even though I hate making the usual "NFL players make too much money" argument, they do. Any system in which you make millions of dollars to play professional sports is stacked in favor of the fucking players. I'm not going to applaud because Favre's used the pressure of his legion of dopes to fuck the Packers three ways from Sunday, even if I wouldn't piss on Lambeau Field if it were on fire unless I was chugging kerosene.

The Vikings need a quarterback. They have enough of everything else to make a serious playoff run, but they don't have a quarterback who inspires anything else but yawns.
Tarvaris Jackson has potential, but we've been saying that for three years now. Jackson has never completed more than 59.1 percent of his passes in any of those three seasons. If the Vikings were convinced he was the answer, they wouldn't be chatting with Favre.

The same goes for Sage Rosenfels, whom the Houston Texans traded for a 2009 fourth-round pick. As a backup and five-game starter, Rosenfels thrilled Texans fans with a 6-touchdown, 10-interception season. So now you know why the Vikings are talking to Favre.

I'm not going to pity the Vikings situation at quarterback. They've bumbled their way into that situation and its hilarious. But you know what's hysterical? Sage Rosenfels, for all of his turnovers, actually has a higher quarterback rating over the last three seasons than Favre does, and his 6 td, 10 int performance earned him a 79.5 rating, exactly 1.5 points lower than 81.0 Favre. Big. Fucking. Deal.

If the Vikes buy Favre an engagement ring, the team instantly becomes a better team. Not Super Bowl better, but maybe better than the 10-6 record they had a year ago while winning their division. Favre wouldn't cost them a draft pick. He probably wouldn't cost them what the Jets paid him in 2008 ($12.7 million). And he wouldn't be showing up in early August.

What is there to back this up? His 9-7 record with the Jets last year? There's no metric that proves the Vikings have a more talented core than the Jets did last year. Adrian Peterson is undoubtedly better than Thomas Jones, but the Jets still had a solid running game. The receivers on both teams suck, and the Jets defense was hardly worse than Vikings last year at 22 ppg vs 20 ppg, with the Jets actually generating far more turnovers, all while playing in a division featuring far better offenses, believe it or not, than the ones the Bears and Lions threw at the Vikings for four games last year. Also, I love the confidence of saying "instantly become a better team" followed shortly thereafter by "maybe better than the 10-6 record they had a year ago." Uh huh.

Schedule handicapping is dicey stuff, but for what it's worth, the Vikings open at home against Cleveland, travel to the Detroit Staffords, play San Francisco at home and then play, ta-da, the Packers on Monday Night Football on Oct. 5 in the Metrodome.
They play the Rams in St. Louis, Baltimore at home, then go to Pittsburgh, followed by a trip to Green Bay on Nov. 1. Think about it: Favre at Lambeau … in purple.

Then it's home games against Detroit, Seattle and Chicago, a road trip to Arizona, home against Cincy, away games at Carolina and Chicago (Dec. 28) and then home against the Giants.

Do the math because I can't. I have no idea how it will play out, but I'm guessing the rest of the NFC North would rather face the Vikings without Favre in the lineup.

Favre in his last 8 games against the Bears: 176/307, 57% Comp, 1,972 yds, 246.5 ypg, 6.4 ypa, 5 tds, 15 ints, 61.7 rating. He's also been sacked 12 times in those 8 games. I can't imagine any other quarterback I WOULD want in the Vikings lineup. Perhaps I should stop this argument right here.

If Favre is doing this to stick it to the Packers, then it's the wrong kind of comeback for the wrong kind of reasons. Despite their messy divorce, Favre and the Packers will forever be joined at the chinstrap.

But if he can still play, and compete, and win, then there's nothing wrong with another retirement reversal. Vikings fans won't mind; why should you?

I hope The Waffler returns. I hope he stays healthy. Most of all, I hope my plasma works on Oct. 5 and Nov. 1.

IF Favre is doing this to stick it to the Packers? IF? Is there any doubt? The guy hates Ted Thompson because he had the gall to see a declining player who hurt his own team as much as he helped it with poor decision making and he had the NERVE not to fawn and beg Brett to come back when he decided to retire. What he's doing now is malice, pure and simple, and I can not wait for his season to go up in flames and prove Thompson right once and for all. Also, the article by Drew I posted above should be proof that Vikings fans Do mind. Go away Brett, just fucking go away.

Your SKO Random Third Baseman of the Day: Tyler Houston

A few notes before I begin my recap of the Tyler Houston Experience-

1. Try not to freak out about Zambrano. Two, three starts and he'll be back.

2. BOBBY SCALES. That is all.

Name: Tyler Sam Houston
Height: 6'2'' Weight: 210 lbs.
Bats: Left Throws: Right
Years as a Cub: 1996-1999

Tyler Houston showing the kind of prodigious power that earned him a .388 slugging % as a Cub.

During the 1996 season, the Cubs third basemen- Leo Gomez, Dave Magadan, and Jose Hernandez, and their back up catchers, Mike Hubbard and Brian Dorsett, all played like garbage. The Cubs responded to this situation by trading for former first round pick C/3B Tyler Houston of the Braves, which was somehow supposed to fix that.

Houston actually played fairly well for the Cubs in 1996, appearing in 46 games (including 27 as a catcher and 9 at third), and hit .339/2/19/.382/.452, for a respectable .834 OPS. In 1997, however, Houston's offensive prowess regressed considerably, and he posted just a .260/2/28/.290/.342 line in 72 games, 12 of which came at third base. In 1998 Houston played well in the first half, splitting playing time with Scott Servais and Sandy Martinez at catcher and Jose Hernandez and Kevin Orie at third. After a .295/5/17/.323/.477 start, he hit just .234/4/16/.273/.353 to finish the season.

The 1999 season was the first year in which Houston featured prominently as a third baseman for the Cubs. The results were poor. After Gary Gaetti's miserable start exposed the stupidity of the Cubs front office re-signing a 40 year old third baseman, Cub fans were exposed to 63 games (51 starts) of Tyler at third base, during which time he rewarded the Cubs with a .233/9/27/.309/.386 line to go along with a 13 errors at the hot corner, adding up to a miserable .910 fielding % (league average at third that year- .955). The Cubs finally decided they had seen enough and shipped Houston the Cleveland Indians for Richard Negrette. Houston went on to play with the Brewers, Dodgers, and Phillies before retiring in 2003. In case you think Tyler's major league career was lacking in highlights, he had a three homer game on July 9, 2000 against the Detroit Tigers. According to his Wikipedia entry, it was the first time in Brewers history a back up catcher received a curtain call, a statistic the Brewers apparently keep.

Ex-Cub Updates

While galavanting around my one of my favorite blogs MLBTradeRumors.com, which you should really go to, as Tim Dierkes does a great job updating on just about every trade/FA signing/release/waiver wire pickup and what have you, I noticed a couple updates about two former Cubs I've always liked- Jon Lieber and Matt Murton.

The news about Jon Lieber is that he is retiring after a 14 year major league career. During that time Lieber went 131-124 with a 4.27 ERA, a 1.28 WHIP, 1,553 K's and just 422 walks in 2,198 innings in 401 career games (327 starts). Lieber was the ace of the Cubs from 1999-2002 (which really says more about the lack of quality starting pitching than it does about Lieber's abilities) and had his best season in 2001 at 20-6 with a 3.80 ERA and a 1.149 WHIP in 232.1 IP. Lieber was a workhorse in his years with the Cubs and pitched over 200 innings his first three seasons before an injury ended his 2002 season at 141.0 IP. After spending a few years with the Yankees and Phillies, Lieber came back to the Cubs last year, narrowly lost a spring training battle with Jason Marquis and Ryan Dempster for a rotation spot, and then pitched in 26 games for the team, where he was fairly effective in long relief and had just one horrible start against the Reds before an injury in July effectively ended his season and his career. Fairwell, Jon, I'll always remember you as one of the few Cubs starters in my lifetime who Rarely walked people.

The next ex-Cub mention of note is this article by FanGraphs entitled Free Matt Murton, a condition I wholeheartedly endorse, as, up until his trade from the Cubs to the A's last summer (which I mistakenly believed would lead to more playing time for Matt), I had a wonderfully well done MS Paint picture (below) of that adorable redhead trapped behind bars that was captioned "Free Matt Murton" on the right side of the website.


I'm not one of those Cub fans who believed Matt Murton would be a superstar at the major league level (or Bob Brenly, who apparently thought Murton and Chad Tracy would comepete for a batting title someday...we'll just ignore everything wrong with that). I can't, however, understand how a guy with a .362 career OBP who is well capable of putting up an .800 OPS can't even stick as a fourth outfielder when there are players out there like Darin Erstad who pull down that job despite literally having been useless as a major leaguer since the year 2000. Someday I really hope Matt gets his chance to contribute to a major league team again.

The Matt Stairs Award Update #1

I promised this year I'd try to give pseudo-regular updates on the race for baseball's greatest prize, and so far here's the standings:

Since it's really too early in the season to focus on the statistics, based simply on the candidate's performance on the field the current leader after 11 games is Koyie Hill, backup catcher:


Forced to step in during the second game of the season, Koyie responded well over the next five starts, actually hitting .300 with a .917 OPS and a home run over that stretch while playing pretty decent defense behind the plate. He's going to have to get into a few more games (I truly pray no disaster befalls Soto allowing Koyie to appear in the 81 games required to be eligible for the award), but for his brief week in the sun, Koyie was the best mediocre player on the Chicago Cubs.
To Koyie!

A ranking as of today (and completely arbitrary):

1. Koyie Hill, C
2. Mike Fontenot, 2B
3. Micah Hoffpauir, 1B/OF
4. Aaron Heilman RHP
5. Aaron Miles, UTIL

Booing Jason Marquis

Yesterday during the introductions before the Cubs home opener against the Rockies, I was told by someone watching the broadcast (I was at work and therefore unable to) that Jason Marquis was booed by the Wrigley faithful upon being introduced. This raises of course the question of what Marquis did to deserve such malice upon his return to Chicago.

Was Marquis the worst of the starting 5 the Cubs rolled out last year? Definitely. Do I subscribe to the Al Yellon view that you can't say Marquis was bad because he was good compared to other "5th starters" as though rotation spots were a government pay grade and set in stone? Not at all. Do I enjoy the style of writing in which one does nothing but answer his own questions? You bet. But was Jason Marquis a truly "bad" player? I would have to disagree.

Consider certain players who have returned to Wrigley and been booed. LaTroy Hawkins is one of the first that comes to mind for me, given that he not only sucked in the most crucial of positions for Cub fans, but his absurd "you can't do what I do" defense and his playing of the race card merited a fairly unpleasant welcome. Had Todd Hundley ever returned I'm sure he would have been stoned, though I suppose the treatment he received throughout much of his tenure as a Cub was deserved, mostly because he was an asshat who flipped off the fans and was more or less a disgrace to his father's legacy. Dusty Baker was booed at just about Reds-Cubs game last year, and given the back alley abortion he performed on this team and his constant refusal to accept any of the blame even after two years away from the situation pretty much leads us to despise him. But Marquis?

Sure, there was his complaint early last spring that he should be starting. Lou got pissed that Jason seemed to think he had earned the right to start, but it didn't affect his decision to run Jason out there every fifth day. I can't say that I wouldn't have felt the same way in Jason's position. I may not have said it publicly as he did, but I too would have felt that I deserved to start over Jon Lieber's corpse.

In the end it was Jason's role to end up being the focal point for rage on a 97 win team. For much of the regular season there really wasn't that much to be that pissed about, unless you frequent this place. I'm not going to lie, I frequently advocated starting Sean Marshall over Marquis. But I never hated the guy. If you take a look at his numbers

2008:29 G, 28 GS, 11-9, 4.53 ERA, 167.0 IP, 1.45 WHIP

2007: 34 G, 33 GS, 12-9, 4.60 ERA, 191.2 IP, 1.39 WHIP

Nothing truly God Awful stands out, especially when compared to some of the other more memorable "5th starters" in Cubs history:

Shawn Estes, 2003: 29 G, 28 GS, 8-11, 5.73 ERA, 152.1 IP, 1.74 WHIP

Jason Bere, 2002: 16 G, 16 GS, 1-10, 5.67 ERA, 85.2 IP, 1.47 WHIP

Ruben Quevedo, 2000: 21 G, 15 GS, 3-10, 7.47 ERA, 88.0 IP, 1.705 WHIP

Terry Mulholland, 1999: 26 G, 16 GS, 6-6, 5.15 ERA, 110.0 IP, 1.536 WHIP

G(J)eremi Gonzalez, 1998: 20 G, 20 GS, 7-7, 5.32 ERA, 110.0 IP, 1.500 WHIP

So really it becomes obvious from looking at numbers like those that Marquis was somewhere far short of horrendous, and that his greatest misfortune was playing for a really f*&king good team. What a shame. Seriously, my fellow Cub fans, grow up and boo for an ex-Cub that deserves it. Jason has to pitch in Colorado. He is serving his time. You need not boo him any more.

However, for the Cubs sake, and Jason's I do hope they light him up tomorrow. Certainly there's a precedent for Cubs "fifth starters" who return as members of the Colorado Rockies. I know watching the Cubs destroy him alleviated most of my rage toward Estes. Maybe a Marquis flop against the Cubs will soothe the undeserved hate aimed at him by the masses.

(Update: Way to go Jason. I offered you sage advice, telling you that if you'd only let the Cubs bend you over the table for about 9 runs, the fans would love you. But noooooo... Thanks alot, Asshole.)

Your SKO Random Third Baseman of the Day- Jose Hernandez

Name: Jose Antonio (Figueroa) Hernandez
Height: 6'1'' Weight: 180 LB
Bats: Right Throws: Right
Years as a Cub: 1994-1999, 2003

For most of my life, I've been a reasonably statistical fan of the game of baseball. Since the early days of the fuss over Moneyball and Billy Beane, I've been decidedly new school in the importance of OBP and OPS over Batting Avg. and RBIs. There was a time in my life though, when a strong armed, sleek looking shortstop/third baseman with profoundly awful plate discipline teased me with his brief flashes of power and made me think he would be awesome someday. That man's name was Jose Hernandez, and he was not awesome at all. The Cubs first acquired Hernandez in 1994, when I was six years old. The Cubs were awful that year and so the 24 year old Jose got into 56 games that year, including his first 9 starts at third for the Cubs. In 1995 Jose's role expanded to 93 games, including another 10 starts at first base. With the bat that year Jose hit 13 homers in just 245 at-bats! Who cares if he only hit .245? What's a .281 OBP even Mean? Thats a lot of homers! If he was a full time starter he could hit like 30! Then in 1996 I was ecstatic when Steve Buechele was finally gone and Jose was given the opening day start at third! Then of course Jose hit .205 in April and was soon shifted over to shortstop and replaced at third by Leo Gomez, which worked out famously. Jose did get into 131 with 331 at-bats throughout the season as a sub/SS, with and hit a disappointing .242/10/41/.293/.381.

By 1997, Jose had lost both his third base job, now to Kevin Orie rather than Leo Gomez, and the shorstop job to old favorite Shawon Dunston. Hernandez bounced back and forth between short, third, and second during the year, finishing with 12 more starts at third and a better statistical line of .273/7/26/.323/.486.

The outlook for Jose's playing time looked grim before 1998, with Orie entrenched at third, and free agent acquisitions Mickey Morandini and Jeff Blauser at second and short, respectively. Then the season began and both Orie and Blauser blew. The Cubs sent Orie down, and Jose slotted over to third base, where he made 54 starts. When the Cubs acquired Gary Gaetti on the waiver wire to take over the hot corner, Hernandez shifted over to short to replace the atrocious Blauser, and made 37 starts at short. In total, Hernandez' 1998 was his best as a Cub, with 144 games started at third, short, first, second, and in the outfield. He hit .254/23/75/.311/.471 that year, and those 23 homers seemed to vindicate everything I ever thought about his ability. He was a star, I said. 23 homers! That's more than Derek Jeter hit that year! We have one of the best power-hitting shortstops in baseball!

Then 1999 happened and everything went wrong. The Cubs lost 95 games, their lineup and rotation fell apart, and even though Jose was off to the best start of his career, the Cubs of course had to make room for rookie Jose Nieves and Jose was thrown in with Terry Mulholland in a trade to the Braves in which the Cubs acquired Ruben Quevedo, Micah Bowie, and Joey Nation. That's wonderful. Jose finished his last Cubs season (of the 20th century) with a line of .272/15/43/.357/.450 in 99 games, mostly at shortstop, and for the first time in his Cub career he did not start a game at third (naturally, who would need him at third when you have Gary Gaetti and Tyler Houston?). After the Braves, Jose moved on to the Brewers for three years, where he actually put up some decent offensive seasons (including a trip to the All Star Game in 2002), but built upon his reputation as a free swinger with back to back seasons of 180+ strikeouts (in 2002 he finished with 188 after his manager benched him for four of the last five games of the season in order to keep him from breaking the record for most in a season). Jose then started the 2003 season, but wound up Back in Chicago when Mark Bellhorn failed to do anything at third base.

By this point I was old enough to be far, far, far less enthused about Jose in a Cub uniform, and he did nothing to change that opinion in his 23 games with the Cubs that year (13 starts at third), as he hit just .188/2/9/.222/.348. Then on July 23, 2003 Jose did something amazing. He, along with Jim Hendry, singlehandedly convinced Dave Littlefield that he was equal in value to Aramis Ramirez and Kenny Lofton (when one factors in Bobby Hill and Matt Bruback), and he was sent to Pittsburgh. Ramirez of course has solved the Cubs decades long hot corner conundrum. Hernandez of course ground into the double play that clinched the division for the Cubs later that year. After 2003 Jose bounced from the Dodgers to the Indians to the Pirates again to the Phillies before retiring after the 2006 season.